Did past infidelity in your relationship make you distrust people? Do you snoop on your partners, second-guessing their motives and even the most genuine answers don’t seem to put you at ease? Looks like you have a throbbing mess of intense trust issues.
Whether you are dealing with heartbreak from a jilted lover in the past or have been betrayed by a friend, for people with trust issues, trust does not come naturally to you. Being wary of people is different from distrusting your partner and friends.
There might be no actual evidence to begin having trust issues with people, but that’s just it – you do not need a reason to have trust issues, do you?
Trust issues are more about having trust in yourself than on other people. Trusting yourself to not assume the absolute worst about people, to not flee while in a relationship and lastly, to not snoop.
Why Do You Have Trust Issues?
You understand trust is vital for a happy relationship, trust is fundamental for a society to function. Yet, having trust issues is common among people.
But then whom to trust and how much to trust can be uncertain for everyone. And of course, life experiences can make one mistrust people and lose out faith and trust. So what is the psychology behind trust issues?
The psychology behind trust issues: Pistanthrophobia or the phobia of trusting people is a legit thing and normally stems from prior bad experiences where your trust gets broken.
Past bad experiences, especially of a relationship, might leave people heavily cautious of future relationships.
Having trust issues is quite similar to that. Trust is a leap of faith. It is like dancing with blindfolds on. Sounds quite magical? But for people with trust issues, trust is less of a dance and more of a nosedive from a cliff, with blindfolds on.
It’s scary and leaves them vulnerable – they do not like the feeling. If you have trust issues, opening up to people or sharing details of your life cannot come easily.
What’s the guarantee they are here to stay? You might think people will break your trust and leave you anyway, so why even bother trying?
What Can Cause Trust Issues?
A number of factors can be responsible for trust issues.
- You could have had a toxic childhood and had parents who always controlled and distrusted you
- You could have been a victim of child abuse that is why in adulthood you cannot trust anyone
- Parents were dishonest to each other so seeing that while growing up a person becomes defensive about trust without even knowing it
- Could have seen parents going through a divorce and all the blame shifting that followed leading a person unable to trust easily
- Could have been madly in love in the very first relationship and then got dumped and terribly hurt hence unable to trust anyone again
- Many people are just afraid of intimacy and closeness and end up self-sabotaging the relationship
Related Reading: How Saying ‘I Love You’ Too Soon Can Be A Disaster
10 Signs You Have Trust Issues In A Relationship
There is a certain degree of trust issues that everyone has, but if it has come to affect your relationships, then you surely need to recognize the signs and work on them.
Trust has many little components that make it whole. Most trust issues manifest themselves as a result of childhood experiences – and stay with one forever. They simply seem hard to go and it is tough to get past them yet not impossible.
1. You think “Yeah, he is good but can I trust him?”
The primary question in your head every time you get into a relationship. Even though you are happy in the relationship, the question nags you at every turn.
“What if he is just pretending to be this good?” “What if she is being good to other people as well?” The healthy part of the relationship is overshadowed by the constant feeling of distrust and you cannot seem to shake it off.
2. Taking major decisions for the relationship seems to choke you
Do you feel slightly uncomfortable while talking about the longevity of your relationship? The mere question “Where is this going?” from your partner seems to make you lose control or shut off entirely.
In your head, you are awaiting the impending doom of the relationship, because let’s face it, you think this relationship, like everything else, too will end.
3. Snoopy should be your new name
Because nothing your partner says seem to put your racy mind at ease, so you snoop. And you snoop a lot. Checking their phone to see what new WhatsApp text they got, or secretly getting to know their passcode so you can check their phone while your partner is in the shower – all add up to your raging bouts of trust issues.
You are simply convinced that your partner is not trustworthy. Snooping on your partner is an age-old manifestation that you have immense trust issues.
4. You believe them…but not quite
You might smile at your partner’s funny recount of his boys’ night out; your mind is already beginning to not believe him.
Your attention is spent more on finding loopholes in his stories rather than genuinely listening to it. You are trying to fathom “what exactly” did he do? Where were the women involved that he is conveniently not telling you.
5. You hate when they go places without you
Spending time apart is healthy for any relationship. But you hate it when they go out without you and assume the absolute worst of them.
Your trust issues in the relationship and your partner do not let you be assured of anything.
6. You get triggered very easily
It’s your past experiences giving you the chilly feel that triggers your mood swings now and then. Being distrustful has become your second nature and you cannot help it.
7. Always think of the worst possible scenario
You are always on a look-out and your guards are up to your earlobes. You expect your partner will eventually betray you, which is why parting with them temporarily makes you think that he probably has another relationship.
If you go too long (maybe an hour or two) without contact you automatically assume he is out doing someone nasty at the back of a pub. You don’t need any proof or hint of their wrongdoing you just keep assuming the worst in everyone.
Related reading: 8 Ways To Overcome Insecurity In A Relationship
8. Always think that your trust will be broken
Whether you have had your trust broken by someone in the past, or been conditioned like that while growing up, you expect your trust will be broken eventually.
Worried about your partner might show his “real” self someday and that would devastate you. It’s like you are constantly awaiting people to break your trust because, in your eyes, no one is trustworthy.
Every missed call, every receipt you find, you are like “Well, here you go”.
9. You put your relationship to the test
If you think your relationship needs to be put to test and you indulge in it quite often, you are setting it up for failure.
If you think relationships are meant to be catastrophic, you need to evaluate how you look at healthy relationships.
But testing your partner constantly is the worst thing you can do to your relationship.
10. You end things before things (read: people) can hurt you
When you have trust issues, you are wired to flee before the relationship can hurt you. The relationship which has bloomed over months is abandoned because of your fight or flight response.
If you stay, you get hurt. But if you leave voluntarily, you are choosing to leave to protect yourself from heartbreak.
All of this can make you feel depressed and isolated. Because for all relationships to foster, a certain degree of trust has to be there, you find yourself lonely and consider it out of your boundary to trust anyone. You feel like you are giving the other person the power to betray and hurt you.
However, with constant and persistent efforts, you can surely learn to trust others. You will need help, but gradually you will learn to trust people, and even if you do get hurt, you would learn to hurt well.
And that would make all the difference in your life.
Exercising a bit of caution in the initial part of a relationship especially if you are meeting after dating online is fine. But not being able to trust at all is harmful for the relationship especially after you have pledged your commitment to each other.
Insecurity can cause serious trust issues. Insecurity makes people anxious and they end up behaving in the most obnoxious manners at times because of that.
This happens. You could love a person madly but still have trust issues. Although trust is the most important basis of a relationship but many people say they can’t help snooping or asking for their partner’s passwords.
Lack of trust can totally ruin a relationship. Trust is the basic foundation of a relationship and when there are trust issues it will ultimately corrode the relationship.