People often assume that the greatest fear in any relationship is the fear of losing your loved one. However, the truth is that the most painful thing is losing yourself in a relationship. In the process of loving someone, we often forget that we need some love too. ‘How to find yourself again in a relationship?’ is a question that most people want to ask but can’t. This is because they do not believe that there is a place for ‘me’ in a relationship.
Loving others is great, but isn’t it unfair to hold back that love when it comes to your own needs? Why do you feel guilty or selfish when you choose to put yourself and your needs ahead of others?
How To Find Yourself Again In A Relationship – 5 Ways When Feeling Lost
The only reason you are losing yourself in your relationship is because you don’t know that love is not an external entity. It is something within you. So, before expecting others to shower their love on you, why don’t you start by loving yourself first?
We hardly talk about loving ourselves when, in fact, loving yourself is the only way to find who you truly are. Through these 5 ways, I wish to show you how to find yourself again in a relationship when you feel like you have lost yourself.
Related Reading: How To Cope With Feeling Lonely In Marriage
1. Fall in love with yourself
If you truly want to know how to find yourself again in a relationship, then make sure you make yourself and your needs a priority. To love yourself and find yourself again, you have to learn to stop losing yourself in a relationship that only demands love and is not making you feel loved.
The simplest way to find yourself again is to fall in love with the most amazing person in your life – YOU! Give yourself a chance to experience what true love feels like. A love that is unconditional and with no complications whatsoever.
Start small, maybe by establishing a new routine that gives you the chance of reconnecting with yourself. Take up some new hobbies or courses that align you with your inner self. Make it a habit to do activities that make you feel happy.
For 10 minutes a day, make sure you are thinking about no one else but yourself and what you need. These small actions will show you what you are missing out on, and ‘how to find yourself again’. You will start discovering who you really are.
2. Have that conversation
Recently, my friend David told me that he was feeling lost in his 8-year-old relationship. Being committed to a person for eight years is amazing, but losing yourself in a relationship is extremely painful.
David said, “I feel like I lost myself bit by bit over the years, and now I have no way of finding myself again.” It was heart-breaking to hear these words, but then it hit me. It wasn’t me David should be having this conversation with. Serious relationship questions and topics like these need to be discussed with your partner rather than a third person.
No matter how difficult it seems, telling your partner the truth about how you feel is the only way you can understand how to find yourself again. Telling them that you are not feeling like yourself lately and want to work on finding yourself again, will actually make the whole process a lot easier.
If they truly care about you, they would help you out in this journey of finding yourself again. So, get out of your comfort zone and lay out your feelings in front of them. Who knows, maybe they are having the same thoughts too.
Related Reading: How Spending Time With Friends Helps Improve Your Relationship
3. Reconnect with your family and friends
Knowing how to find yourself again will require you to know who you are. Investing too much of yourself in a relationship can make you feel disconnected from others in your life. So, in your journey to finding yourself again, you need to find a way to spend time with people from all aspects of your life.
Go on those long drives and trips with friends that were extremely exciting to you before that special one came into your life. Relive your childhood memories with your family by going on a vacation or arranging a family game night at your place.
Do all the things that you used to do before you entered a relationship with your partner. Reconnect with the people who knew the previous you and remind yourself of the world that exists outside of your relationship. Remember, when you clearly set your goal and say out loud, “I want to find myself again,” you’ll notice everything and everyone around you contributing to this journey in one way or another.
4. Claim back your freedom
Your passion project has been lying unfinished for months or even years. This may be because you have been busy supporting your partner in everything they do. You have had no time to sit down and reconnect with your dreams and goals, but you make sure to spend some quality time with your partner to keep the relationship from falling apart.
If you can relate to any of these scenarios, I believe you are losing yourself in a relationship while ignoring the life you once believed you could have. Standing strong with your partner is great, but forgetting your own goals and dreams at the cost of your partner’s is something to worry about.
It’s necessary to understand that it’s not okay to lose yourself while trying to be everything for everyone. If you find yourself in a quest to find yourself every time you’re in a relationship, or if it has been happening over and over within the same relationship, it means that you take away your own freedom in order to please others.
The problem seems to be you, and you need to dig deeper. You should know that everything is in your hands and sometimes, you just need to take back what is rightfully yours. Stop limiting your life to your partner and your relationship. Expand your horizons and work on fulfilling the dreams that you once saw for yourself.
Related Reading: 5 Reasons Why Space In Relationship Is Not An Ominous Sign
5. Consult a life coach
Finding myself again and again in relationships that used to take away my identity was getting overwhelming. I had no clue what to do. Just then, I came across an advertisement on social media where a life coach claimed to teach how to find yourself again when feeling lost, through some life coaching sessions.
I was a bit hesitant at first but, trust me, that was one of the best decisions of my life! To know how to find yourself again, you have to know about the resources that are available for you out there. When feeling lost, an unbiased opinion from a qualified professional can work wonders.
My experience taught me that part of the reason I feel like I lost myself in a relationship is because of the lack of fundamental support from my family and friends. And maybe, that’s the problem with you too.
A life coach is trained to analyze your situation and provide the best insights on how to reach your goal. They might help you set concrete goals and objectives, and guide you toward turning these visions into reality. With this guidance, the answer to your question, “How to find yourself again?” might seem easier.
I hope these 5 ways will help you find yourself again when you are feeling lost. The key to finding yourself again in a relationship is realizing that you don’t have to give up your individuality in order to be an ideal partner to someone. Your relationship is a part of your life and not your whole life.
If you, or someone you know, is struggling with something similar, then book an appointment with a certified professional who can provide the necessary support. You can check out our counselor page at Bonobology.com and book an appointment instantly with one of our qualified experts. Because at the end of the day, the only thing that matters is you.
A small spark can turn into a roaring fire within seconds. So, don’t underestimate the power of rekindling broken relationships. If your relationship has hit a point where you both argue constantly and no longer trust each other, then maybe all you need is just a little spark. You can do this by speaking less and listening more to what your partner wants to say. To avoid conflicts in future, you can sit down together and set some ground rules. Taking efforts to add fun and intimacy in your relationship can help you light up that fire again.
If you are someone who believes that your identity is decided by the people around you, then there are high chances that you lose yourself around people. If you feel your identity is referenced externally, you will tend to prioritize your relationship with others over everything else. To avoid this, you need to shift your perspective from the external world to your internal one. Spend time with yourself and find out what you want. Concentrate on how you see yourself, and try to analyze your personality without taking the opinions of others into consideration.
Living your life, the way you always wanted to, is possible even when you are in a relationship. Learning to recognize your emotions, continuing to work toward your goals and passion, learning to love yourself, and practicing certain activities alone are some of the many ways that can stop you from losing yourself in a relationship. Apart from that, investing your time in some new activities or hobbies can help you grow as an individual, and might help you reconnect with yourself and your new-found unique identity.