Why Do People Have Affairs? Here’s My Story

Emotional Stress | | , Author & Corporate Storyteller
Updated On: May 17, 2023
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Payton swore to herself never to look at a man again. For the 100th time, she chided herself — what had she done? Some people now knew — how could she be so careless? And she figured that people were talking about her when she went out. She once overheard a woman saying, “Why do people have affairs even though they have such perfect lives? Her husband is such an unlucky man.”

The other day she was running on the treadmill in the neighborhood fitness centre and two girls started giggling, looking at her. She knew they were gossiping about her affair too. This instance seemed to completely consume Payton’s life and there was nothing she could do about it.

Do you really want to know, why do people have affairs? Then hear it from Payton directly. This real-life account is sure to give you a deeper insight into affairs — why they happen and what makes people indulge in them. Here is an affair story that will blow your mind.

Her Affair Story

“Why did I have an affair?” she kicked herself mentally.

Payton had met this guy at a yoga class. She was in her 40s, he must have been in his 30s. She had a hectic lifestyle. The responsibility of looking after her mother’s office took up most of her time. After that, she’d look after her home. Her husband was a successful entrepreneur, good looking, loving, caring, etc. She ran out of compliments for him.

But she wanted something more. And this handsome hunk from yoga gave her exactly that.

She was much richer than he was. He was a very middle-class guy compared to her, so mostly she paid for the hotel rooms, their coffee dates, the expensive wine bottles she got for him to savor along with the good sex. Alcohol and sex are a lethal combination. And she just loved every second of it.

But even with the most perfect husband and a busy lifestyle, what made her sneak around like this and cheat

Her reasons for an affair

Why do people have affairs? Someone who has indulged in infidelity may suddenly find themselves asking existential questions like “How do affairs begin?”, “How did I end up getting caught in this quagmire?”, “My partner is perfect. What was I looking for?” and “Why did I cheat?”

An extramarital affair takes root long before a third person comes into the picture. The underlying cause is the subtle cracks that begin to fracture a couple’s relationship, making room for the transgression.

The idea of an affair takes hold in the cheating partner’s mind, as feelings of loneliness and emptiness in a relationship set in, convincing them that there is no hope to fix what’s broken. Once this troublesome foundation has been laid, all it takes is for someone reasonably attractive enough to fill the hole. A few passionate meetings and this irresistible proposition can lead to an affair story. The attention feels good, there is some harmless flirting, and before long, the person finds themselves sucked into the affair, despite themselves.

good reasons to have an affair
Why do people have affairs? They have their reasons

Her affair story is a tale of raging passions

It was no different for Payton too. In the beginning, she wasn’t so keen to meet him or give him any real attention. She had enough on her plate. But now? She wanted to see him all the time! She was completely smitten by him. It was so difficult to be alone with him and have sex, yet she found places for it. Sometimes a hotel on the highway, sometimes the back seat of the car, however uncomfortable it was.

He was married too and they both swore to each other they were not having sex with their partners.

Payton used to wonder at her raging hormones. The sex was good, but not outstanding like it was with her husband, because with him she was not shy to express what she wanted. With her boyfriend, she tried too hard to please, pretend, and even fake orgasms, which sometimes tired her.

She could spend hours with him in bed checking him out, counting his moles and discussing anything and everything in the world. And he would talk about her for hours.

Life was so good.

How long did the affair last?

The affair story began to unravel soon. His wife discovered their flirty text messages and she called up Payton and threatened to make it public. She had already started talking to some common friends and the cat was out of the bag. Payton broke contact with her boyfriend, and her affair ended. His wife came to meet her and said she would also tell Payton’s husband everything.

Payton first pleaded and cajoled, and then, with absolute insouciance said, “Do what you want. Tell my affair story to everyone. I don’t care.”

But nothing of that sort happened, the matter died, but a little damage had been done. Payton, being kind and rich, called up her now ex-boyfriend and generously handed him a packet of money to buy his wife something and placate her so it didn’t reach her husband’s ears. However, the whole incident gave Payton a reason to reflect upon and understand why do people have affairs and what makes them cheat on their partners.

Then, questions like “How long do affairs last?”, “Can extramarital affairs last a lifetime?” and “Is my affair story really love?”, began to occupy her mind space. She began delving deeper into the subject and realized there were no simple answers. From one-night stands to long-term emotional affairs, infidelity came in various shapes and forms. One resource pegged the average duration of an affair at 6 months. By that measure, Payton thought, she and her boyfriend had a good run.

Related Reading: From An Innocent Friendship To A Sexual Affair – How Emotional Infidelity Ruins Relationships

Can Extramarital Affairs Last A Lifetime?

After her transgression, Payton became very loving towards her husband. She took care of him, cooked him his favorite meals all the time and tried to reconnect with him in new ways. He thought how lucky he was to have such a good-looking, fit and caring wife.

Payton and her husband were on a fancy cruise and were madly in love again. It was their umpteenth honeymoon. They made friends with a couple on board. His handshake would linger longer than necessary with Payton. Once, sitting next to her, his hand rested on her thigh. Payton giggled but did not remove the hand.

She baby lisped, and said, “You are very naughty” and giggled. Life was exciting all over again! She was extra nice to his wife too.

They exchanged numbers and he had promised he would visit her.

“Baby, I just dream of you all the time,” he had said.

She had giggled.

Her mind wandered back to the question – Can extramarital affairs last a lifetime? Are there any good reasons to have an affair?Well, maybe not with the same person, she thought. And yes, if you are unfulfilled in your marriage then that itself makes it a good reason to have an affair.

She remembered her promise to God that she would not do it again. But she felt no cheating guilt this time. She thought, “Life is too short. Promises are meant to be broken, and this would be absolutely the last time. I have my reasons for my affair story. And God knows me well too. He will be on my side again.”

after an extramarital affair

Why Do People Have Affairs?

Extramarital affairs and infidelity have always been viewed as an unfair and almost sinister thing to do to your partner. One always seems to sympathize with the person who has been cheated on and while that is correct in it’s own place, nobody ever cares to look into why the other partner cheated on them.

Let’s get one thing straight. Nobody ‘wants’ to hurt their partner or make them feel inadequate in a relationship. That’s probably why they hide their affair stories from them too. They don’t want to ruin their lives or their mental space which is why they keep it a secret. What really makes people have affairs, is a lack of fulfillment in their present relationship and even in their life. Even boredom in a relationship can make one have affairs.

When one is not happy, loved or sure about the current relationship that they are in, they might gravitate towards others to feel that sense of validation and security from someone else. Even though their current partner might be ready to give them the world, there is something lacking that has created a void. And these other side relationships are what they use to fill this void.

The dynamism of relationships and love tell us that there is no blaring ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ about cheating or extramarital affairs. But one has to agree, that people have their reasons for doing the things that they do. And that doesn’t always come from a bad place.


1. How long do extramarital affairs usually last?

There is no specific duration as it varies from person to person and situation to situation. If one is exceptionally unhappy in their marriage, they may indulge in affairs for a long time. Some may just be looking for a quick escape only to realize it was a bad decision all along.

2. What is the main reason for affairs?

Affairs, why they happen – all depends on the health and strength of the marriage or relationship one is in. One only has an affair story when they begin to seek something outside which they are not getting in their present commitment.

3. Can an affair be a good thing?

The answer to ‘Why do people have affairs’ is often because it gives them a refreshing perspective on their life and makes them feel a little bit better for the time being. When stuck in a bad marriage, a monotonous routine or a dull lifestyle, it may feel like those are good reasons to have an affair.

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Readers Comments On “Why Do People Have Affairs? Here’s My Story”

  1. I hate it when ladies behave such insane and try to Destroy someone else’s home just to satisfy their bloody emptiness . I hate such bitches . Try to catch a guy who is unmarried and not a committed one atleast . Grrrrrr

    1. So it’s fine if men do it??? What logic..!!! LOL.. Men are women who do this need to be taught a lesson.. not suggested to catch a single girl/guy and spoil their lives too…

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