How To Make Up After A Fight

Team Bonobology
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Reconnecting after a fight can be a heavenly experience. Trust us. We are not talking gibberish. A fight can bring two people really close. The kisses and cuddles and the apologies that come after a fight have more power to cement a relationship than anything else. How you are making up after a big fight says a lot about the way you want your relationship to unfold. Some couples become more distant after a fight. Some sulk for days and some even walk out of the house to find temporary relief from the screaming and the bickering but fact remains, in every relationship, it’s inevitable fights would happen. But how you are making up after a fight is a pointer to which direction your relationship will go.

How To Make Up After A Fight

Let’s face it a relationship is between two people who have grown up with different values and mindsets. So the clashes are unavoidable. This is not to say that you would be fighting every single day over the smallest things but sometimes there is a possibility of arguments escalating into a big fight. That’s when reconnecting after the big fight becomes supremely important and how you are doing it, really counts. If you think of throwing an apology in the air and expect your partner to melt you are making a big mistake. Making up after a fight needs some effort and maybe you should read this article to know how it could be done.

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1.  Make-up sex

It tops the list, hands down. If you two had a nasty fight the night before, give yourselves the time to calm down and follow up with some steamy make-up sex. Sure you wouldn’t feel as passionate as you would on any other morning, but getting intimate with your partner after a fight will help you move past the disagreements from earlier. It will bring two of you to close together after playing opponents.

Reema said just after their wedding when they had the first big fight her husband just shut her up by kissing her hard and then you can guess what followed.

After 10 years of marriage she says she still remembers how they made up but has forgotten what they were arguing about.

2. Laugh together

If the clash is about you two want different things then negotiating with your partner is the most effective way to resolve the tension. If he wants to see a Cricket test match on a Sunday while you want to watch the latest movie release, meet your partner halfway. When you think your partner spends more time in his social circle, this interaction has the possibility of becoming a heated argument. What should you do then? Maybe laugh together. Most fights happen over flimsy issues. If you can use the power of humour to laugh at yourselves and realize how silly you have been then it can really help you reconnect after a fight.

Related reading: Try these 9 things to make it up to him!

3. The magical three words

‘I am sorry’ goes a long way to settle a couple’s dispute. You might not be comfortable saying this often, but saying you’re sorry and really meaning it is not just brave, but also the best way to deplete the negativity after a tussle. Since none of you can be right at all scenarios, owning up to your mistakes is the first and most effective step towards building a healthy relationship.

4. Text each other

Vipin and Ria were having a fight since morning. First, it started at the breakfast table then as the two proceeded to work the fight continued on the text. Suddenly when Ria was frenetically typing and giving Vipin a piece of her mind he suddenly texted, “I love you. Leave it. It’s not worth it.” Ria felt a sudden surge of emotion that she hadn’t felt before. She fell madly in love with Vipin all over again for his ability to focus on the love instead of on the fight. After two minutes Ria wrote, “Want to take you out for lunch today.”

There are times you can resolve things on the text that you might not be able to do in your face-to-face interactions. So use the power of messaging to reconnect after a fight.

Related Reading: The First Fight In A Relationship – What To Expect

5. Let them cool off

But there are times when no make-up sex, negotiation or apologies makes sense if one of you is playing stuck-up on the issue. In such a situation giving your partner some cooling-off period is the best way to go. Give them some time to process his thoughts and clear their head before they come with a peace offering.

6. Give your partner space

Some people become angry as quickly as they cool off and some people might take time to become angry but when they do they could take really long to calm down. This is the time they need their own space. Give it to them. Don’t keep harassing them with knocks on the door and continuous peace offerings. If they are at work or not at home don’t keep texting and asking if they are okay. You have to understand your partner needs their own space to come back to their old self. Harassing and heckling them to smile and say cheese at this point would be a wrong thing to do. Just let them be they would come around.

7. A cuppa does wonder

A cup of coffee can work wonders after a fight. It’s a hot brew but it really helps you to cool off. You can make it at home or a better idea is to hit your nearest coffee shop or even the most favourite coffee haunt is a good idea. Add some chocolate chip cookies to it and halfway through the cup, you might actually forget what was the argument about.

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8. Get to the bottom of the issue

Sometimes what looks like a silly issue on the surface could have deeper ramifications. If a partner has issues about you watching TV all eve then maybe they want attention from you, if every time you are shopping he is complaining about paying the bills then maybe it’s your exorbitant purchases that are stressing him out. He is not really on an anti-shopping campaign as you are thinking but maybe if you picked up less expensive stuff he would have been happier.

She could be always nagging you for doing the chores but in reality, she just wants to feel appreciated for what she is doing for the family all day.

So instead of arguing and shouting over these issues maybe you could think deeper and resolve the issue. Thinking deep is a good way of reconnecting after a fight.

9. Don’t be afraid to return to the topic

Some couples are afraid to return to the topic that caused a fight. They apologise and shove the issue under the carpet and try to move on not realizing that the topic could remain like a wound in the relationship and raise its ugly head like a monster a few months later.

A good way of reconnecting after a fight is to go back to the topic that triggered the fight. Avoiding it won’t take you anywhere. Talk about it. You might not be able to resolve the issue immediately but starting dialogue calmly is a good first step.

10. Acknowledge if you are wrong

This really helps a couple to reconnect after a big fight.  To make up after a fight with their partner people often apologise but they are not always willing to acknowledge that they were wrong. Try to delve deep within yourself and find out where you are going wrong. What was your role in starting the fight and continuing the word match? If you have the capability to realize where you went wrong no harm in acknowledging that.

Related reading: 6 tips to fight like grownups

In short, don’t focus on the fights and arguments more than the love that you two share. Anger is momentary, love is forever.

What are your tricks to solve an issue with your partner? Tell us in the comments section below.

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