Once you start missing an old flame, each day seems longer and harder. You start yearning for their company and their presence in your life again. How to get back with an ex when the loneliness starts hitting you, becomes your sole concern at that moment.
Not every ex is a horrible, evil person that you must completely shun from your life. Some just need to take a sabbatical from your life only to make things happier when they are back in your life again!
You might be wondering, what percent of exes get back together? A study conducted by the University of Texas determined that about 65% of US college students had broken up only to get back together again. ‘Lingering feelings’ was considered a primary reason in this study. According to another research, nearly 50% of adult couples break up and then get back together.
So, it’s safe to say that true love and deep feelings do trump all other issues!
How Do You Know If You Should Get Back With Your Ex Or Not?
If you’re in a “Should I go back to my ex or stay with my current guy?” situation, you’ve come to the right place. Perhaps you’re dating someone new having quickly slithered into a rebound relationship, but now, one text from your old boyfriend has brought you to a crossroads. At a point like this, it can be nerve-wracking to get your feelings in order and make the right choice. In order to decide if you should get back with your ex or not, you need to really think things through.
Time to reopen old wounds because the first thing you have to go back and dwell on, is the reason you two broke up. Was it infidelity, distance or a general lack of fulfillment? If it was indeed a toxic relationship that wasn’t making you grow or if your ex was continuously lying to you or cheating — it is probably not a good idea to go back to them. But if the cause for the breakup was something workable and you believe that you two broke it off hastily, then maybe they might be worth a second shot.
It all comes down to the situation and how they made you feel. If you’ve developed trust issues and want to be cautious, then we advise you give it more time before you take any drastic steps again. But on the other hand, if your heart has truly been yearning them and you feel like they made you a better person, then it might be a good reason to unring that bell and go back to him.
How To Get Back With An Ex – 13 Ways To Do It Right
Is it ever a good idea to get back with an ex? It can be! Even though you both might have made a firm decision to break up, it does not mean you should not get back together at some point. Some situations call for a good amount of time apart to process things better. If after that time the love persists, it can be a good idea to get back with your ex.
But getting back with an ex when he has moved on can be really difficult. It is not always easy to reignite the same old spark. In such a case, you have to be careful, honest and persistent with your efforts. Here are 13 ways to help you get back with an ex:
1. Show them how much you miss them
If an ex who has feelings for you wants to get back with you, he or she will only do so when they know that you are missing them as mush as well. If you breeze in there with a casual conversation, chances are that they will think you only want them because you are lonely or bored.
Can exes fall back in love? They sure can. Once the period of dormancy and time apart has faded, you can show them how much you care and miss them so they will know how much you love them.
2. Give them their space to think
How to get an ex back is not about smothering them with affection until they suffocate and run away even farther. Sometimes, they need to compartmentalize and organize their feelings to understand whether they want you back or not. Add this to your list of rules for getting back together with ex. You’ll never win their heart again if you make desperate pleas.
One of the stages of getting back together with an ex is enabling them to think clearly by giving them some space. It does not guarantee that they will come back but it sure will help them make an intelligent decision.
When Roy dumped Lorraine, she spent the first few weeks constantly love-bombing him with texts and calls which only sent Roy into a frenzy and made him want her even less. Eventually after the first month, she stopped and three months later, Roy came right back to her! When Lorraine asked him, “Why now? After 3 months?” then Roy said, “Because being alone and away from you made me realize how much I actually need you.”
Related Reading: How Much Space In A Relationship Is Normal? Balance Is Key!
3. Talk about the old issues
Getting your ex back does not mean hurling abuses and getting rid of old frustrations. Yes, mistakes have been made in the past but if you want to start afresh, it’s time to move forward, yes? That’s why, getting your ex back is about allowing a rational discourse and having heavy conversations. To do this, you have to be very understanding and receptive.
The old issues are the reasons you broke up in the first place. It will not be easy to talk about them objectively. However, conflict resolution requires you to throw away everything that offends you and do everything you can to solve the problem.
4. Don’t try to make them jealous
Flashing pictures with a new partner or telling them all about your other dates is going to do more harm than good. A lot of people suppose that jealousy is a road that will lead their ex right back to them. Well, wrong. In fact if you do this, it might just undo any of the other signs of a possible second chance.
None of the getting-back-together-with-ex success stories talk about this approach as an impetus. If anything, it will only further propel the rage and frustration that is inside you two. Steer away from any of these negative tactics because it will only propel your ex to be further annoyed with you.
5. Be a changed person
Before you say, “I should take my ex back”, you need to be someone that THEY actually want to take back too. To get your ex back after a year or so, you have to show them that you are a changed and evolved person. If they feel that your old problematic tendencies such as being immature or insecure are still intact, it can impede their desire to gravitate toward you again.
How to get back with an ex requires you to also make a lot of changes within yourself. They want to see a healthy amount of emotional growth in you before starting a new relationship. Being a better person for them is the most sure-shot way to win your ex back.
6. Remind them why you’re compatible
To get your ex back when he is the one who broke up with you can be incredibly tricky. In such cases, most of them are not willing to get back together. To show them that you are worth it, you have to remind them of all the things that make you two a great couple.
Even if it is just talking about how good you two are together when playing board games, you must mention these instances to them. Such things will remind them that this relationship is worth saving. So when you’re talking to them, give them a reminder as to how good the two of you were together and how you can make their life better.
7. Be clear about why you want them back
When you want to get an ex back, you have to be honest with yourself about why you want them back. You should make sure that you are not just craving to be with them because you are bored and need someone around to keep you company. This will lead to an unhealthy relationship which will just end up crashing and burning all over again.
With such half-hearted intentions, you will never be able to convince them to come back to you. Moreover, it will be unfair to you both to try to revive a relationship for such fickle reasons. So just because you saw an Instagram post of them having fun at the beach and are feeling sad about it, doesn’t mean you should say “Yes!” to your “Should I go back to my ex?” dilemma.
8. Tell them that they can trust you
Trust is the key foundational stone for any successful relationship. We can only completely allow ourselves to love someone if we trust them and allow them to lean on us too. Without trust, there is no chance of making things work. So one of the signs you’ll get back together is if the trust between the two of you hasn’t been desecrated.
When Shirley stopped seeing Malcolm and he wanted to win her back, a heartfelt and simple, “I love you, please trust me, I will never let you down”, in the Pizza Hut parking lot was enough for Shirley to realize she had made a mistake by dumping him. One of our favorite stories of exes getting back together, the two are now actually happily married!
If you did something that caused them to stop trusting you which eventually led to the relationship breaking up, make amends. Show them your remorse. Give them assurances that it will never happen again and give them proof that you have indeed changed. Words do make a difference, no doubt, and a well-worded text straight from your heart may work wonders, but add some action and bam — that will show them how dependable and reliable you really are now.
9. Put yourself in their shoes
How to get back with an ex is not just about what you want. Your ex is an equal partner in this relationship. They may have been as hurt as you were by the breakup. As a result, it may not be easy for them to make the decision to getting back with you in a jiffy. Seeing things from their perspective can give you clarity on their reasons behind stalling or taking things slow.
It is likely to be a long-drawn process with a lot of different emotions in the mix. Perhaps relationship counseling can help in this process. But one of the rules for getting back together with an ex is to understand their side before coercing them into being with you again. That’s the only way the two of you can handle things better the next time. You must not charge at your ex with full force to fix things. Give them time but don’t let up on the effort.
10. Show them that you are willing to put in the work
To get your ex-boyfriend to want you back, you must clearly exhibit that you are willing to do things differently this time. Tell them all the changes you are willing to make or the things that you are willing to work upon. You must show them that you love them at all costs if you are serious about making them yours again!
Moreover, you must actually do those things instead of just saying them frivolously. For example, show them that you want to put more time into the relationship and give them more attention this time. Your commitment to make this work can play a big role in making them count on you again. Stop looking for signs that seem to say that you’ll get back together again and instead, just go out there and make it happen!
11. Be ready to make more sacrifices
Since things have already been strained between you two, you will have to take a more proactive approach to repair this damage. That includes the willingness to make greater sacrifices to make them happier. This is an important way to save a relationship. So if you’re asking, when is the right time to get back with your ex, it is only when you know you can give them more of yourself.
To show your commitment, you might have to toe the line much more this time around. Ask yourself is that something you’re prepared for? If and only if the answer is yes should you take the leap of getting back together with an ex.
Related Reading: Sacrificing In A Relationship – When, What And How Much?
12. Allow yourself to forgive
How to get back with an ex is not about bringing up your past problems and forcing them to apologize. It is about forgiving them for all that has ensued and starting afresh. Forgiveness in relationships is absolutely necessary. It may seem difficult at first to forget about all the hurt that has been caused to you.
However, talking about ugly things and bringing up the past over and over again will only make things uglier. You must be ready to work and solve the problems instead of playing blame games to ease the bruises on your heart. Want to get your ex back fast by text message? Send them a “I forgive you. I no longer hold any grudges in my heart. Can we please start over?” text to rev things up again!
13. Know that things will be different this time
Is it awkward getting back with an ex? Well, even if things normalize over time, you have to be prepared for some awkwardness during those initial days of your Relationship 2.0. Know that things will not be the same as they were before, because you two have gone through a lot. It is not fair to expect them to be just as they were and run back into your arms.
Making peace with your past is not easy. It will take time to take things back up to that same level again and you must help them get there instead of giving up. Put in the time and work and just be patient. Love them, care for them, cherish them and be a good partner. That’s all that really matters at the end of the day.
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According to recent research, nearly 50% of adult couples break up and then get back together.
If there are lingering feelings and you have enjoyed enough space apart to re-evaluate your actions, it can be good to try again.
Not necessarily. It might be in the beginning because things are slightly different this time around. But if the old love remains, it should not be that different or awkward.
For sure! Sometimes, a couple just needs to spend time apart to realize what they truly miss and work on it so that it’s much better the next time. If your ex is the same person you missed, you can fall back in love.
There are no rules as such. Just keep your head held high, your respect at utmost priority and be receptive to the other person’s needs.