The starting of a relationship is an exciting experience where we are busy looking at the bright side. Yes, companionship is something most of us look forward to. But there are a few things that are definite deal breakers even before commencing a relationship. This list is not to discourage you from taking it a step forward with your partner, but beware of these signs as red alerts foretelling some major disturbance in your life.
1. Anger issues, abusive behaviour
Even though both parties are on their best behaviour in the initial phase, anger or tendency of abusive outbursts will leak out sooner than they plan to reveal. No, do not convince yourself that you are going to make him a better person or change her the way no one could. Let me burst your bubble. You are not his counsellor. And if you are, bill him; don’t fall in love with him. Getting into an abusive relationship means you are forcing yourself into toxicity that you could have avoided. Keep your eyes open to see if his sudden cursing or her tantrum was just a lone incident or a mistake made too often. If you cannot walk out of the door abruptly, confront your partner. It might not have been recognised as a problem before. Having done your good deed, go take a breather, your date was not ready for more.
Related reading: 8 ways to know whether he loves you or into it just for sex
Who does not want to be indispensable in another’s life? No. I said that wrong. Who does not want to be important in another’s life? Of course, we all do. Especially with that special someone you are currently seeing. But when your date behaves like an attention craving baby that starts throwing a fit the moment its favourite toy is taken away from it every time you miss replying to a text or returning a call – that is not importance but a sign that this in all probability is not going to work out. You want your partner to want you, not need you like a lifeline. That amounts to a full-time job of a nanny to an adult. This deal is not going to last.
3. Hygiene or the lack of it
The shabby appearance makes you want to take care of him, right? Women, thanks to media, are known to at least take care of their outer appearance. But imagine a greeting from a cocktail of garlic, cheese and last night’s drink as you lean in to a kiss. Yuck! Exactly! This is not going to work out when you know your partner does not care enough to take care of their own hygiene. You want to feel emotionally and physically comfortable with your partner, and that clearly is an impossible feat to pull off if you dread oral sex with them more than a root canal.
4. Low Self Esteem
You cannot be his support system. Low self-esteem also amounts to becoming bitter sometimes when they feel they cannot match up to their partner. It is understandable to go through a phase but constant self-depreciation and loathing is neither healthy nor attractive.
Related reading: 6 tips to cope with a breakup
5. Married or committed
This is a tricky situation where social construct comes in conflict with instinct very strongly. Morally you should not be dating a person committed to another. But sometimes when all the parties involved are aware of each other’s existence and have nothing against the situation, then morality loses the argument. But your date’s existing partner should be aware of your existence. You do not want to knowingly cause another pain, know that you could be on the other side of the table too. Even after mutual consent, be wary of the complication you are stepping into. We cannot gracefully handle one variable, forget multiple ones.