Marriages, like any other relationship, are not free of problems. But it’s only when couples are unable to deal with these marriage problems that their relationship hits rock bottom. There are certain obvious signs which indicate that a marriage is on the rocks and almost over. If you notice these signs, then you must take quick action to save your marriage.
We believe this kind of pitfall in a marriage occurs when two people begin to fall out of love with each other. And, it does not happen overnight. The burden of familial responsibilities and financial crisis, in some cases, sucks the life out of a marriage. The couple loses themselves in the never-ending race of survival and giving their children the best life, and gradually forgets to convey their feelings for a long time.
One day, they find a cold and distant air between them indicating that their marriage is on the brink. The very presence of one partner in the house seems annoying to the other. Soon enough, the beds are pulled apart and they are sneaking out to see a new mate. We’re sure this is not the fate you wish your marriage to have. Let’s discuss the signs your marriage is on the rocks before it is too late.
When Does A Marriage Take A Downturn?
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When is your marriage on the rocks? It is essential to get a rudimentary definition of a stressful marriage so that appropriate steps can be taken to protect the relationship. You both might become distant from each other and often get into useless arguments. You may even find yourself wondering if you should stay in an unhappy marriage with kids.
The children become more important than the bond with your partner. You throw yourself into your work and your career becomes your sole focus. You will feel an invisible wall between you and your partner. You will definitely know your relationship is on the rocks when you start thinking about the prospect of getting separated. So, what are the necessary steps you can take when your marriage is on the rocks? Well, the very first step in this direction is recognizing and accepting the red flags of a dying marriage.
15 Signs your marriage is on the rocks and almost over
You might try to convince yourself that you’re doing fine. That all marriages face problems and every relationship goes through ups and downs. This is true to an extent but sometimes marriage problems go deeper than that. To help you identify if your marriage is at that stage, we put forth 15 signs. This should help you judge if your marriage is beyond repair and is going to meet its imminent end.
1. You both become physically and emotionally distant
How to know if your suspicion “my marriage is on the rocks” is true? Forget about showing your love by cuddling, hugging, and enjoying the benefits of kissing each other. You both fail to even be there for each other emotionally. Instead of sharing your feelings and supporting each other, you become disconnected and fail to understand your spouse.
The physical and emotional detachment makes you distant from each other. You feel like strangers in the same house. You don’t seem to understand each other anymore nor are you interested in making this relationship work. This is the most tell-tale sign that your marriage is on the rocks.
2. You both argue over silly things
Since you are not able to connect with your partner on an emotional level, arguments characterize your relationship. Instead of having healthy debates or discussions on any issue, you both start quarreling over silly things. In fact, you keep on fighting about the same things over and over again. You would fail to agree on a single topic or maybe you just disagree intentionally because conforming to your spouse’s choice gives you a feeling of defeat. So, is your relationship on the rocks? We are afraid it is.
You are easily agitated and fail to have meaningful conversations with your spouse. It’s as if a switch flipped and you just don’t have the patience to deal with the other person anymore. The fights could be about anything from unpaid bills to sharing chores or even what to watch on TV. It starts small but snowballs into a big fight, almost always. This is an absolute sign your marriage is on the rocks.
3. Sometimes you do not argue at all
When do you know your marriage is on the rocks? When you don’t argue at all. A marriage survives only if the couple fights at times to let each other know their respective viewpoints. Sometimes, marital conflict can be a boon because, naturally, no two partners can be in sync and agreement all the time. They are supposed to have non-identical perspectives on many situations and it’s healthy to let them out.
But if both of you do not argue at all and let things pass, then it is definitely one of the signs it is over. Remember, differences of opinion are extremely important for the growth of any relationship. You can opt for marriage counseling to help you realize a few things. Feel free to visit the Bono counseling panel to consult our team of skilled counselors and psychologists if you feel your marriage is on the brink.
4. You both complain a lot
Married life is about being mindful of your spouse’s likes and dislikes and sometimes making sacrifices for each other. However, if you both complain a lot and have the feeling that only you are making efforts to make the relationship work, then it means there is something definitely wrong.
You still do things for each other but never with a happy heart. Instead, you grumble and complain about it. Doing a cost-benefit analysis is good for businesses, not relationships. You have to do things for your partner without always hoping for an equivalent in return. Having realistic expectations in a relationship is important if you don’t wish to see your relationship on the rocks.
5. You think about a life without your spouse
Do you feel that this marriage is suffocating you? It’s like there is a heavy rock placed on your chest and you can’t let yourself free. That is exactly when the thoughts of a brand new liberating single life pop up in your subconscious mind. Because deep down in your heart, you might actually know that you are in a loveless marriage and it is not working out.
The moment you reach a phase in your married life when you start daydreaming about a life without your partner, it is a sign that your marriage is on the rocks. This is why you often imagine how great a life without your husband/wife would be. It very well describes a stressful marriage.
6. You get attracted to other people
My friend, Tania, told me, “I think my marriage is on the rocks. Today, Dave from HR asked me out for a coffee, and I didn’t think twice before saying yes.” Since she is genuinely not happy with the relationship, it’s not surprising that she’d find comfort in a third person. For all I know, she might even be attracted to this person.
The fact that you are married and still attracted to someone else may make you feel guilty at first, but later your desires overrule the guilt. When you start developing feelings for someone else apart from your husband/wife, it’s probably time to end your relationship.
Related Reading: 8 Things You Can Do If You Are In An Unhappy Marriage
7. You find excuses to avoid going home
Looking for more signs your marriage is on the rocks? The prospect of going home to your spouse does not excite you anymore. Instead, you try to find excuses to avoid going home so that you do not have to face your partner. At this stage, you are simply done with the daily drama and chaos and desperate to find an escape route. You prefer going out with friends or other family members and spending time with them brings you the peace that is missing at home.
8. You both refuse to make things work
Living together and facing problems in your marriage has become so common that you don’t even make an effort to make things work anymore. You both seem to have lost the motivation to effect change for the survival of the relationship. When your marriage is on the brink, blame-shifting in the relationship turns out to be a daily occurrence.
You tend to believe that everything that is wrong with your marriage and in your life is entirely due to the fault of your spouse. However, no one takes the initiative to solve the issues and keep the marriage alive. Not wanting to make things work is one of the signs that it is over.
9. You doubt whether your spouse is the right partner for you
If your marriage is on the rocks, then you will continuously think about your choices and regret your decision to get married to your spouse. Your feelings toward your partner change and you begin to doubt if you have chosen the right partner for marriage. You start thinking about an old lover who now seems would have made a far better husband and companion. Constant second-guessing equals a stressed marriage.
10. Secret-keeping characterizes your relationship
Once you and your spouse start keeping secrets from each other, it is the beginning of the end of your married life. If you start hiding things from your partner, especially on purpose, then it means you are no longer comfortable with him/her. There is a lack of trust in the relationship. The institution of marriage functions on trust. If you feel like you can’t trust your partner, your marriage is on the rocks.
11. Sexual compatibility disappears
Have you wondered why your wife avoids intimacy these days? Or why does your husband turn down your advances? You both do not have time for each other because of which you are unable to get sexually intimate. You may as well be in a sexless marriage with no fire left in the relationship. Even if you try to make love with each other, it leaves you disappointed in the end, because you fail to satisfy each other’s sexual needs.
Maybe it’s even mercy sex from one partner’s point of view. Perhaps, you find ways to avoid sexual encounters with your spouse because you are no longer sexually attracted to him/her. Do you need a more prominent sign your marriage is on the rocks?
12. Both of you start leading your own separate lives
A relationship can grow and prosper only if both partners are willing to share life experiences together. But if you and your spouse start living lives that are mutually exclusive, it points toward a stressful marriage. You start pursuing your own interests and hobbies, enjoying your own social lives, and ignoring your life as a couple after marriage.
You will know your relationship is on the rocks if you have nothing in common anymore. While it’s okay to be independent in a romantic relationship, you cannot justify it anyway if your independence kills the romance eventually. This is an absolute sign your marriage is over and you could be headed for a separation.
13. Children become the top priority in your lives
The equation between the couple changes after the children come into their lives. But a couple should know how to balance the needs of the kids and the intimacy in their relationship. Once you start making the kids your only priority and ignoring your personal relationship, it is a grim sign your marriage is on the rocks. It’s easy to shift focus onto your kids and ignore your marriage problems. But how long do you think you can continue to live in this facade?
14. The relationship fails to foster individual growth
It is extremely essential that partners support and encourage each other to become better people. However, if you find yourself being jealous of your partner’s success, then perhaps your relationship is on the verge of collapsing. As one partner feels unappreciated in the relationship, they are bound to create a distance from the other.
At one point in time, you will notice they are not making you a part of their success or celebrations if you fail to genuinely be happy for him/her. You, as an individual, would be unable to grow due to such feelings, and even your spouse’s growth is going to be inhibited due to a lack of support from your side.
Related Reading: How To Tell Your Husband You Want A Divorce?
15. You try to create a facade
You feel like you’re in a play, pretending everything is all right. Especially when you are around other people and have to act like a happy couple. If you have to create a facade in front of other people, then it means your relationship is really not on the right track.
For example, you feel the urge to post pictures with your spouse on social media. You do this because you are insecure about your relationship and what others think about it. Why would you have to pretend if you already had a healthy relationship? The moment you realize that your marriage needs help, you must look at the options that you have.
You can either throw yourself into making all the efforts to work things out or approach a counselor or a therapist. But if you feel like your marriage is on the brink and there is nothing left for you in it anymore, head for a separation. Leaving each other to live happier lives would be the better option than suffering together. Go ahead and get a divorce from your spouse, but try to end the relationship on a good note
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It suggests that as a couple you have lost the last bit of physical and emotional connection that you had. Compatibility is not a word anymore in your dictionary and you simply don’t see any future with your partner.
There are two options open in front of you – either you have a productive conversation on how to make this marriage work and put some real effort to bring in the changes, or you opt for separation and file a divorce in due course to end the relationship gracefully.