(As told to Joie Bose)
Did she really have to spend so much time with her friends?
The first time that I got a sneaking feeling that my wife was cheating on me, was when she began looking forward to me going to office after we got our new flat in Gurgaon. After our wedding, we had lived with my extended family in the house that I grew up in Nizamuddin, for about a year. I had assumed our arranged marriage and living in the joint family to be the reason why we were not really close, emotionally.
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We had a robust physical relationship and trust me, I had never expected such a tigress to be living in the body of the docile girl, who helped my mother and aunts in the kitchen. But the emotional connect was not there. In her free time, she used to go out to her friends’ houses or to meet her cousins.
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When I went along with her, I felt alienated. She never really included me. So I thought that perhaps if we got more time alone, I could expect romance, and had booked a home in Gurgaon, near my office. But what I found out was something that broke me down totally. With time I realised my wife is a nymphomaniac.
Why was she never at home?
She began looking forward to me going to work. She had many friends in Gurgaon and from morning till night, she used to be out. I too have friends and trust me, it is impossible that they will give me so much time. Life is busy. But my wife’s friends were always free. I understand that adultery is the call of the hour and so I began thinking that perhaps she was having a relationship with her exes. It was possible. I had never spoken about her past with her or about mine, but the way she behaved in bed, it was impossible that she was a virgin.
One day, I saw her walking into a mall near our home holding hands with a man. I was in the car. I called her, to ask her where she was. She didn’t pick up the phone. I asked her where she was when I had called, later on after reaching home. She coolly said she was sleeping. I didn’t press her. I was angry. But I kept quiet, for I’m a patient man.
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What the detective found out
I went to a detective agency the next day to dig into the matter. The report shocked me. Over the next week, they followed my wife to find out the following:
1. Every day after I left, she went to the house of a young boy who was in college. His parents were school teachers and his house was empty. Every day at 11, when the boy left for college, my wife left with him.
2. She then went to have lunch with a man who had a restaurant nearby. Every day.
3. Then she went to the gym and it was a known fact that she was having an affair with the hunky instructor.
4. She went swimming next to and there another swimmer took her out often.
I was devastated. I didn’t know what to do. So I called my cousin, who also happens to be my best friend – Mukesh. It was Mukesh who took me to a counsellor first, then both my wife and me, and then she got diagnosed as a sex addict.
who took me to a counsellor first, then both my wife and me, and then she got diagnosed as a sex addic
How can I bring myself to help her?
You know, they tell me that I have to be supportive. I was told that I had to help her. That I have to understand. I could not. My relationship is gone. I don’t feel like even touching her. I don’t feel like looking at her. All the time the pictures of those four men she was sleeping with come to haunt me. I cannot accept that my wife is a nymphomaniac and her sex addiction ruined our relationship.
All the time the pictures of those four men she was sleeping with come to haunt me.
It feels as if they are all laughing at me. Stupid me. How could I let this happen?
I can’t really help her come out of this. How can I? I’m human. I will go mad if I have to help her. But I am told that I have to for she is not well. I don’t get this kind of unwell. It’s been like this for the last two months. When I go out, I lock the door. Now that my wife is locked in, she has got depressed. I have to take her shopping, or else she might try to kill herself. I suggested she go to her parents, but she doesn’t want to. She is a ghost of what she used to be. My relationship is a ghost of what it could be. I am thinking of going back to Nizamuddin. I had heard of sex addicts but never imagined I would have to deal with one.