It’s a real pity when respect is lost in a relationship that was going strong, and it’s even worse when despite the love and acceptance being gone, people choose to stay unhappily together. Respect and love in a relationship form the very foundation of it.
Most people acknowledge and recognize this fact. Yet, many couples struggle with this question: How to bring respect back into a marriage when all hope seems lost? Most marriages stand on thin ice when one or both spouses start feeling disrespected in the relationship. Acknowledging this fact and dedicating time and effort to resolving the problem is the first step toward fixing your relationship.
How To Bring Respect, Love And Acceptance Back Into A Marriage?
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How to get more respect in a relationship when your partner doesn’t even want to spend time with you anymore or is suddenly embarrassed to involve you in their social life or even has the audacity to ditch some plans you may have made together?
Lack of respect for your time and the commitments made to you equals lack of respect in a relationship. Unless there is an equal effort by both parties to fix things, the marriage is doomed. Stop giving chances to people who don’t deserve you. Read my story to know why it is important to stand up for yourself when there is zero respect or else you might start feeling lost in a relationship.
Related Reading: 13 Ways To Respect A Woman In A Relationship
My marriage was fixed
I was a pampered child, born and brought up in a small town. After finishing my education in 2007, I moved to the city and started working there. A few years later, my parents set me up with a suitable match since I didn’t have time to find someone myself.
They chose a well-settled guy with a good family background from Delhi. I went on a date with him and soon we started hanging out a lot more. He respected me for being career-oriented and I admired him for it. At the time, I thought I couldn’t find anyone better for me. It wasn’t until much later that I’d see the signs of lack of respect in the relationship.
End of the honeymoon
I got married in December 2010 and my beautiful life ended. The initial honeymoon period was good. We went to Europe on our honeymoon. It ended quickly and we came back to Delhi. The real married life began. My in-laws, who pretended to be very sweet before the wedding, suddenly turned rude.
During the initial days of my marriage, when I needed my partner the most, he was too far away from me. My husband, who was supposed to be with me at night, watched TV in his mom’s room. He came into the room when I fell asleep. He didn’t like talking to me. We didn’t have any physical intimacy because according to him I didn’t smell good.
After marriage, we lived like roommates, the only difference being the change of marital status. And it’s junctures like these when you realize you are losing yourself in a relationship. I felt lonely and depressed. I was just a maid in the form of a good daughter-in-law, brought into the family with the sole responsibility of pleasing everyone. I knew respect and love in a relationship were important but I couldn’t figure out how to make my husband love me.
My in-laws’ dominating nature and their rules applied to me, not their son. My husband was a complete mama’s boy. His mother still cared for and pampered him like a kid, which was too much to digest. My marriage with my husband was just nominal. In reality, I was married to my in-laws. I had to love them, take care of them, please them, and in return, I got accusations and sarcasm.
It was frustrating
I was fed up with my life. How do you even start to improve a marriage when your husband clearly chooses his family over you? My husband didn’t even look at me. He spent all his time outside the home, at the office, or with friends. In a new city, with no job, I had to be with his parents and live my life according to their wishes. I got frustrated with my suffocating life.
There was no acceptance in marriage – he didn’t want to accept that I was earning more than him and had a right to be a part of family decisions. He didn’t even want to accept that I was miserable in that house and in that relationship.
Related Reading: How To Find Yourself Again In A Relationship When Feeling Lost
I began to lose myself
I lost my job, my identity, everything after marriage. The least I expected from everyone was acceptance, love, and respect. Unfortunately, I got none. Feeling disrespected in a relationship is one thing, but looking around for support and getting none is the hardest part.
During the initial days, I talked to my parents on the phone and cried. They advised me to try to adjust but I was emotionally drained. I was feeling lost in a relationship completely and the reality of it suddenly hit me hard. It was then I decided to take charge of my own happiness and live my life the way I wanted. I was sick of being expected to follow the ideal daughter-in-law stereotype.
But then I had an epiphany
I started looking for a job to keep myself engaged. In 2015, I got a job in a company near my home. You can’t imagine my happiness as I got the key to upholding my own freedom. At least, I could spend a few hours as I wished. My in-laws and husband opposed my decision, saying the pay was very less. I understood they didn’t actually care about my well-being but had an ulterior motive.
They were worried about who’d take care of the daily household chores like cooking and cleaning. I assured them that I would do everything before leaving the house and after coming back. I started work, making sure that my housework wasn’t affected. Everybody in the house today is happy, and even I am happy and content with my work. I can get fresh air outside instead of getting stifled in the suffocating atmosphere at home.
Related Reading: Living With Constant Criticism From The In-Laws
I took charge of my life
The best part was that when I started working, there was a drastic improvement in my relationship. I could feel the change. I felt more confident and updated to showcase my skills. Even my husband realized it. He saw how well I managed working and household chores.
We started talking about so many topics after coming back from work. We started eating dinner together, watching TV afterward and talking about different things. This reduced the communication gap and increased the physical intimacy between us. He learned to accept the similarities and respect the differences.
I even gathered the courage to ask him to dedicate some time to our relationship. It was only fair. And yes, I got acceptance, respect and love in a relationship after seven years of my marriage. I realized how difficult it is for a woman to survive when she isn’t accepted. Don’t ever lose hope even if you are feeling lost in a relationship right now. Be yourself and never allow anyone to mistreat you and things will change for the better.
You are not born to please everyone. Work for yourself and be independent. If you want to know how to bring respect back into a marriage, it is only possible if you start respecting yourself first. It’s not only about earning money and being financially independent but also to live according to your own choice. The power is liberating.
Dedicate some time to nurturing the relationship. Talk to your partner about it. Without love and respect, the very foundation of the relationship is lost.
If you’re the only one who seems to care, or if you find yourself putting in the time into mending things without any reciprocation, you need to understand that this relationship is not worth it.
If he doesn’t show up on time, ditches you last-minute, and is embarrassed to bring you along with his friends, he doesn’t respect you enough for you to continue being with him.