The end of a relationship is one of the most crippling losses we can suffer in a lifetime. Whether you’re trying to move on or still pining for your ex, the power of silence after a breakup can be your most potent tool. Yes, we can see how this may come across as somewhat paradoxical. When all you want is one more glimpse of your ex, a chance to hold them and hear their voice one last time, “silence is powerful” may be the last thing you want to hear.
A breakup results in a gaping void in your life, brought on by an integral part of your life being ripped apart. This, in turn, leaves you hurting and overcome with a sense of longing. A longing for those good old days when you were smitten with each other. For the touch of your partner, the sound of their voice, the way their lips curl up a certain way when they smile.
Yet, here we are telling you that radio silence and no contact will get you through this heartache. With expert insights from psychologist and counselor Juhi Pandey, who specializes in family therapy and mental health counseling, let’s take a look at how the power of no contact and silence works in post-breakup dynamics between exes to understand why this strategy works almost always.
Is Silence The Best Revenge After A Breakup?
To drive home the importance of silence after a breakup, let us lead with one of the most popular quotes on the power of silence by writer Elbert Hubbard, “He who does not understand your silence will probably not understand your words.” This pretty much sums up why the silent treatment after a breakup works wonders.
If you’ve decided to part ways, there are bound to have been differences, issues, and misunderstandings at play. When your words failed to resolve those issues while you were together, how can you expect a different outcome now? That’s why ceasing all communication and creating some distance is the best way to gain clarity on why things didn’t work out and what you want going forward. From going silent on social media after a breakup to eliminating contact through texts, phone calls, and of course, in-person meetings is the only way to work through the mish-mash of emotions you’re experiencing.
Juhi says “The no-contact rule is a must if you want to move ahead in your life. If going cold turkey may be hard to deal with, you can start gradually reducing communication. Once it gets to a point where it doesn’t make too much of a difference to you, the power of silence after a breakup will help you with moving on smoothly. There will come a time when it won’t make much difference to you and believe me, it helps in moving on in life smoothly.”
When you’re in a relationship with someone, your life invariably becomes intertwined with theirs. Practicing the no-contact rule, coupled with complete silence, helps you view the reality of the situation objectively. Something that’s needed to gain perspective about where you need to go from here.
So, what is the no-contact rule? As the name suggests, it means cutting all contacts with an ex after a breakup. This is a time-tested technique to help you process your feelings, recover from a heartbreak and decide your future course of action.
The no-contact rule must remain in effect for at least 30 days. However, it’s totally up to you to extend it for as long as you need to heal. And even forever. For the no-contact rule to be effective, it has to be backed by the power of silence after a breakup. This means that you not only don’t meet or come face-to-face with your ex but also don’t talk to them, text them or engage with them on social media. It’s radio silence after a breakup and that’s how you keep it for some time.
If you want to use the power of silence after a breakup to your advantage, it also helps to understand the difference between radio silence and no contact, and how to use them in tandem. Let’s begin by looking at the radio silence meaning – you go out of communication and are unreachable. In the context of a relationship, radio silence would mean that you not only snap all contact with your ex but also leave them unable to contact you.
So, when you block them on social media, messenger apps, and also their number, you’re practicing radio silence. On the other hand, if the lines of communication are open but you don’t initiate contact, it’s known as practicing no contact. Both can be used in conjunction to optimally use the power of silence after being dumped or dumping a partner.
Related Reading: The 7 Components Of Male Psychology During No-Contact Rule – Backed By An Expert
Why Silence Is Powerful After Breakup
Going off the radar after a breakup can be one of the hardest things to do, especially in moments where it feels as if your heart will explode if you didn’t hear their voice right this second. In such moments, you may find yourself wondering whether the “silence is powerful” notion holds water at all.
Well to understand why silence is powerful after breakup, let’s consider the alternative. You are pining for an ex, you miss them, you want them back and you’d give anything to go back to the way things were. This desire can trigger desperation, and in your desperation, you may start inundating your ex with overtures they may not be ready for.
From drunk calling to a barrage of text messages, and cryptic or overly sentimental social media posts, you’re basically pleading with them, begging for their attention. This may make you come across as needy and pathetic, and your ex may lose any respect they have for you. Besides, if they don’t respond to your overtures, it can severely impact your confidence and self-esteem.
On the other hand, the silent treatment after a breakup allows you to keep your self-respect and dignity intact. You may grapple with the crippling pain of a heartbreak, but by not giving your ex a chance to show their indifference to your pain, you can avoid adding insult to injury.
Kylie, a young advertising professional from Seattle, who used the power of silence after breakup, swears by its effectiveness. “My boyfriend, Jason, and I were in what seemed to be a dead-end relationship. We had been together five years, on and off, but the relationship wasn’t going anywhere. Whenever I so much as suggested discussing the future, Jason would become withdrawn and stop communicating.
“This led to a huge fight one day and we decided to part ways and I just went silent. I made no attempts to contact him nor responded to his texts. After three months, Jason showed up at my door wanting to talk. I laid out all my reservations and expectations on the table, we talked and found a middle ground for taking the relationship forward,” she says.
Her boyfriend, Jason, adds, “When she went radio silent on me, I realized how much she meant to me. The feelings I had for her were a lot stronger than any fear of commitment.” So, is it better to be mysterious after a breakup than go begging for an ex’s attention? If Kylie and Jason’s relationship is anything to go by, the answer is pretty clear.
Whether you want to put a relationship behind you or are hoping for a reconciliation, silence is the most powerful tool in your arsenal, for the following reasons:
- It helps you heal from the pain of the breakup
- It gives you time to reflect on your relationship issues and decide what you truly want, without being influenced by your ex’s opinion on the matter
- It gives your ex a chance to miss you
- It gives you both a chance to resolve negative feelings about the breakup and put them behind
- It makes your ex want to talk to you because if they do, it’s out of their free will and not under pressure
Related Reading: A Rundown On The No-Contact Rule Female Psychology
Power Of No Contact And Silence After Breakup
Radio silence after a fight gives you time to reflect on just what happened, and you’ll find yourself coming back to the situation with a level head, better able to deal with the difficulties. It can be hurtful when a guy ignores you after a fight or a girl gives you the silent treatment after an argument. However, this spell of silence can give you an opportunity to calm yourself and process your thoughts and emotions better.
In a similar way, the power of silence after a breakup can help give you time to introspect. Juhi says “Silence is key after a breakup. Initially, it might be painful but it will end up giving you peace of mind since it’s rightly said that time is the best healer. When you have an urge to contact this person, distract yourself and do something which makes you feel better. Watch a movie, occupy yourself. You’ll realize how worthwhile the whole thing is when it helps you more than you ever thought it could.”
Why is no contact and maintaining silence after a breakup so important? Simply because it’s better to be mysterious after a breakup than be clingy and beg an ex to take you back. As hard as it may seem, here is what it can help you achieve:
1. A position of power
When you start talking to an ex immediately after a breakup, it is usually for two reasons – to let them know how distraught you are and convince them to get back together or to show how unaffected you are. Either way, it makes you look desperate and weak. On the other hand, by maintaining no contact and absolute silence you can convey your indifference and neutrality more effectively.
Besides, the importance of silence after a breakup in helping you move on much faster cannot be stressed enough. If you truly want to leave the past behind and are convinced that you and your ex do not have a future together, going off the radar after a breakup. By doing so, you can eliminate all the unnecessary drama from your life and focus on your healing.
Why is silence so powerful after a breakup? If you’ve been asking yourself this question, know that moving on isn’t the only scenario where silence is powerful. It can also be just as effective in winning over an ex. Simply because ignoring a man after a breakup or cutting contact with a woman post-breakup, makes them wonder if you cared about the relationship as much as they thought. Or if you’re as affected by it as them. Not knowing drives them up the wall. Let them come to you after a breakup, you shouldn’t go begging them.
Related Reading: 8 Benefits Of Silent Treatment And Why It’s Great For A Relationship
2. Actions speak louder than words
Remember that episode of Friends where Rachel messes up a date and then goes on to drunk dial Ross to tell him she’s over him and has found closure? And remember how embarrassing it was for her to watch Ross listen to that message? No good ever comes out of drunk dialing an ex and telling them how you’re over them.
No matter what you say, the fact that you reached out shows that you care. The same goes for drunk texts. You’ve basically transitioned from begging for attention in a relationship to begging for attention from an ex. This sends across a message that they’re too important for you. Your ex may even start believing that you cannot function without them, and may start taking you for granted even more.
On the other hand, when you just go off the radar completely, your ability to handle a breakup well speaks for itself. So, brace yourself to walk away and make him miss you by practicing radio silence after a breakup or make her wonder what you’re up to by cutting her out of your life. When a woman goes radio silent or a man follows no-contact after breakup, it does confuse and intrigue the other person. That’s arguably the best way to deal with the breakup.
3. Time to reflect
The power of no contact and silent treatment is that it gives you time to reflect. You can free yourself from the “I want him back” or “How do I win her over again?” obsession. The distance from your partner gives you an opportunity to introspect and reflect on what it is that you truly want. Do you really want to get back together with your ex or is it the familiarity of the relationship that is keeping you hooked?
Juhi says, “When you have time to reflect, you can think about situations that bothered you and examine their root cause. Ask yourself why things happened the way they did and what you could’ve done differently. Sometimes when you’re very impulsive, it leads to the worsening of relationships.”
As the power of silence after a breakup helps you introspect, you begin to see things more clearly. Maybe they were not the right person for you. Or perhaps, you need to work on yourself to be able to make a relationship thrive. So, how does radio silence after a breakup work in this scenario? By creating enough time and distance to allow you to explore what happened and why from a fresh perspective.
4. Your ex seeks answers
The power of silence after a breakup, especially when you do it without a forewarning, is that you leave your ex with more questions than answers. This is especially true if you practice radio silence in a relationship after being dumped by the silent treatment. Where are you? What are you doing? Why haven’t you called? What does it mean?
Silence after being dumped keeps the dumper totally confused. Being dumped by silent treatment will make your ex lose any sense of power they thought they had. Even if your ex was the one who decided to part ways, your sudden absence is going to make them re-evaluate things as they stand. In short, cut him off and he will miss you. Or stop contacting her and she will realize your value in her life.
The power of silence after rejection, or even after you’ve pulled the plug on a relationship, rests solely in the fact that it inspires curiosity and intrigue. Your absence will stir up far more questions than constant badgering and making attempts to win over an ex. The quest for answers can make your ex realize your value in their life. Even if you regret breaking up and want to give the relationship another chance, let him come to you after a breakup or let her make the first move.
Related Reading: 18 Proven Ways To Get Over Your Ex-Boyfriend And Find Happiness
How To Use The Power Of Silence After A Breakup?
One thing is certain, both women and men respond to silence and distance with greater curiosity and interest in an ex than they do to constant overtures of going back to the way things were. Trying to move on without using the power of silence will often result in a more troublesome experience. You can’t really cut back on sugar when you keep talking about how good it tastes all the time, can you?
Whether you want to get back together with an ex or snap the chord for good, you cannot overlook the importance of silence after a breakup in achieving that goal. But how to use the power of silence after a breakup to make sure it has the desired effect? Here are three steps to bear in mind:
Step 1: The no-contact rule
You already know what the no-contact rule is as well as the difference between radio silence and no contact. Now, let’s take a moment to understand why is silence so powerful after a breakup. When one person decides to pull the plug on a relationship, the equation can not remain amicable. And it is rare that both partners decide to end a relationship at the same time and for the same reasons.
The feelings of anger and hurt you feel after being dumped can make you do some silly things post-breakup. You may end up getting angry and saying things you don’t mean. Or you risk coming across as needy and desperate by begging and pleading with them to take you back. Trying to guilt them into changing their mind. Or worse, threatening them.
These actions only do more damage to an already fragile bond. This mess and nastiness can kill any hope of you getting back together or even maintaining a cordial relationship in the future. Even worse, it’ll give you multiple experiences you’ll regret in about 6 months’ time. Every time you remember that night you drunk called your ex, you’ll be cringing about it, trying to hide your face.
The power of no contact is that it saves you from letting your emotions get the better of you. Besides, you learn to deal with and process your pain on your own. This is a big step toward realizing that you don’t need another person to make you whole. Whilst being dumped by the silent treatment, your ex will immediately realize as well that you don’t really need them as much as they thought you did. Your life is yours to live and improve, you don’t need a toxic partner to help you out.
Related Reading: How To End A Relationship On Good Terms
Step 2: Limited contact
Once you’re confident that the no-contact period has served its purpose, you can resume limited contact with your ex. This means talking or texting once in a while. It is important that you can – and do – go without talking to them for days together. Otherwise, you risk falling back to your old patterns of feeling the need to share your life’s every tiny detail and new development with them.
All the hard work you had put into maintaining no contact goes to waste. The idea behind limited contact is to test the waters and see whether you can talk to your ex without turning into an emotionally fragile hot mess. Besides, it gives you an idea about what ignoring a man after a breakup does to him.
When you two handle the break-up maturely, it will help you understand yourselves better. If you’re able to achieve closure with your ex after an appropriate time of no contact, it will result in a more holistic healing process. The operative term here is “appropriate time of no contact”. Please keep in mind that the power of silence after a breakup doesn’t work in one week of no contact.
So, for how long should you use the power of silence after being dumped or dumping someone? Well, as long as it takes for you to get to a point where not talking to them doesn’t feel like someone is gnawing your guts out and the prospect of talking to them doesn’t light up your face, your day, your life. In other words, once you feel ambivalent about being in touch with an ex is when you should end the radio silence after a breakup and move to limited contact.
Step 3: Communication and withdrawal
Once you get past step 2, it is safe to assume that you’ve reached a place where you can share a space and have a conversation with an ex without it bringing back all those post-breakup feelings. You can now use the power of silence after a breakup to create positive communication.
Now that enough time has passed, negative feelings on both sides ought to have subsided, you can build upon the positive, friendly feelings you experience when talking to an ex after a long spell of silence by keeping things cordial and alternating communication and withdrawal.
Let’s say you have a longish phone conversation and you both hang up happy and content. At this point, you must withhold communication for some time. Now that you know exactly why the silent treatment works with an ex, use this knowledge to your advantage by strategically opening the lines of communication for small doses of interaction and then pulling back.
When talking to someone – even if they’re your ex – feels good, people tend to keep going back for more. The more you talk, the more old issues and complaints start coming up. Old wounds are reopened and the situation can spiral out of control pretty quickly. On the other hand, when you withdraw communication, you leave a bitter-sweet aftertaste.
If you’re wondering, when does a man start to miss you after a breakup or when does a woman start regretting a breakup, right about now is your answer. The positive, feel-good communication will certainly make you both look forward to more. This can fire up the longing and open up the door to reconciliation. If you’ve both moved on and agree that you aren’t a good fit as romantic partners, this could be the beginning for a strong, wholesome platonic relationship.
Related Reading: 7 Reasons Your Ex Is Hot And Cold – And How To Deal With It
What Does The Power Of Silence After A Breakup Achieve?
Now, that you have successfully applied the power of silence after a breakup, what next? The question to that answer depends on what you want. Once you have established positive communication using silence after a breakup, the likelihood of your ex rethinking their decision is very high.
Your absence, and then strategic presence, is bound to make them see you in a new light. If you started using the silent treatment and power of no contact as a means to win them over again, this is where you can take that leap. However, starting over a relationship isn’t a decision that should be made lightly. Make sure you and your ex weigh and discuss all the pros and cons before making a decision and not get swept up in the spate of emotion brought on by the power of silence.
Sometimes, people set out with an objective to patch things up with an ex but the no-contact period makes them realize that it’s not the best course of action. If that’s where you’re at, allow yourself to move on guilt-free. Even if you decide not to get back together, using silence after a breakup helps you to maintain a cordial relationship with an ex. Or at least, view them in a positive light, allowing you to look back at your relationship without grudges or malice.
Juhi says, “Learning and self-improvement is a lifelong process. When you employ radio silence after a fight or a breakup, you get time to introspect, and see what your strengths and weaknesses are. Ask yourself how you can improve. To aid us in our journey for self-development, abstaining from contact with your ex will do wonders for you,” when asked what the power of silence after a breakup can help us achieve.
The real power of silence after a breakup is that it sets you free from your fears, inhibitions, and dependence on another person. What you choose to do with that freedom is up to you. To get the most out of going off the radar after a breakup, it’s vital that you start this process with a preset notion of the outcome. Just take things one step at a time, and see where the path leads you.
After being dumped, if you are being silent, that’s the best revenge because the person who has dumped you will keep wondering about your radio silence and will not be able to make out if the breakup affected you at all.
If you realize the importance of silence after a breakup you can move on much faster. On the other hand, by maintaining no contact and absolute silence you can convey your indifference and neutrality more effectively.
Once you maintain radio silence at your end your ex might keep making attempts to contact you or find out from friends how you are doing. They might text you or even try to make you jealous by saying they are seeing someone else. These are sure-shot signs your ex is not over you.
Even though it depends on your goal, you must use radio silence for at least 30 days. If you’re looking to move on and never look back, you can use radio silence for however long you want, since you don’t have to talk to your ex again.
If you want the power of silence after a breakup to help you get things back, using it for a minimum of 30 days is a good start.