Your heart is broken. You miss your ex and along comes this gorgeous person who wants to give you attention. The dialogue ‘the best way to get over somebody, is to get under someone else!’ is ringing in your head. You, my friend, are about to rebound and rebound hard.
But do these rebounds ever work? While there’s enough evidence to support that rebound relationships crash and burn like doomed spaceships, is there any evidence otherwise? Turns out there is.
1. They might be healthy.
While no researcher will be able to tell you how long a relationship may last accurately, there’s new research in the field of psychology that states that rebounds might actually be healthy. Apparently, they can help one get over their ex by boosting their self-esteem and reassuring them about their ability to find another partner again. Moving on after a breakup is difficult as it is, but for people who doubt ever finding love again, a rebound might just be of assistance here.
Related reading: 7 positive things to do after break-up
2. Hold me close
One of the things that people tend to miss in a relationship is the sex and the physical intimacy that it provides. After having someone to hold and call yours, not having that option can be physically painful. In such a scenario, a rebound can fill that void. While you may not want to categorise it as just a fling or a full-fledged relationship, you do get someone who you like who will hold you and that is a wonderful feeling, especially when you’re still dealing with the loss of the breakup.
3. Talking is healing
At the risk of saying that you should rebound with your therapist, talking can help when you’re feeling hurt or in general. Having a partner with whom you can be honest and discuss everything and nothing is important. While you should avoid talking about your breakup, because that’s unfair and a turnoff, you can talk about your emotions more freely if it’s a relationship. Also unless it’s their first relationship, your partner will have insight into the post-breakup feelings and can support you when necessary.
4. Are you being fair
Being with someone can be wonderful. It can heal you and make you feel whole again, but only if that’s what you really want. When you’re still completely in love with your ex and don’t want to be over them, then being in another relationship is unfair, to you and your significant other. Unless you are open about your feelings and have an understanding between both of you to provide each other companionship through this awkward phase, you will end up hurting each other. So get clear about your intentions behind having a rebound.
5. Stop the projections
In order for a rebound relationship to work, you must be aware of not projecting your issues with your ex on your current partner. Similarities that bother you about them can’t be expected to be resolved in a minute. You might’ve told your ex about your botheration, but your current partner is still getting to know you. In order for a rebound relationship to work, this is a must.
Related reading: 5 signs you are entering a wrong relationship
6. Slowly does it
As in any relationship, but especially in a rebound one, patience is key. When you move quickly from one relationship to another, the baggage you bring with you isn’t neatly packed and often spills over. Imagine switching two houses quickly; the packed stuff becomes a bit of a disorganised mess, and so do you when you jump from one relationship to another. While waiting after a breakup is okay, if you find yourself with someone who’s on a rebound or if you’re the person trying to rebound, remember that you will take time to organise your inner closet and give yourself time. It’ll help you build something strong with your partner.
7. Partners on a short trip
To say that a relationship that ended was a failed one, one that didn’t work is an error. Life is a long journey and we might require multiple different partners on different roads. A rebound fling that got you through the uncertain terrain of dating after a long-term relationship and helped you find your self-confidence is just as successful as a long romance in my mind. Some people are meant to be our witnesses as we walk the short distance from one port to another until we set sail for the rest of the journey. Your rebound could be just that and it deserves that kind of respect, not judgment or scrutiny.
And sometimes you might find your rebound to be one of the longest, most sturdy relationships you’ve got. Love works in mysterious ways and instead of questioning it you ought to enjoy its mysteries. Yes, it hurts, yes it’s a lot of work, but while it lasts it’s the best fucking feeling in the world, rebound or not.