Indlela Yokuqeda Ubudlelwano Besikhathi Eside? 7 Amacebiso Awusizo

Indlela yokuqeda ubuhlobo besikhathi eside? Muva nje, umngane wami omkhulu wahlukana nesoka lakhe leminyaka engu-10. 'Ayeyimigomo emibili' kimi ngempela. Kodwa ngemva kokukhuluma naye, ngabona ukuthi abantu bayaphelelwa uthando, ngisho nangemva kweminyaka eyishumi bethandana. Ingabe ungomunye wabo? Ingabe ufuna umhlahlandlela wokuthi ungaphuma kanjani ebuhlotsheni besikhathi eside futhi unqamule ubudlelwano nomuntu obe yingxenye ebalulekile yokuphila kwakho kwansuku zonke kulokho okubonakala sengathi impilo yakho yonke? 

Ukukusiza ukuthi uthole ukuthi ungalibamba kanjani iculo lapho izimpilo zakho zisondelene kakhulu, sikhulume nomqeqeshi wokuphila kahle ngokomzwelo kanye nokucabanga. Pooja Priyamvada (egunyazwe ku-Psychological and Mental Health Usizo Lokuqala oluvela ku-Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health kanye ne-University of Sydney), ogxile ekwelulekeni kwabangaphandle komshado, ukuhlukana, ukuhlukana, usizi, nokulahlekelwa, ukubala okumbalwa.

Nini Ukuqeda Ubudlelwano 

Ukuphela kobudlelwano kungaba umcabango ongethuki, ikakhulukazi uma seninesikhathi eside nindawonye. Nokho, ngezinye izikhathi ukubambelela ebuhlotsheni ngenxa nje yokuthi kujwayelekile kungenza umonakalo omkhulu kunokuhle. Ngokubheka kude nezinkinga zakho, kungenzeka ukuthi ukhahlela ikani phansi komgwaqo. 

UPooja uthi, “Ukunqamula ubuhlobo ngokuvamile kuyisinqumo esiyinkimbinkimbi nesicatshangelwe kahle. Akuvamile ukuba abantu baqede ubuhlobo besikhathi eside ngokungananazi. Ngakho, ukukunikeza isikhathi esifanele ngokuvamile kuyisilinganiso esihle sokulinganisa ukunemba kwesinqumo sakho. Izizathu zingahlukahluka, kusukela ekuxhashazweni kuye kokuthile okujulile komuntu siqu, yingakho kunengqondo.”

Ungazi kanjani ukuthi ungabuqeda nini ubudlelwano? Ngokuka-Pooja, nanka amafulegi abomvu ashuthelwe ngokuqinile angasebenza njengezizathu zokuhlukana:

• Ukuhlukumeza nganoma iyiphi indlela
• Noma yibaphi ozakwethu abaphula ukwethembana nezinye izithembiso ezibalulekile zobudlelwano 
• Umehluko ongalungiseki

Ngakho-ke, uma ubulokhu ugwema izimpawu ezibomvu iminyaka manje, sithanda ukukukhumbuza ukuthi ukuqinisekiswa kwakho yikho kuphela okudingeka ukwazi ukuthi kungase kube isikhathi sokusuka ebudlelwaneni ngokunganaki ukuthi ninesikhathi esingakanani nindawonye. Wenza isinqumo esifanele uma:

• Izidingo zakho ezingokomzwelo/ zomzimba azihlangabezwa 
• Awukwazi ukuxhumana nomlingani wakho
• Ukwethenjwa/inhlonipho ayikho 
• Ubudlelwano buzizwa bunohlangothi olulodwa

Indlela Yokuqeda Ubudlelwano Besikhathi Eside? 7 Amathiphu Awusizo

Izifundo phawula ukuthi ukwehlukana kuhlotshaniswa nokucindezeleka kwengqondo okwandayo kanye nokuncipha kokwaneliseka empilweni. Imibhangqwana ehlukana ngemva kokukipita futhi inezinhlelo zomshado iba nokwehla okukhulu ekwanelisekeni kwempilo uma kuqhathaniswa nemibhangqwana eqale ukuphola muva nje. 

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U-Pooja uthi, "Ukutshalwa kwezimali ngokomzwelo kuvame ukuncipha ebudlelwaneni besikhashana yingakho kulula ukuphuma kubo. Ubudlelwano obufushane ngeke bube nomthelela omncane kwezinye izici zempilo yakho."

Yiba noma kunjalo, ukuqeda ubuhlobo ngemva kweminyaka yokuba ndawonye kuseyinto engenzeka ngempela. Indlela engcono kakhulu yokubhekana nakho ukuzilungiselela ngokwazi ukuthi ungaphuma kanjani ebudlelwaneni besikhathi eside. Impela, kusazoba buhlungu kakhulu futhi akukho ongakwenza ngalokho ngaphandle kokuthi ulungele ukudlula izigaba zosizi ngemva kokuhlukana. 

Kodwa-ke, ngokuyiphatha ngendlela efanele, unganciphisa izibazi ezingokomzwelo kuwe kanye nozakwenu ozoba-ex maduzane. Ungakhathazeki, sikhona ukuze sikusize kukho konke. Nanka amathiphu awusizo okuthi ungabuqeda kanjani ubudlelwano besikhathi eside:

1. Gwema amaphutha ajwayelekile ekuqedeni ubudlelwano besikhathi eside

U-Pooja unikeza uhlu oluwusizo lwe amaphutha okufanele UGWEME ukuwenza lapho eqeda ubudlelwano ngemva kweminyaka:

• Ungaxhamazeli isinqumo
• Ungavumeli imibono yabanye abantu ngawe, umlingani wakho, noma ubudlelwano bakho ibe nomthelela kulesi sinqumo
• Ningahlukani ngenjongo yokuziphindiselela noma ngenxa yokucasuka
• Ungabuqedi ubudlelwano ukuze ujezise umlingani wakho

2. Hlukanani mathupha

Amakhasimende amaningi abuza u-Pooja, "Ngizizwa ngifuna ukupakisha izikhwama zami futhi ngiphume nginganakiwe. Ingabe indlela ekahle yokushiya umlingani wesikhathi eside?" U-Pooja uyeluleka, "Leyo ngeke kube inketho enhle ngaphandle uma kunobungozi empilweni nasekuphepheni kwakho. Uzakwethu ufanelwe ukwazi futhi abuze imibuzo yakhe ngalokhu kuvalwa." Ukwelula umlingani wakho inhlonipho yengxoxo ngelinye lamathiphu abaluleke kakhulu kukho kanjani ukuhlukana ebudlelwaneni besikhathi eside.

Ngokuvumelana ne ucwaningo, indlela ekahle yokuhlukana iwukukwenza mathupha (kodwa hhayi esidlangalaleni). U-Pooja uyasikisela, "Kufanele kube ingxoxo eqotho, esobala, futhi ezolile mathupha. Ucingo/umbhalo ngeke ufaneleke, inqobo nje uma bobabili abantu benobuntu futhi bephephile komunye nomunye."

NgokukaPooja, “ukwethembeka ngomusa” lapho uqala ukuhlukana kusho:

• Awukho umdlalo wokusola
• Yisho amaqiniso aqotho, ngaphandle kokuthuka umlingani wakho
• Lawula imizwa yakho ngokugcwele
• Beka imingcele ecacile yemizwa
• Ungakhulumi kakhulu ngesikhathi esedlule kodwa isimo manje
• Khuluma ngendlela eya phambili

3. Sebenzisa amagama afanele 

Iseluleko esilula kodwa esisebenzayo sendlela yokuhlukana nobuhlobo besikhathi eside ukukhetha amagama akho kahle. Yisho ngokucacile izizathu zakho zokuhlukana. Batshele ukuthi yini engakusebenzeli kahle. Nazi ezinye izibonelo ongazenza ukuqeda ubuhlobo ngokuvumelana:

• “Ngesikhathi ungikhohlisa, konke kwehle”
• “Silwa kakhulu futhi kulimaza impilo yami yengqondo”
• “Ubudlelwano bebanga elide buyaqeda amandla. Ngikhumbula ukusondelana ngokomzimba”

Xolisa, uma kufanele. Ukuphela kobudlelwano kufanele kube nomusa. Ungasho okuthile ngokulandela imigqa:

• "Ngiyaxolisa uma lokhu kubuhlungu"
• “Ngiyazi ukuthi kunzima ukuzwa lokhu”
• “Ngiyazi ukuthi bekungeyona indlela obufuna kube ngayo lena”

Indlela yokuqeda ubuhlobo besikhathi eside? Bafisele okuhle. Ungasebenzisa omunye wemisho elandelayo:

• “Ngiyohlala ngijabula ukukwazi”
• "Uzohamba kahle"
• “Izinkumbulo esazenza zizohlala ziseduze nenhliziyo yami”

4. Yizwa uhlangothi lwabo endabeni

Ngokuvumelana ne izifundo, abesifazane bavame ukuba nokusabela okubi kakhulu ekuhlukaneni kunamadoda. Kungakhathaliseki ubulili babo, umlingani wakho ngokusobala uzozizwa ethukuthele futhi elimele. Bangase baqale ukukhala noma baze bakunxuse ukuba ucabange kabusha ngesinqumo sakho. Banikeze indawo ephephile yokuzwa yonke imizwa yabo. Usanda kubashaya ngokuduma kwezulu. Ungalindeli ukuthi bazokwamukela kahle, ngaso leso sikhathi. 

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U-Pooja uphakamisa uhlu lwemibuzo okufanele uyilungiselele:

• “Kwenzekeni?”
• “Ubungeke yini uzame okunye?”
• “Yonke leyo minyaka sindawonye, ​​ubungeke yini ukubamba isikhashana nje?”
• "Ngingaphila kanjani ngaphandle kwakho?"
• “Bekuyiphutha likabani?”

5. Thola izinto zokuhamba

Impendulo yokuthi uphuma kanjani ebudlelwaneni besikhathi eside iyahluka ebuhlotsheni obubodwa. Kwenziwa kanjani hlukana nomlingani wakho uma nihlala ndawonye? Lezi yizinto ezilandelayo okufanele uxoxe ngazo, ngokusho kukaPooja:

• Ezezimali 
• Ukuhlukaniswa kwezikweletu/imalimboleko evamile 
• Ubani ozophuma futhi ubani ozohlala 
• Izinqumo mayelana nezilwane ezifuywayo, izingane, nezitshalo uma zikhona 

Ngokufanayo, endabeni yokuthi kunezingane ezihilelekile, uPooja uyeluleka, “Bobabili abazali kudingeka baqhubeke bezenzela izingane zabo.

6. Thola ukwesekwa 

U-Pooja uyagcizelela, "Ukuhlukana ngokuyisisekelo kuwukulahlekelwa ubudlelwano futhi ngenxa yalokho kuhilela umuzwa wosizi. Kungase futhi kubangele ukukhathazeka kanye/noma ukucindezeleka. Ukwelashwa nokwelulekwa kuhlala kunenzuzo lapho ubhekene nale mizwa enamandla."

Ngakho-ke, thola umelaphi ofanelana nawe. Uchwepheshe onelayisensi uzokunikeza izivivinyo ze-CBT futhi akusize ushintshe amaphethini akho okucabanga angenampilo. Uma unenkinga yokuthola ukuthi ungabuqeda kanjani ubudlelwano besikhathi eside noma uhlushwa yingcindezi yokuthi usanda kuphuma koyedwa futhi ufuna usizo, abeluleki abavela kuphaneli yeBonobology zilapha kuwe.

7. Zulazula inqubo yokuphulukisa

Yebo, kungokwemvelo ukuzizwa unecala elikhulu ngemva kokuqeda ubuhlobo obuthatha iminyaka. Kodwa, khumbula ukuthi ungumuntu futhi unelungelo lokubeka phambili injabulo yakho. Eqinisweni, ukuqeda ubuhlobo besikhathi eside akuyona into engavamile njengoba ungase ucabange. Empeleni, ucwaningo olwenziwe yi-YouGov bathole ukuthi ama-64% abantu baseMelika baye badlula okungenani ukuhlukana kobudlelwane besikhathi eside. 

UPooja uyavuma, “Ngawunqamula umshado wami weminyaka engu-13 neminyaka engu-7 sithandana naye. 

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Nokho, ngenxa yokuthi akuvamile akusho ukuthi kuzoba uhambo lokuhamba ngezinyawo epaki. Kusadingeka ulungele ukubhekana nemiphumela yalokhu kulahlekelwa okukhulu, ngisho noma kunguwe odonsa ipulaki. Nazi ezinye izindlela ongazulazula ngazo ngempumelelo inqubo yokuphulukisa: 

• Ncika kwabathandekayo bakho ukuze uthole ukwesekwa ngemva kokuhlukana
• Landela umthetho wokungathintani
• Gxilisa ukufunda njengomkhuba
• Zivocavoce ukuze ukhulule ama-endorphin
• Hydrate futhi udle okunempilo
• Hamba futhi uhlole izindawo ezintsha
• Landela inqubo yokunakekela isikhumba
• Thenga ithoyizi locansi/hlola umzimba wakho

Ekugcineni, uma ubuhlobo buphela, awumane ulahlekelwe umuntu, ulahlekelwa ingxenye yakho. Kodwa ungakhathazeki, ubuhlungu obuvela ngemva kokuqeda ubuhlobo besikhathi eside abuhlali unomphela. Ngokuvumelana ne ucwaningo, labo abahlukana nabalingani babo babonise ukwehla kokulawula kwabo okucatshangwayo onyakeni wokuqala ngemva kokuhlukana. Kodwa “ukukhula okuhlobene nokucindezeleka” ekugcineni kwawuqinisa umuzwa wabo wokulawula.

Ngakho, ungalilahli ithemba. Lobu bunzima buzokwenza uqine. UDkt. Seuss udume ngokuthi, “Ungakhali ngoba kuphelile. Mamatheka ngoba sekwenzekile.”

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