Ukudelela Emshadweni: Izimpawu, Izimbangela, Nokuthi Ungakulungisa Kanjani

Ukudelela emshadweni kungaphezu nje kwentukuthelo noma ukungavumelani; kuwukuzizwa ungcono, ukukhombisa ukungahloniphi, ngisho nokuzonda ngokomzwelo ngomlingani wakho. Eqinisweni, abacwaningi abanjengoDkt. John Gottman bathole ukuthi ukwedelela kuyisibonakaliso esinamandla kakhulu sesehlukaniso, ngisho nangaphezu kokungathembeki noma ukulwa ngemali.

 Uma omunye umlingani ephatha omunye ngokumdelela noma ngokumgcona, kuthumela umyalezo ocacile wokunengeka nokuphakama kokuziphatha.

Kuyini Ukudelela Emshadweni?

Ukudelela emshadweni kusho ukuphatha umlingani wakho njengomuntu ophansi noma “ongaphansi” – kuwukuhlasela komuntu siqu ukubaluleka noma ubuntu bakhe, hhayi nje ukukhungatheka ngento ayenzile. Ngokungafani nokugxekwa okuvamile, okuhlose ukuziphatha okuthile, ukudelela kuhlasela ubuwena bomlingani wakho. Ngokuvamile kuvela entukuthelweni noma ekucasukeni okuhlala isikhathi eside emshadweni , futhi kubonakala njengezimpawu ezisobala noma ezicashile zokuthi umlingani wakho uphansi ngandlela thile.

Isibonelo, ukwedelela kungabonakala kanje: 

• Ukuhlekisa ngemibono yomlingani wakho
• I-Sarcasm
• Noma ukubabiza ngamagama

Kungaphinde kuthule: 

• Ukugoqa amehlo
• Ukumamatheka
• Noma isenzo sokuxosha

Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, indelelo ithumela umyalezo othi “Ngingcono kunawe,” obhubhisa umuzwa wokuphepha nokulingana okudingwa ubudlelwano.

Kungani Ukudelela Kuyingozi Kangaka

Ukudelela kuvame ukubizwa ngokuthi “umbulali othule” wobudlelwano, futhi ngesizathu esihle. Akugcini nje ngokulimaza imizwa ngaleso sikhathi, kuqeda sonke isisekelo somshado. Inhlonipho nokwazisana kuyinhlanganisela ebamba ubudlelwano ndawonye, ​​futhi ukudelela kuyayiphula leyo nhlanganisela. Uqala ukubona oshade naye njengenkinga noma umthwalo, hhayi njengomngane noma othandekayo.

Nakhu okwenzekayo lapho ukwedelela kuqala:

• Kubhubhisa inhlonipho: Ukudelela kuveza ukuthi “Angikuhloniphi.” Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, niyayeka ukwazisa imibono nemizamo yomunye nomunye. Oshade naye uzizwa edelelekile futhi engelutho
• Idala ibanga Kudala igebe elingokomzwelo. Ningase niqale ukugwemana noma nikhulume ukuze niphikisane kuphela
• Kubangela ukuzivikela: Uma ubeka phansi umlingani wakho, bavame ukuzivikela noma vala shaqaLokhu kwenza ukuxazulula ngisho nezingxabano ezincane kungenzeki
• Kuqeda ukuphepha ngokomzwelo: Umshado uyachuma uma uzizwa uphephile ukuveza izidingo zakho kanye nobuthakathaka bakho. Ukudelela kuyadlula kulowo mgoqo wokuphepha
• Kulimaza impilo: Ngokumangazayo, izifundo kukhombisa imibhangqwana ebonisana ukwedelelana njalo ihlushwa ukugula okungokomzimba kakhulu kunemibhangqwana ejabule. Ukucindezeleka kanye nemizwa ebuhlungu kwenza buthaka isimiso somzimba sokuzivikela ezifweni

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izisekelo Ezi-7 Zokuzibophezela Emshadweni

Izimpawu Zokwedelela Emshadweni

Ukuqaphela ukwedelela kuyisinyathelo sokuqala sokukuvimba. Ezimweni eziningi, ukwedelela emshadweni akufiki ngokuzwakalayo. Kuvela kancane, ngezwi, izinkulumo, kanye nezikhathi ezincane eziqeda kancane inhlonipho. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, la maphethini adala ibanga elingokomzwelo emshadweni futhi aqale ukuzizwa ejwayelekile, yize elimaza kakhulu.

Izimpawu zomlomo

Izimpawu ezisobala kakhulu zokwedelela emshadweni zibonakala ngolimi. Lokhu akuzona izingxabano ezilula. Zibonisa ukuziphatha kokwedelela okuhlasela ubuwena bomlingani wakho.

1. Amazwi ahlekisayo

Imibono efana nokuthi “Umsebenzi omuhle, ngqondongqondo” noma “Yebo uphinde wakwenza kabi” ingase izwakale ilula, kodwa ithoni yokugcona ithwala ukwedelela ngokomzwelo. Ukugcona kuvame ukufihla intukuthelo ejulile kanye nokungaphatheki kahle ngokomzwelo.

2. Ukuthuka nokugcona

Ukuhlekisa ngemikhuba, imibono, noma amakhono omlingani wakho kudala umkhuba wobudlova obuhlobene. Ngisho noma kufihlwa njengehlaya, kubonisa ukungahloniphi emshadweni.

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3. Ukubizana ngamagama angcolile emshadweni

Amagama anjengokuthi “isiwula,” “angenamsebenzi,” noma “odabukisayo” adlula ukukhungatheka. Ahlasela ukuzethemba futhi anegalelo ekuntulekeni kwenhlonipho ebudlelwaneni.

4. Amahlaya anonya kanye nokuhlambalaza ngamazwi

Amahlaya alulaza oshade naye angase abonakale engenangozi okwamanje, kodwa uma ephindaphindwa ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, akha izindlela zokuxhumana ezinobuthi.

5. Imibono engenalo ulaka

Ukuncoma okubhalwe ngesandla esingenalutho njengokuthi “Wow, empeleni wenze okuthile okufanele namuhla” kubonisa indelelo engaphansi kobudlelwano. Lawa mazwi avame ukuvela entukuthelweni ecindezelwe kunokuba kube ukuxhumana okuqotho.

Izimpawu ezingezona ezomlomo

Amagama akuwona wodwa into ehlabayo. Ukudelela kuvame ukuvela ngaphandle komusho owodwa. Ulimi lomzimba luba yilona oluphethe incazelo, futhi ngokuvamile lulimaza kakhulu ngoba luzwakala lungokwemvelo futhi kunzima ukuphikisana nalo.

1. Ukuzigqaja ngemibono

Esinye sezibonakaliso zokudelela ezifundwa kakhulu emshadweni. Kubonisa ukuxoshwa, njengokungathi imicabango yomlingani wakho ayifanele ngisho nokuzibandakanya nayo.

2. Ukumomotheka ngesikhathi sengxabano

Lokho kumamatheka okuncane, okuvame ukunganakwa, kubonisa ukuthi uzizwa ungcono ebudlelwaneni. Kuthi, “Ngingaphezu kwalokhu.”

3. Izimpawu zokuxosha

Ukuphenduka, ukuhlola ifoni yakho, ukububula kakhulu, noma ukuvala ubuso bakho ngenkathi umlingani wakho ekhuluma konke lokhu kubonisa ukuhlukana ngokomzwelo.

4. Ukubukeka kobuso okudelelayo

Ukubukeka okucashile kokunengeka, amashiya aphakanyisiwe, noma ukumamatheka eceleni kungaveza okungaphezu kwalokho amazwi ahlabayo angakuveza.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izigaba Ezi-4 Zendawo Yempi Ebizwa Ngomshado

Izimpawu zengqondo

Izimpawu ezijulile zokwedelela emshadweni zingaphakathi. Zibumba indlela ocabanga ngayo ngomlingani wakho, ngokuvamile ngaphandle kokuthi uqaphele.

1. Ukuzizwa ungcono ebudlelwaneni 

Uqala ukukholelwa ukuthi unomthwalo wemfanelo, uhlakaniphe kakhulu, noma uqaphela kakhulu ngokomzwelo kunomlingani wakho. Lo mqondo ubhebhethekisa ukwedelela kanye nemikhuba yokubhidlika komshado.

2. Ukulahlekelwa yinhlonipho ebudlelwaneni 

Uyayeka ukumhlonipha umlingani wakho. Ngisho namandla akhe ayaphela. Ungase ube nobunzima bokukhumbula lokho owawukwazisa ngaye.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izici Eziyi-12 Zomshado Ophumelelayo

3. Ukuzizwa unengwa umlingani wakho 

Lokhu kudlula intukuthelo. Kuwukwenqatshwa okujulile ngokomzwelo, cishe njengokucasuka. Lokhu kuyimbangela yokudelela ngokomzwelo.

4. Ukucasuka okungapheli 

Izinto ezincane ziqala ukuzizwa zingabekezeleleki. Indlela abakhuluma ngayo, abadla ngayo, noma abasabela ngayo iqala ukukucasula ngendlela engalingani. Lokhu kuvame ukuba uphawu lokucasuka okungaxazululwanga.

5. Ukuntula uzwela 

Uphelelwa yindaba ngendlela umlingani wakho azizwa ngayo. Ukulwa kwabo kubonakala sengathi bazenzela bona, futhi imizwa yabo izwakala ingakhululekile kunokuba ibaluleke.

6. Ukuhoxa ngokomzwelo 

Uyahlola ngokomzwelo . Izingxoxo ziba yinto eyenzeka ngokuzenzakalelayo. Ukusondelana ngokomzimba kuyaphela. Ungase ube khona ngokomzimba, kodwa ngokomzwelo, ukude.

Yini Ebangela Ukudelela Emshadweni?

Ukudelela emshadweni akuvamile ukuqala ngesenzakalo esisodwa esikhulu. Kwakha kancane. Ukudumala okuncane, ukungaqondani okuphindaphindiwe, kanye nokulindela okungakhulunywanga kuqala ukunqwabelana. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, lokhu okuhlangenwe nakho kubumba indlela obona ngayo umlingani wakho. Lokho okwakuzwakala sengathi ukuxhumana kuqala ukuzwakala sengathi ukude. Nazi izimbangela ezivame kakhulu.

1. Intukuthelo engaxazululiwe

Uma omunye umlingani ezwa ukuthi woniwe noma ulinyazwe yinto ethile, kungaba enkulu noma encane, futhi engalokothi akhulume ngayo ngempela, leyo ntukuthelo iphenduka kancane kancane ibe ukwedelela. Isibonelo, uma unomuzwa wokuthi umlingani wakho uhlala enqaba izidingo zakho noma ekuthatha kalula , futhi ungakuxazululi, ukukhungatheka kuyakheka uze uqale ukuzibona ngendlela engeyinhle.

“Uma ungakhulumi nomlingani wakho ukuthi ucasulwe yi-XYZ, umlingani wakho uzoqhubeka nokwenza i-XYZ. Uzoqala ukumcasukela umlingani wakho ngokwenza i-XYZ ngoba ucasulwe yiyo….ekugcineni leyo ntukuthelo ikhula ibe yindelelo futhi awukwazi ukuhlukanisa umlingani wakho ne-XYZ”

- Umsebenzisi we-Reddit

2. Ukuzizwa ungaziswa

Uma uzizwa sengathi imizamo yakho ayiqashelwa noma ayibalulekile, ungase ube nomuzwa wokuthi ungcono kakhulu njengokuzivikela. Ngokufanayo, uma uyeka ukuqaphela izenzo noma izinhloso ezinhle zomlingani wakho, izindaba ezimbi ziyathatha indawo.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ngomshado Nokuphila Ngokuhlanganyela Okujabulisayo Nomlingani Wakho

3. Ukugxekwa okungapheli

Ukukhononda noma ukugxekwa njalo kungakhula kube ukwedelela. 

• Uma uvame ukugxeka imikhuba noma ubuntu bomlingani wakho, kubeka iphethini 
• Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, lokho okungase kuqale njengokukhononda kungaba ukuhlaselwa okudelelayo 

Ukugxekwa okungapheli kutshela umlingani wakho ukuthi akasoze ahlangabezana nezindinganiso zakho, okutshala imbewu yokudelela.

4. Ukunganakwa ngokomzwelo

Ukudelela kungangena kalula uma wena noma umlingani wakho nihoxa ngokomzwelo ngenxa yalokhu: 

• Ukucindezeleka
• Ukucindezeleka
• Noma nje ukuhlukana

Ukuntuleka kokusondelana nokuxhumana kwenza kube lula ukumehlisa isithunzi omunye umuntu. Uma ningabelani ngemizwa noma ningenzi omunye azizwe ebalulekile, niqala ukuthathana kalula. Lokhu kungashiya bobabili bezizwa bethukuthele noma benobutha ngokuhamba kwesikhathi.

5. Indaba engemihle ngomlingani

Ngezinye izikhathi ukudelela kuvela ekuzixoxeleni indaba ephambene ngomlingani wakho. Ungase uthi engqondweni yakho: 

• “Ngingukuphela komuntu onesibopho” 
• Noma “Benza konke okungalungile” 
• Noma “Ngenza wonke umsebenzi” 

Lokhu kuphambuka kwengqondo - futhi yebo, kumane nje kuphambuka - kondla ukudelela. Uma usubize oshade naye ngokuthi uvilapha, unobugovu, noma uyisiwula, kulula ukumphatha ngendlela efanele. 

6. Ukungalingani kwamandla

Uma omunye umlingani ehlala ezizwa engenamandla noma engazwakali, ukwedelela kungakheka njengendlela yokuthola kabusha umuzwa wamandla. Ngokuphambene nalokho, umuntu ophethe angase aqale ukubukela phansi omunye. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, ukucasuka ngenxa yombango wamandla kuphenduka ukwedelela.

Indlela Yokulungisa Ukudelela Emshadweni

Ukulungisa ukwedelela emshadweni akuwona umsebenzi osheshayo. Kudinga ukuqwashisa, ukwethembeka, kanye nokuzimisela ukushintsha amaphethini okungenzeka ukuthi abe khona iminyaka eminingi. Kodwa kungenzeka. Imibhangqwana eminingi isuka ekwedeleleni ngokomzwelo ibuyele ekuxhumaneni lapho ikhetha ngenkuthalo ukwakha kabusha inhlonipho. Nazi izinyathelo ezisiza ngempela.

1. Yakha isiko lokwazisa nenhlonipho

Qala ukuqaphela okuhle. Gxila ngamabomu ezimfanelweni ezinhle nasemizamweni yomlingani wakho. UGottman uphakamisa izikhathi ezincane zokubonga: 

• Ukubonga ngezinto ezincane
• Ukuvuma lapho besiza
• Futhi ukuveza njalo lokho okuncomayo ngabo
• Ukubhala okuncane amanothi othando noma ukuthumela imiyalezo enomusa

Umgomo uwukugcwalisa ubuhlobo bakho ngezinto ezinhle ezilwa nokudelela.

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2. Bhekana ngqo nentukuthelo

Ukudelela kuvame ukukhuthazwa yizikhalo ezifihliwe. Kubalulekile ukukhuluma ngalokho okukukhathazayo ngempela ngendlela ezolile. 

• Sebenzisa izitatimende ezithambile zokuqalisa ibhizinisi esikhundleni sokusola. Isibonelo, esikhundleni sokuthi “Awukaze ungilalele,” zama ukuthi, “Ngizizwa ngiphatheke kabi futhi ngingazwakali uma ngikhuluma futhi izinto engizikhathazayo zibonakala zinganakwa” 
• Gwema izinsolo "zakho", ezibangela ukuzivikela 

Lokhu kuvula ingxoxo esikhundleni sokulwa. Bobabili abalingani kufanele babe nethuba lokwabelana ngentukuthelo yabo futhi basebenzele ukuthola izixazululo, ngesineke nozwela.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izinto Eziyi-12 Abesifazane Abazenzayo Ezibhubhisa Imishado

3. Sebenzisa izitatimende ezithi “Mina”

Ngendlela efanayo, beka ukukhathazeka ngombono wakho. Ukuthi “Ngizizwa nginesizungu kakhulu uma singachithi isikhathi esihle ndawonye” kuyakha kakhulu kunokuthi “Awufuni neze ukuba nami.” Izinkulumo ezithi “Mina” zinciphisa ukusola futhi zibonise ukuthi uthatha ubunikazi bemizwa yakho. Le ndlela ilimaza kakhulu ingqondo yokudelela.

4. Yakha kabusha inhlonipho

Yenzani umzamo oqotho wokuphathana ngenhlonipho eyisisekelo eniqale ngayo. 

• Lalela ngokugcwele lapho oshade naye ekhuluma, ngisho noma ningavumelani 
• Gwema ukuphazamisa noma ukukhuluma ngazo 
• Khumbula ukunikeza ukuqinisekiswa ngokomzwelo

Ungase uthi ngokusobala, “Ngiyawuhlonipha umbono wakho, noma ngabe uhlukile kowami.” Ukukhumbula nokwabelana ngalokho owakuthanda ekuqaleni ngomlingani wakho kungavuselela uzwela.

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5. Funa ukwelashwa noma ukwelulekwa

Ngezinye izikhathi amaphethini okwedelela agxila kakhulu, ikakhulukazi uma ephinda izinkinga zomndeni noma zokuhlukumezeka. Umeluleki onekhono angakunikeza amathuluzi okuphula la maphethini. Umeluleki angakusiza futhi wakhe uzwela futhi akufundise amakhono aqondile okuxhumana ngaphandle kobutha. Ngamanye amazwi, ukwelashwa kunikeza indlela esekelwe ebufakazini yokwelapha ukwedelela.

6. Xolisa futhi uthethelele

Uma uke wabonisa indelelo, yiba ngeyenu. 

• Xolisa ngobuqotho ngamazwi abuhlungu noma izenzo zomzimba bese uchaza ukuthi usebenzela ekushintsheni
• Ngokufanayo, zama ukuthethelela ngeqiniso izikhathi zokwedelela zomlingani wakho lapho exolisa

Ukubambelela ekuthukweni kwesikhathi esidlule kumane nje kukhulise intukuthelo eyengeziwe.

Indlela Yokuvimbela Ukudelela Esikhathini Esizayo

Uma usuqedile ukudelela, uzofuna ukukuvimbela ukuthi kungabuyeli emuva. Ukuvimbela ukudelela kumayelana nokukhuthaza ubuqotho obuqhubekayo kanye nokulungisa. Nazi ezinye izindlela:

• Ukuhlolwa njalo ngokomzwelo: Yenza kube umkhuba ukubuzana, “Nizizwa kanjani ngathi muva nje?” noma “Ingabe kukhona okukukhathazayo?” Lokhu kuvimbela ukukhononda ukuthi kungasheshi
• Imikhuba yokwazisa: Beka imikhuba efana nokwabelana ngento eyodwa oyithandayo ngomlingani wakho nsuku zonke, noma ukumshiyela inothi lothando elifushane. Lezi zinto ezincane izimpawu zothando yakha isivikelo sentando enhle
• Amakhono okulungisa izingxabano: Funda ukulwa ngendlela efanele. Sebenzisa isikhathi sokuphumula uma izingxabano zishuba: vuma ukuma kancane bese ubuya ngemva kokupholisa
• Qhubeka uthandana futhi ujabule: Khumbulani ukuthi nakhethana ngezizathu ezinhle. Qhubekani nenza izinto enizijabulelayo nobabili, nihleke ndawonye, ​​futhi nibe nothando. Ukuzijabulisa nobungane kufaka imizwa emihle ebudlelwaneni benu
• Londoloza uzwela: Noma nini lapho ucasukile, yima kancane bese ucabanga ngalokho okungase kube ukucindezeleka komlingani wakho. Ingabe ukhathele, ukhathazekile ngomsebenzi, noma ubuhlungu? Ukucindezeleka endaweni ethile yokuphila ngezinye izikhathi kungadlulela kuye

Nini Ukufuna Usizo Lochwepheshe

Akuzona zonke izimo zokudelela emshadweni ezingalungiswa ngokuzazi nokuzikhandla kuphela. Ngezinye izikhathi, amaphethini ajule kakhulu, aphindaphindwa kakhulu, noma ashukumiseke kakhulu ngokomzwelo. Ezimweni ezinjalo, ukusekelwa kwangaphandle kuyadingeka ukuze kusindiswe umshado.

• Ukudelela kuyinto engapheli futhi kuyakhula: Uma ukuhleka okuncane sekuphenduke ukuhlaselwa okuvamile, noma izingxabano zihlala ziphela ngokuthuka
• Ukuhoxiswa kwemizwa: Uma oyedwa noma nobabili "niphumile" anisabelani ngemizwa, ucansi seluphelile, noma niphila njengabantu abahlala ndawonye
• Ukungahloniphi okuqhubekayo: Uma imingcele yeqiwe, isibonelo, ukubizwa ngamagama amabi, ukuhlazeka emphakathini) kanye nokuthembana kuphukile
• Uzizwa ungaphephile noma ucindezelekile: Ukudelela kungaholela ekuhlukunyezweni ngamazwi. Uma wena noma umlingani wakho nizizwa nisaba, nicindezelekile, noma nisongelwa ngokomzimba, tholani usizo ngokushesha
• Uzamile kodwa akukho okushintshayo: Uma wenze imizamo futhi ukwedelela kuqhubeka, uchwepheshe angakuqondisa ngempumelelo enkulu

Imibuzo Evame Ukubuzwa

Imicabango Final

Ukudelela emshadweni kuyinkinga enkulu, kodwa kungalungiswa. Cabanga uma ungafaka igama elithi “Ngingcono kunawe” esikhundleni salo elithi “Ngiyakukhathalela”. Izenzo ezincane zomusa zingaba namandla kakhulu kunezenzo ezinkulu. Khumbula, “okuphambene nokudelela akulona uthando – kuyinhlonipho.” Phatha umlingani wakho njengolingana nawe, futhi ungavimba ukudelela kungangeni. Kungathatha isikhathi nokwethembeka, kodwa ngomzamo wangempela, ungakha kabusha ubuhlobo obusekelwe enhloniphoni nasekuqondeni.

Kusebenza Kanjani Ukululekwa Ngomshado Ukuxazulula Izinkinga Zobudlelwano? 

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Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.