Whether it is due to our personal egos or plain ignorance, lack of communication in a relationship can be a silent killer. Even though things might be looking okay on the surface, internally there is a storm brewing, one that refuses to be acknowledged.
Relationships are all about honesty, trust, fairness and communication. When you allow someone to become your significant other, you give them a key to your heart that becomes essential to making your relationship succeed. For that, one needs to be persistently communicative and truthful to their partner.
How Poor Communication Can Ruin Relationships
Troy sat quietly, waiting for the doorbell to ring. She would get back home anytime, he knew. Today, he wanted to speak to Kim and share his worries about a life that had gone off the rails in the last few months. Adding to that, the lack of communication in a relationship had only made their problems worse.
The two of them had been married for a few years – a happy, fulfilling marriage. It was until he resigned from his job of a corporate executive, wanting to be his own man. His plan hadn’t worked out the way he had hoped. He had experienced a series of lows that he had stored deep inside his mind, becoming increasingly distraught and depressed.
Several efforts to strike independent business deals had fallen through. She didn’t know about his attempts and failures, and believed that he just didn’t try hard enough. The two of them argued often, with Troy unwilling to fully reveal his side of the story. A relationship without communication, both had been suffering internally.
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No time for words
Today, however, he would speak to her and let it all out. He had to explain why his earnings had gone down the way they had, he knew that if he didn’t speak, his enthusiasm for fresh pursuits would flag. He just had to talk. The bell rang. He opened the door, and smiled at Kim who walked in, looking tired after her long day at work.
She smiled in return, but it was a courteous acknowledgement with a raised eyebrow rather than a relaxed response. She walked towards the bedroom with the little cocker spaniel following her, stepping out of the room only when she wanted to have her dinner. She had indeed become an emotionally distant spouse.
Another day went by – a day scarred by one more professional failure, and silence in the personal space. The only person who heard him out, he thought, was the little dog. It was annoying, and heartbreaking. Relationships can go to pieces when egos collide. That’s what was happening to his marriage. It was breaking down owing to bad communication in the relationship.
He loved her to death, but didn’t have the courage to share his worries. The choice of silence was a path leading to the end of it all, but he chose to tread it without thinking of the end. She interpreted his silence as lethargy, and lost her cool at times. The same sequence of events repeated itself time and again until she left the house.
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He refused to take the first step
He didn’t stop her either. Their bad communication in relationship had gone so far that Troy could not even bother asking her to stay for him. He felt that she had taken the decision, and she had the right to do what she believed. After she left, he spent his days in mournful silence most often.
He reached out for the computer and telephone for a while every day; but then, he needed to do some work to pay his bills. At times, he cried profusely but chose to cope with loneliness alone. The dog rushed towards him when he did, and tried to lick the teardrops off his face. But he didn’t call her up. Their problem of no communication in a relationship only grew worse from that point onwards.
She had left everything behind. She’d been wrong. She should be the one to act on it and make things right again and she did. She sent him home-cooked food sometimes. It was lovely indeed for she was a brilliant cook – but he was annoyed. Why was she sending him food after leaving him, he asked himself? The answer hit him swiftly: she shouldn’t. He picked up the phone, and told her how he felt. The food stopped coming. The distance grew further.
A slow ending
Kim had left the city, and found a job elsewhere. As she found comfort in a new professional environment, Troy was hit by the death of his uncle who had brought him up. Hospitalization for a potentially serious heart-related ailment followed. The loyal dog also left him for an unknown destination.
Troy was forced to dump a contractual professional agreement, because the employer had been arrested for questionable activities. The company had stopped paying for several months, compelling the decision.
Kim knew about it all, but didn’t respond – except for that one time when she rushed to his hometown after his uncle passed away. She also only further exacerbated the lack of communication in a relationship. Living in a newly found world, she seemed to be convinced that he wasn’t a part of her future. The promise of a shared life in their old age had made way for the hideous threat of divorce with dignity, not what either of the two would have wanted when they had started out.
Maybe Troy should have accepted the food that she once sent with a smile on his face. Or maybe he should have gone and met her, if only to thank her for her sweet act. Maybe she should have asked him whether he was chasing people for work or sitting idle all day, waiting for miracles. A few things should have turned out differently – not long ago.
Importance Of Communication In Relationships
Why is communication important in a relationship? So that one does not waste time like Troy and Kim, going about their lives, feeling dull and empty. For reasons that were petty and small, Troy and Kim refused to budge. Their bad communication in relationship quickly turned into no communication in a relationship because they were always waiting for the other person to make the move.
Know that, once your communication indeed becomes poor, you stop discussing problems and start hiding things, your relationship is already at a decline. Put away your ego and stop waiting for the other person to prove themselves to you. It is time you rise to the occasion and make an effort to make things right as well. Don’t play this game which eventually becomes a lack of respect in a relationship and only gets uglier.
If you are not talking to them and including them in your decision making, you are at fault. So pick up the phone or have that confrontation which you have been putting off. Don’t worry if it gets ugly. Trust that they will understand you and be there for you. There is no good reason for lack of communication in a relationship.
Try these exercises to improve communication.
By letting your guard down and talking things out. You have to put away all other feelings, make love your primary motive and simply open your heart to them.