You have probably wondered if and why breakups hit guys later. Are they heartless? Do they not realize what they have lost until quite a while later? If you look at the guys around you, it seems obvious that breakups hit guys later. Unfortunately, there are many misconceptions regarding men and breakups. Today we answer the most burning questions that people have regarding guys after a breakup and clear a few of the misconceptions that society has regarding men and breakups.
Why Do Breakups Hit Guys Later?
This is the most common misconception that people have. Why do breakups hit guys later? Well, it’s not like guys take ages to realise a relationship has broken off. Breakups hit guys immediately, they just don’t let it break them.
Every guy has two choices after a breakup:
a) They can wallow in sadness and reminisce about the good times they had, or
b) They can work on their life and focus on things that are important to them.
Most men would choose option b, so at times; this does make it seem that they do not care about the breakup. However, it is quite unfair to guys when the world confuses keeping busy with emotional apathy. One might say that this isn’t true; many people reading this right now are probably saying, “Wait that’s not what happened to me. He called me months after we broke up, telling me how much he misses me.” While this might be true, it is not because the breakup just hit him. People often ignore the fact that men like being in relationships.
They like the intimacy and they certainly like the fact that they can trust someone with their most personal thoughts. A lot of the times, when a guy calls up an ex like this it is because they really miss being in a relationship, they miss trusting someone and they hate the fact that they lost someone that meant so much to them. Truthfully at this stage, the guy misses a relationship more than the person he was in a relationship with.
The ex at this point is just someone who he is familiar with, with whom he shares an intense comfort level. It is important to remember that just because someone acts on emotion after a particular amount of time, does not mean that they felt nothing up until that point.
Related Reading: How Soon Can You Start Dating Again After a Breakup?
Do Guys Hurt After Dumping You?
The short answer is yes.
Obviously. It is natural to miss someone. Once you attain a certain level of trust, kinship and intimacy with someone, losing them can be quite painful. How much a guy hurts after a breakup cannot be said though. Different men have different emotional needs. But if this is true, why do breakups hit guys later? That’s the long answer. When it comes to the dating scene, even in today’s more enlightened and, thankfully, less sexist time, the pressure for asking someone out for the first time still falls upon the man for a majority of the time and a majority of the time men are rejected.
That is just statistics; the more people you ask out, the number of rejections keep getting higher. As such, it isn’t that guys don’t hurt after a breakup, it is just that they have far more experience dealing with heartbreak and are proficient in masking that fact. After all, how much time should one really spend in mourning the loss of the person they like? Men cry, really, but then they also understand that they cannot keep crying. Is it not better to try to get over the pain and move forward in life?
Even if the man is dumping you, they still hurt. Chances are unless you were manipulative, abusive or toxic in the relationship, the guys will hurt after dumping you. When a guy is dumping you, it is because he feels that either a) there is just no way you are willing to put in as much work into the relationship as he is, or b) he isn’t interested in you romantically anymore for various reasons, loss of ‘the spark’, another person, etc.
Either way, the guy now has a very difficult task ahead of him. He has to tell the person he cares about that they just are not good enough for him anymore. Ultimately that’s the message that every breakup has, regardless of gender. One person has judged the other to be unworthy of their time. I want you, the reader, to right now think about all the white lies you have ever told someone because you did not want to hurt them.
Now imagine someone who you shared deeply profound and intimate moments with and imagine telling them that they are not worthy of you. There is no way to avoid hurting them at that point, the guilt of hurting them is enough to hurt you as well. Guys hurt after a breakup too, it doesn’t matter if they are being dumped or are doing the dumping, and they will hurt because they know they hurt you.
Do Guys Move On Faster After A Breakup?
This is one of those questions that cannot be answered because the question makes no sense. Do guys move on faster after a breakup? Well, not only does it depend on the guy, but also how important you were to his life. Both of these determine how quickly a man can move on after a breakup. One of the main reasons that people have for justifying this question and the question of why do breakups hit guys later is the prevalence of rebound culture.
People swing from one purely physical relation to the next in a relatively short amount of time, rarely saying anything that makes them vulnerable or sharing a real connection. Episodes of random sex after a breakup are often highlighted. This has caused many misconceptions, one that breakups hit guys later, and two, that guys move on faster after a breakup. How guys behave after the breakup is actually summed up in these two statements. Now, this is not an attack on rebounds. That serves an irreplaceable function in society. But it cannot be denied that the acceptance of rebound culture has made it impossible to tell when someone is truly over their ex. Since rebounds have been normalized, guys get into a new relationship without dealing with the residual feelings from the previous breakup.
Related Reading: Making Peace With Your Past – 13 Wise Tips
This doesn’t mean that the man avoids dealing with his emotions in a healthy way, only that the process is delayed. Healing from a breakup takes it due course and time for both men and women. A man can move on rather quickly. If a man is emotionally stable, knows what he brings to the table in a relationship and believes that his ex is not willing to put in as much effort as he is, he can move on alarmingly quickly. So quickly in fact, that the ex might wonder if the relationship was ever real at all. However if the ex was a very important part of the man’s life, it could take a very long time for him to move on.
Do Guys Feel Bad After A Breakup?
Yes, guys feel bad after a breakup. Always. The reasons they feel bad to depend upon whether he is getting dumped or doing the dumping. If a man is dumped, he would feel bad because he is no longer close to the person he once cherished. Whatever reason he may have been given would still have the same message, that he is not good enough. He would feel judged and at some level, his pride would be wounded. Even if the relationship wasn’t very important to him, he can no longer be as close or open with someone whose company he enjoyed. He understands the needs to erase memories that are dear to him.
His perception of himself could have changed and that brings its own share of negative emotions. He may even feel as if he has let his partner down which would bring about feelings of guilt. It isn’t just pride and vanity that causes guys to feel bad after a breakup. If the man decides to dump his partner, he then has the task of telling someone he cares for, that they can no longer be together. It is his responsibility of being as earnest as possible but he would want to do it in the least hurtful manner.
However breakups are always painful, you’re either getting hurt or hurting someone you care about. Neither situation brings joy to a person. And some people take breakup harder than others.
He may even have a hard time justifying breaking up with himself at times, wondering if he made the right choice. He would look back and think of something he could have handled better and feel guilty for not thinking of it sooner. Anyone who has ever dumped someone and been dumped by someone can attest to the fact that both situations make you feel bad in its own ways.
How do men deal with breakups?
If the question why do breakups hit guys harder has crossed your mind then perhaps you have also wondered how a man deals with a breakup. Since different men have different personalities, they also react differently. Some may be quiet, some may socialize more. Maybe he learns to play the drums or dedicates more time towards things he is passionate about. But to just give one answer that fits all men, would be as inaccurate as saying breakups hit guys later.