The starting of a relationship is an exciting time where we are busy looking at the bright side since humans by their very nature crave companionship. When we consider the prospect of a relationship, we factor in the qualities we desire in our partner as well as traits that we absolutely cannot put up with. The latter fall in the category of relationship deal-breakers. In those early days when you view everything about a potential love interest with rose-tinted lenses, it is possible to lose sight of these red flags in a relationship. However, this rookie mistake can cause you a lot of pain and agony later on.
It is, therefore, essential to be clear about what are some of the longterm relationship deal breakers for you and weigh a prospect vis-a-vis these yardsticks before taking the plunge.
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5 Common Relationship Deal Breakers to Avoid
While everyone has their own set of preferences and expectations when it comes to choosing a partner, there are a few common deal-breakers that can foretell some major turbulence in your love life. Here are 5 such common longterm relationship deal breakers to watch out for:
1. Anger issues and abusive behaviour
Even though both partners try to be at best behaviour in the honeymoon phase of the relationship, anger issues or a tendency of abusive outbursts will slip through the cracks inevitably. If that happens, do not convince yourself that you can make them a better person or change their inherent behavioural tendencies. You are not their counsellor. And if you are, bill them, don’t fall in love with them.
These traits are the single biggest deal-breaker in a potential partner. Don’t put yourself at the receiving end of unnecessary toxicity by getting into a relationship that can turn potentially abusive. When you spot this red flag the first time, keep your eyes open to see if his sudden cursing or her tantrum are isolated incidents or compulsive habit.
If you cannot walk out of the relationship abruptly, talk your partner about it. It might not have been recognised as a problem before. Having done your bit, go take a breather. You definitely deserve better.
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2. Being needy is a red flag in a relationship
Who does not want to be indispensable in another’s life? No, I said that wrong. Who does not want to be important in another’s life? Of course, we all do. Especially when that person is a potential love interest.
But if the person you’re dating displays cringe-worthy attention-seeking behaviour and starts throwing a fit the moment things don’t go as per their expectations, it’s a common deal-breaker to take note of. If the person you’re getting together with throws a hissy fit every time you miss replying to a text or returning a call, it is a sign that there need for attention will eventually take a toll on the relationship and things won’t work out.
You want your partner to desire you and your company and prioritise you in their life, but this goes beyond that paradigm and amounts to a full-time job of a nanny to an adult. It is one of the longterm relationship deal breakers that should not be overlooked. The person you’re with will not become more secure once they feel settled into the relationship. No matter how much you like them, this need for attention and clingy behaviour is a problematic tendency you just cannot wish away.
3. Being too finicky about hygiene or not caring about it at all
Remember Monica from Friends? It’d be a nightmare to date her! God bless Chandler’s heart for loving her despite this very annoying compulsive need for cleanliness. But life is not a sitcom, and being with someone who’s fixated about keeping things a certain way and overly finicky about hygiene can be a pain to survive.
In fact, this can well be listed as one of the top deal breakers for guys. You can’t blame them too, right. Who’d want to spend their life worrying about not using a coaster with a cold drink or fluffing up pillows! On the flip side, shabby appearances are undoubtedly among the deal breakers for women. The inherent charm of unkempt looks is one thing but imagine being greeted by a cocktail of garlic, cheese and last night’s drink as you lean in for a kiss. Yuck! Exactly.
It is undoubtedly hard to make it work with someone who cannot be bothered to take care of their hygiene. You want to feel emotionally and physically comfortable with your partner, and that is an impossible feat to pull off if you dread oral sex with them more than a root canal.
If these opposite ends of the hygiene spectrum end up together, it is undoubtedly a disaster waiting to unfold.
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4. Low self-esteem
If you’re looking for something serious with a person, low self-esteem can prove to be one of the major long-term relationship deal breakers. No doubt being in a relationship means becoming each other’s support system over time but you cannot possibly be happy in a life situation where you’re constantly reassuring your partner of their self-worth.
Of course, the other person may have had traumatic past experiences that have triggered this dip in their self-esteem and that can make bailing out seem selfish and unkind. But it’s a bandaid that you ought to rip because people with low self-esteem can become bitter when they feel they cannot match up to their partner.
Going through a low phase in life is understandable and happens to the best of us but constant self-depreciation and loathing are neither healthy nor attractive.
Related reading: 6 tips to cope with a breakup
5. Being married is the biggest deal-breaker in a potential partner
It can be a tricky situation where social construct comes in conflict with your strong instincts. Morally, you should not date a person who is married or in a committed relationship with someone else. Yet, it happens all the time. People get involved with someone who’s already ‘taken’ despite being aware of their relationship status.
That is courting trouble on so many levels unless this potential partner’s existing partner is aware of the relationship dynamics and comfortable with it too. Getting involved with a married person is one of the biggest red flags in a relationship that you must avoid at all costs – most of all for the sake of your emotional stability and sanity, and also to not become the source of another person’s pain.
Even if there is mutual consent in such an arrangement, be wary of the complication you are stepping into. Jealousy, insecurity and constant bickering are just a given with such relationships, and that’s the exact opposite of what one seeks in a fulfilling romantic alliance.
If you spot one or more of these red flags in a relationship, bolt as fast as you can. There is no honour in upholding a commitment at the cost of your peace of mind and happiness.