Relationships are complicated. There are so many twists and turns, that maintaining a relationship can be quite daunting. So to help all you ladies out there, here are some pearls of new relationship advice for ladies to create and maintain a relationship, brought to you by a man.
16 Pearls Of Relationship Advice For Ladies By A Man
If men find it hard to fathom a woman’s mind women often find it equally hard to understand men. It’s because of this gap in understanding that relationships often hit the choppy waters.
1. Learn to be bored
A new relationship starts off with a lot of excitement but eventually, wears off. After spending enough time together, you will eventually reach a point where you have nothing new to talk about. When this happens, it is the first test of a relationship. It is extremely important to learn how to be bored together, without expecting the other person to entertain you. Learning to be bored can actually be said to be a foundation of a good relationship.
Your man could lie on the couch all day and do nothing and be perfectly happy. If you can take up the couch opposite him then you have discovered the virtues of boredom.
2. Important new relationship advice for ladies- fight but fight respectfully
Everyone fights. Friends, siblings, spouses, lovers, etc. A healthy relationship will always have fights, some of which are vert common amongst couples. If you are not fighting, one of you is sacrificing their wellbeing for the other. While this avoids a bunch of small fights in the short run, it leads to one enormous fight later down the line which is even more difficult to get over. It is important to learn how to fight respectfully, by addressing the problem and figuring out a solution together, rather than just blaming your partner and expecting them to fix it. And no violence, I shouldn’t have to say this, but I have seen arguments get very violent.
Related Reading: The First Fight In A Relationship – What To Expect
3. Don’t nag
If you ask a bunch of men why they broke up with their girlfriends, one of the most common answers you will get is that she used to nag too much. Now what is nagging? Is calling your partner out on their faults or shortcoming nagging? No it isn’t. Let me explain the difference with an analogy. Let us say you come home after a long day of work, you are tired and irritable. You walk in and see that the dishes are not clean yet even though you told your partner to clean them five times already today. In this example nagging would sound like “Why did you not clean the dishes, I have told you this so many times already and yet you never listen. What is wrong with you?”
A less aggressive way to say that would be, “I’m pretty tired when I get back from work and seeing dirty dishes annoys me further. Could you please clean up after yourself next time?” Both of these statements send the same message, yet the first statement is what nagging sounds like.
4. Learn to be alone
In a relationship, it is quite normal to need space from your partner. After all, you are two separate people with two separate lives and hobbies. Trying to stay around each other all the time can start to feel like a chore after a few months of dating. Take some time apart from one another, learn to be happy when you’re by yourself and you will see that you are not in a relationship because you are afraid of being alone.
5. Learn to compromise
You have probably heard this statement from a very young age. Adults tell you that it is important to share and to compromise. Now this is true, but I am willing to bet that no one has actually told you what a compromise is. Right now, I know what you are thinking. You believe that a compromise is 50/50 or some other statistic where both of you get something. That is not compromise, that’s ensuring that neither of you truly enjoy yourself. The true meaning of compromise is: “Today we are going to do something you like, even though I detest the idea.
Tomorrow though, that changes.”
Related Reading: 12 things you should never compromise on in a relationship
6. Remember that no one is perfect
No one is perfect. You are not perfect, your partner is not perfect, your parents aren’t perfect and your puppy isn’t perfect either. A huge mistake that many people make in a new relationship is to hold their partner to a really high standard. That is just ridiculous.
They will make mistakes, you will make mistakes. It is important to learn how to forgive each other and to help each other improve.
Getting angry with their behavior is not their fault, they have always been like this, and it was you who set unrealistically high standards. Remember that neither you nor your partner is perfect.
Making a relationship work is not about finding the perfect one. It is about finding someone who is willing to put in the effort to make your life better.
7. Appreciate the small things
Probably the most important relationship advice for women. Learn to appreciate the little things that your partner does for you. Taking you out for dinner or showering you with gifts can be nice, but that is not what makes a relationship strong.
Pay attention to the small things they keep doing. Does he always keep the house clean? Does he do all the grocery shopping? It is small things like this that you need to pay attention to. Remember, he is not doing any of this because it is his job or responsibility to do so, he is doing it because he loves you and wants to make your day easier. Show your appreciation for things like this and he will be grateful for it.
Related Reading: Dear ladies, here’s what men want from you in a relationship!
8. Assume responsibility
Few things are more despicable to a guy than a girl who just cannot or will not assume responsibility for her actions and behaves selfishly. There is always someone else to blame or some external reason for why something bad happened that just is not the woman’s fault.
So here is some new relationship advice for you ladies. Assume responsibility for your actions. If you mess up, own up to your mistake. Do not try to make excuses or blame someone else. A man cannot trust you if you refuse to believe that you can do anything wrong. Remember that it is okay to make mistakes, as long as you learn from them and work to better yourself.
9. Love is not all you need
Movies, books and music have indoctrinated young people to believe that love is all that matters. Here is some important new relationship advice for ladies – all of you out there. Love is not the end all, be all. A relationship that just has love is doomed to fail. What you need is respect, trust and understanding and similar core values. You need someone who you can build your life with, someone who is responsible and doesn’t make a lot of impulsive decisions. If all you have is love and nothing else, not only will the relationship fail, you will watch it burn down around you with no idea of how to fix it.
10. Stop using an ex as a benchmark
It’s amazing how often this happens. And by amazing, I mean terrifying. Your current boyfriend is not your ex, they will not behave like your ex nor will they treat you in the same way your ex treated you. So here is some advice for the ladies, stop comparing your boyfriend to your ex. Ex-issues need to be put at rest.
Seriously, nothing good can come out of it. Eventually, you will hit a point where your boyfriend will just not care about the relationship anymore as he will believe that you are still in love with your ex.
11. Maintain relations with his friends and family
When you date a guy, you are not just entering into a relationship with him. You are also entering a relationship with his friends and family. Some advice for all the ladies would be to accept this fact and not try to change it. Make the effort to be friendly to his friends and family.
A common mistake that a lot of women make is that they make the guy choose between her and his friends. This is a horrible idea. Chances are, he has been friends with his best friend for a lot longer than he has even known of your existence. If you do make him choose, he may not choose you. If he does choose you, he will always blame you for breaking up his friendships and that does not make for a lasting relationship.
Related Reading: When I had to choose between my friend and my love
12. Don’t keep score
A common mistake that couples make, new and old. This manifest whenever there is an argument. One or both of you will start to bring up all the shortcoming of the past. This is not helpful. My new relationship advice to you ladies out there is to stop keeping score. Do not bring up the shortcoming of the past, focus on the problem you are currently having instead. It is one of those vices that kill romance in a relationship.
As soon as you start pointing fingers, he will do the same and both of you will start arguing about everything under the sun with no resolution to any of it. If this happens enough times, the relationship will end.
13. Don’t expect them to change
Here is a story everyone is familiar with. One of your friends broke up with her boyfriend because he refused to change. It is a very common story and you have likely experienced this happening yourself. So here is the mistake they made. They expected their boyfriend to change who they are. People do not change, they may forgo some of their vices but that does not change who they are. So here is some advice for the ladies, expect to date the person that is being advertised to you, flaws and all.
If you get into a relationship expecting them to change after a while, not only will you be disappointed, but you have just wasted your time and his.
14. The spark fades
Most people either don’t believe this is possible or that it will not happen to them. At times like these it is important to know that you are not really that special. Eventually, “The spark“ or the feeling of butterflies will disappear. It is from this day on you will realize that to make a relationship work takes more than just attraction.
15. Be prepared to work for the relationship
Hopefully by now, a certain theme is popping out to you. Relationships are not always roses and wine. It is also sometimes thorns and even more thorns. If you are not ready or able to work at maintaining a relationship, you should not be in one.
Maintaining a relationship is probably one of the hardest things you will have to do in your life. Be prepared to put in the work, or the relationship will fail. A man will put in his 100 per cent only if he sees you are willing to do the same.
16. Steele yourself
This is not just relationship advice but also advice for life in general. Steele yourself. The more time you spend with your partner, the more likely you are to see some disgusting and trying things. That is just how life works. You will see them when they are sick, you will see an ugly side to them that they try to keep in check, you will see anger and hatred. You will see all these things so prepare yourself for it. No matter what you do, you will not be able to avoid seeing such things. And men sometimes do have ghastly habits ranging from eating dinner in bed to not washing underclothes regularly. So be prepared to face such situations as they come along.
Hopefully by now, you would have learned a few things to creating and maintaining a healthy relationship. Remember, if you follow this relationship advice for ladies, you have a much higher chance of creating a long lasting, fruitful relationship with a man.