Why Do Breakups Hit Guys Later?

why do breakups hit guys later

You have probably wondered if and why breakups hit guys later. Are they heartless? Do they not realize what they have lost until quite a while later? If you look at the guys around you, it seems obvious that breakups hit guys later. Decoding the reasons behind that may leave you firing blanks, and that’s where we come in.

When he’s not reacting to the breakup in the way you hoped he would, it may start to seem like he never loved you at all. However, it’s important to note that everyone has a different way of dealing with numbing pain, so they can survive the next day with a smile.

Unfortunately, there are many misconceptions regarding men and breakups. Today we answer the most burning questions that people have regarding guys after a breakup and clear a few of the prevalent misconceptions regarding men and breakups.

Why Do Breakups Hit Guys Later? Exploring The Reasons

“Guys’ behavior after a breakup has always baffled me,” Janine told us, adding, “One of my exes decided it’d be best to immediately hit on my friends, and then apologize to me about it a month later, begging for me to come back. Another one acted so cold and heartless when I knew he was the warmest person I’d ever met.

“He tried to act nonchalant, putting on a show on his Instagram. When his denial eventually caught up with him, he needed a lot more closure than I thought he would. In most situations that I’ve been through, I’ve noticed that guys disappear after a breakup and tend to come back once they realize they can’t fight their feelings.”

Why do breakups hit guys later? This is the most common question that confuses many minds. Well, it’s not like guys take ages to realize a relationship has broken off. Breakups hit guys immediately, but they just don’t let it break them. That, in effect, only delays their time of healing.

When you think about it, everyone has two choices after a breakup. They can wallow in sadness and reminisce about the good times they had, or they can work on their lives and focus on things that are important to them. In most cases, men usually choose the latter. As a result, this does make it seem that they do not care about the breakup. However, it is quite unfair to guys when the world confuses being single and keeping busy with emotional apathy.

Related Reading: How Soon Can You Start Dating Again After a Breakup?

Many people reading this might disagree, saying, “Wait, that’s not what happened to me. He called me months after we broke up, telling me how much he misses me.” That’s not because the breakup just hit him, it’s because the feelings he had been avoiding have caught up to him. Men, just like anyone else, like to be in relationships.

They like the intimacy and they certainly like the fact that they can trust someone with their most personal thoughts. A lot of the times, when a guy calls up an ex like this it is because they really miss being in a relationship, they miss trusting someone and they hate the fact that they lost someone that meant so much to them.

In some cases, the guy misses a relationship more than the person he was in a relationship with. The ex at this point is just someone who he is familiar with. With whom he shares an intense comfort level. It is important to remember that just because someone acts on emotions after a particular amount of time does not mean that they felt nothing up until that point.

So, why do breakups hit guys later? In most cases, it’s the result of them trying to push their feelings down. Once they’ve accepted the breakup, most will try to put on a brave face since constantly pining for an ex displays weakness, and men have been conditioned to avoid portrayal of weakness at all costs.

Do Guys Hurt After Dumping You?

The short answer is yes. It is natural to miss someone. Once you attain a certain level of trust, kinship and intimacy with someone, losing them can be quite painful. How much a guy hurts after a breakup cannot be said though. Different men have different emotional needs. But if this is true, why do breakups hit guys later? That’s the long answer. When it comes to the dating scene, even in today’s more enlightened and, thankfully, less sexist times, the pressure to ask someone out for the first time still primarily falls on the man. And more often than not, men are rejected.

That is just statistics; the more people you ask out, the higher the rejection rate keeps getting. As such, it isn’t that guys don’t get hurt after a breakup, it is just that they have far more experience dealing with heartbreak and are proficient at masking that fact and finding sensible ways to deal with rejection. After all, how much time should one really spend in mourning the loss of the person they like?

Men cry too but most also understand that they can’t keep crying. Is it not better to try to get over the pain and move forward in life? If you’re wondering why guys go cold after a breakup, it’s because they’re trying to numb their own emotions in an attempt to move past this setback. Even if the man is dumping you, he still hurts. Chances are, unless you were manipulative, abusive, or toxic in the relationship, the guys will hurt after dumping you.

When a guy is dumping you, it is because he feels that either there is just no way you are willing to put in as much work into the relationship as he is or he isn’t interested in you romantically anymore for various reasons. Either way, the guy now has a very difficult task ahead of him. He has to tell the person he cares about that they just are not good enough for him anymore. Ultimately that’s the message that every breakup has, regardless of gender.

Related Reading: 21 Signs Of Lack Of Respect In A Relationship

One person has judged the other to be unworthy of their time. Think about all the white lies you have ever told someone because you did not want to hurt them. Now imagine someone with whom you shared profound quality time and imagine telling them that they are not worthy of you. At that point, there is no way to avoid the hurt. The guilt of hurting them is enough to hurt you as well.

Guys hurt after a breakup too. It doesn’t matter if they are being dumped or are doing the dumping, and they will hurt because they know they hurt you. In some cases, the incapability of sharing their emotions can often make things worse for them. Do guys talk to their friends about breakups? In most cases, they find it extremely difficult to open up.

Do Guys Move On Faster After A Breakup?

This is a tricky question because there can be no absolute answers here. Do guys move on faster after a breakup? Well, not only does it depend on the guy, but also how important you were to his life. Both of these determine how quickly a man can move on after a breakup. One of the main reasons that people have for justifying this question and the question of why do breakups hit guys later is the prevalence of rebound culture.

People swing from one physical relationship to the next in a relatively short amount of time, rarely saying anything that makes them vulnerable or sharing a real connection. Episodes of random sex after a breakup are often highlighted. This has caused many misconceptions. The most common among them being that breakups hit guys later, and second, that guys move on faster after a breakup.

why do breakups hit guys later
How soon a guy moves on depends on his personality

How guys behave after the breakup is actually summed up in these two statements. This is not to say that rebounds are always wrong. That serves an irreplaceable function in society. But it cannot be denied that the acceptance of rebound culture has made it impossible to tell when someone is truly over their ex. Since rebounds have been normalized, guys get into a new relationship without dealing with the residual feelings from the previous breakup.

This doesn’t mean that the man avoids dealing with his emotions in a healthy way, only that the process is delayed. Healing from a breakup takes its due course, for both men and women. A man can move on rather quickly if he is emotionally stable, knows what he brings to the table in a relationship and believes that his ex is not willing to put in as much effort as he is.

So quickly, in fact, that the ex might wonder if they were in a fake relationship all along. However if the ex was a very important part of the man’s life, it could take a very long time for him to move on. So, do guys take longer to get over a breakup? The reality is that that completely depends on the state of mind the man is in.

If you’re reading this article and trying to understand things like why do guys regret breaking up with a girl later on or are trying to figure out what’s going on in your ex’s mind, it’s best to ask him. The way he talks to you will also tell you all you need to know. If he asks for closure, know that he’s struggling, but at least he’s on the right path. If he’s trying to act too nonchalant, maybe he’s still in the suppressing stage.

Related Reading: Making Peace With Your Past – 13 Wise Tips

How long does it take for a breakup to sink in for a guy?

The question of how long it takes for a man to get over a breakup and heal from it cannot be addressed without taking into consideration how long does it take for a breakup to sink in for a guy. Again, there is no single criterion to determine the time it takes for a man to let a breakup sink in and process the feelings that come in its wake.

This can play out in two ways – he can immediately accept what has happened, brood over it for some time, and get on with this life, or a part of him can stay hooked on to the lost relationship for years to come, leaving him unable to move on.

How guys feel after they break up with their girlfriend depends entirely on how emotionally invested they’re in the relationship. Take the story of Joy and Chris, for example. The two met in college and after about 6 months of him trying to woo her, a heady romance took shape.

They dated for five years and were thinking of taking the relationship to the next level. That they’d end up together seemed like a forgone conclusion. However, Joy had to move to a different city for work, and Chris started spending an awful lot of his time drinking.

Once inebriated, he’d start accusing her of not giving time to the relationship, saying he saw signs she’s cheating and treating him like a loser. Needless to say, this took a toll on a relationship they thought was immune to any damage. Joy called it off and moved on a little too quickly for Chris’s liking. For 10 years afterward, he’d keep shooting drunk texts, emails and even a few calls in the middle of the night intermittently to reminisce about old times or blame her for breaking his heart. The fact that they were both married with children notwithstanding.

It took a rather uncomfortable conversation between Chris’s ex and his wife for this pattern to stop. In his case, it was not the case of a breakup hitting a guy later but him not being able to come to terms with it. So, to answer how long does it take for a breakup to sink in for a guy, it can even take a decade if the guy is in denial.

It all boils down to one’s ability to process difficult emotions and let go of the past. As you can probably tell by now, the answer to questions like, “Why do breakups hit guys later?” or “Do guys take longer to get over a breakup?” are very subjective. They change from person to person, and from situation to situation.

However, it’s true that in most cases, guys’ behavior after a breakup is to be blamed for them taking more time than normal to get over it. They try to push their feelings down to move ahead in life. As they realize a couple of months down the line, they simply cannot ignore the demons of the past. They find a way to affect their lives in new situations.

Related Reading: 25 Most Common Relationship Problems

Do Guys Feel Bad After A Breakup?

Yes, guys feel bad after a breakup. Always. The reasons why they feel bad depend upon whether he is getting dumped or doing the dumping. If a man is dumped, he would feel bad because he is no longer close to the person he once cherished. Whatever reason he may have been given would still have the same message, that he is not good enough. He would feel judged and at some level, his pride would be wounded.

Even if the relationship wasn’t very important to him, he can no longer be as close or open with someone whose company he enjoyed. He understands the need to erase memories that are dear to him. His perception of himself could have changed and that brings its own share of negative emotions. He may even feel as if he has let his partner down which would bring about feelings of guilt. It isn’t just pride and vanity that causes guys to feel bad after a breakup.

If the man decides to dump his partner, he then has the task of telling someone he cares for that they can no longer be together. It is his responsibility to be as earnest as possible but he would want to do it in the least hurtful manner.

Do breakups hit guys later?
How do men handle breakups?

However breakups are always painful, you’re either getting hurt or hurting someone you care about. Neither situation brings joy to a person. And some people take breakups harder than others. He may even have a hard time justifying breaking up to himself at times, wondering if he made the right choice.

He would look back and think of something he could have handled better and feel guilty for not thinking of it sooner. Anyone who has ever dumped someone and been dumped by someone can attest to the fact that both situations make you feel bad in their own ways.

Why do guys regret breaking up with a girl later on? It could be because they couldn’t justify the breakup in their own minds, or maybe they were just running away from acknowledging what they were feeling. Something similar happened to Samantha. “He tried to appear so cold and heartless, I started to wonder if he ever even loved me during our 3-year-long relationship. We work at the same place, so I’d see him thriving with his work buddies when I felt miserable.

“It was only when one of his friends came to me and told me that he’s not doing great when I realized how much pain he had been harboring. Why do guys go cold after a breakup is something I’ll never understand, since told his friends he regrets not opening up to anyone about it.”

Do guys talk to their friends about breakups? That’s another big issue that men face in their lives. Most of their relationships do not have the maturity to sustain such a conversation, and they find themselves incapable of opening up to anyone as a result. Because of this, guys disappear after a breakup and try to deal with their hurt themselves.

Related Reading: How To Know When A Relationship Is Over? 25 Signs That Indicate So

Why do guys feel the breakup later?

When a relationship ends, both partners make a conscious decision to go their separate ways. Then, why do guys feel the breakup later? The answer to this question lies in a tendency to bottle up one’s feelings. Alex and Anya were great friends. At one point, they were both freshly out of long-term relationships and became each other’s de facto support system.

They started hanging out a lot, texting each other through the day, and partying together on weekends. While their changing feelings toward each other were palpable, both remained in denial. Until one day, a night of sharing a couple of bottles of wine led to a kiss. Their relationship entered a rather murky territory afterward. Anya wanted to act on her feelings, Alex was still too scarred from his past heartbreak to even entertain the thought.

After months of push and pull dynamics, Anya decided to move on. It was only after he lost her that Alex realized how strongly he felt about her. For years, he tried to get back together with Anya. Even though she was single, she didn’t agree because she had seen how toxic a couple they could be. In such cases, the reason why guys feel the breakup later is that they’re in denial about the depth of their feelings for their partner.

Alex most definitely didn’t want a relationship with Anya. By extension, it meant that he wanted to break up whatever it was that they had going on. So then, why do breakups hurt even when you wanted it? Mostly, because sometimes you don’t understand the value of what you have until it’s gone.

Related Reading: 18 Subtle Signs Your Long-Term Relationship Is Over

How do men deal with breakups?

If the question of why do breakups hit guys harder has crossed your mind, then perhaps you have also wondered how a man deals with a breakup. Since different men have different personalities, they also react differently. Plus, moving on without closure isn’t the easiest thing in the world.

Some may be quiet, some may socialize more. Maybe he learns to play the drums or dedicates more time to things he is passionate about. But to just give one answer that fits all men would be as inaccurate as saying breakups hit guys later in all circumstances.

What can be said, however, is that due to the conditioning men have, they end up trying to not seek help when they should. They ignore their support system when empathy is offered, often trying to appear so cold and heartless. A guy’s behavior after a breakup can largely be controlled by what he wants other people to think of him.

If he isn’t afraid of acknowledging his feelings, he’s going to make headway in the journey of healing. If he’s too worried about what others around him will think of him if he appears weak, his suppression may add a considerable amount of time to his healing.

Now that you have the answer to questions like why do breakups hit guys later or do guys take longer to get over a breakup, you know what’s going on in his mind a bit better. If you know someone who’s struggling to cope with a breakup or if you’re going through a tough period yourself, Bonobology’s panel of experienced therapists can help you paint a path toward recovery.

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