The first fight in a relationship happens once the honeymoon period starts to wear off and they it can be quite a painful experience. Both you and your partner are so emotionally connected and the first fight brings in loads of tears and hurt.
It is the first time when the bubble of those high expectations you had from your partner begins to burst. The first argument in a relationship followed by the first fight is always emotionally challenging. Especially since the relationship is still new and your partner and you are still working on your foundation. But arguments are healthy.
But there’s nothing like the realization after your first fight in a relationship. You both will realize how much you both love each other and it will be the first time you will both learn to think about each other when things turn sour.
When do couples have their first fight? If it happens before the 5th date then it can be a bit alarming but a fight is kind of inevitable if you are dating for say around three months.
How Does A Relationship Change After The First Fight?
It can never be all roses in a relationship. A couple will ultimately disagree and it will inevitably lead to that first argument in a relationship that you may not have been prepared for. But know that arguments will happen, sometimes giving way to fights. But think of it this way — the first fight in a relationship determines how strong your foundation is. Confused? Allow us to shed some light on the same.
After your first fight with your boyfriend he might hand you a box of chocolates to cool you down and you might forget why you were fighting in the first place. It’s all about how you choose to come together after it. Surviving the first fight in a relationship is all about priorities, compromise and finally, forgiveness in a relationship.
Fighting in the early stages of your relationship can actually make your bond even stronger although the first fight while dating might not be very pleasant. It may not seem like it and you might actually be on the edge of your seat wondering if this relationship is even going to move forward. But your first fight with girlfriend does not determine your lack of love for each other.
It is important to talk to your partner to work things out and arrive at a decent conclusion. Keep your relationship the priority while solving a fight and understand your partner’s needs well. Moreover, the sex after your first fight while dating is guaranteed to be mind blowing.
Hate the fight, not the person. Resolve conflicts as quickly as you can. While all this is good advice, it is imperative to say that the first fight in a relationship does change its dynamics a little bit. So, how does a relationship change after the first fight? Let’s find out.
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1. You learn to compromise from your first fight while dating
The first big fight in your relationship teaches you a lot more than you thought you would. When you both are enjoying your honeymoon period, the adrenaline rush and all those butterflies in your stomach don’t let you think about the things that can go wrong in the relationship. ‘Our first fight’ is something you do not even see coming.
All you both think about is how much in love you both are. But when the first fight in a relationship makes its appearance, you learn to think about each other’s feelings and get to know how your partner reacts in tough situations. It shows you a new side to them and maybe you even learn of a new side about yourself.
You learn to put your partner’s needs above yours and learn one of the most important lessons of a relationship which is compromise. But there are things you do compromise on and there are things you don’t compromise on, no matter how many fights you have. You learn this along the way too.
2. You overcome your fears
When you are in a new relationship, there is always the fear of the future. Your head is filled with questions related to whether your partner will be able to handle your temper or whether he will be able to handle you when you both start fighting.
You keep on wondering if you are in a relationship with the right person. Compatibility is a huge factor in a relationship. When your first fight takes place, you observe how your partner handles the situations and more importantly, handles you as well. All your fears related to whether your partner will be able to take care of you when things don’t go well, will slowly start to vanish.
When we asked Lorraine about the first fight she had with her boyfriend Ben, she told us, “Six months into the relationship and no fights, I thought we were doing really great. But after our first fight I realized that there is still so much we need to learn about each other! It brought out a different dimension of our feelings and how to deal with the same.”
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3. You learn to respect each other’s boundaries
In a new relationship, you are both still in the process of getting to know each other. Many a time you may overstep and cross your partner’s lines and forget about the healthy relationship boundaries that you must maintain. What you may have thought to be a joke could quite possibly have been an insult for your partner, escalating to an “Oh no! We had our first fight” situation very quickly.
You unintentionally hurt or offended your partner and now don’t know what to do. When fights like these take place, you learn more about your partner’s boundaries, what aggravates them and then start respecting them more. It is important to talk to your partner regarding what they consider okay and what they consider rude to make better decisions in the future.
4. Your foundation gets stronger after your first argument in a relationship
Your first fight is also the test of your foundation. You learn to survive the first big argument together. Through your first fight, you get to know how strong your relationship is. When do fights start in a relationship? There’s no clear answer to that. Perhaps after the dewy-eyed, lovey-dovey period is over, where all you do is feel infatuated with the other person. But once that has passed, you start thinking about deeper things.
It is through fights like these that you get to know your partner at a more concrete and emotional level. You both talk to each other emotionally and connect with each other through the pain. The first fight makes you both emotionally stronger and you get to understand one another better. Your foundation grows stronger as you start understanding and uncovering newer layers of one other.
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5. You get to know each other
The first few months of the relationship are about impressing and wooing your partner. At this point, maybe you still don’t feel comfortable enough to reveal the “real you” in front of your partner. But things change after your first fight with girlfriend.
The first fight unveils the real you and you get to know whether your partner likes this version of you. During the first fight, you get to understand so many things about your partner. So if you are arguing early in a relationship, do not fret! This is in fact a massive excuse to peel those layers and discover what’s underneath.
You learn about the things that hurt your partner, how your partner feels about you and the relationship, and also get to know their fears. This helps you to understand your partner’s feelings which will undoubtedly stand you in good stead in the future.
6. You grow together
“After we had our first fight, I immediately felt so mature and grown up in a relationship. Before that, I felt like we were just two love-struck teens going on adventures. But the first argument in a relationship really teaches you that there is so much more to being together when you are with somebody in a serious relationship“, said Amelia when we asked her what she learnt after her first big fight with Michael.
Your first fight teaches you to think about each other first and keep the sanctity of your relationship above all. You realize that this is no more about two separate individuals, but about the “us” factor. This is the growth and maturity that Amelia referred to.
You both realize the importance of ‘us’. This makes the two of you work on your relationship together as a couple and you both grow together and come out stronger. Through your differences and arguments you build on intellectual intimacy. That tells you how strong, vulnerable and supportive you are to each other in the relationship.
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What Can You Do After The First Fight?
The first fight while dating is always the most memorable one. It is the fight that sets the foundation for all other fights to come. If you don’t handle this well, this fight will also be used as a reference when things turn sour between your partner and you.
It is important to communicate with your partner when you have your first fight rather than giving in to ego clashes. Even if you are arguing early in a relationship, these ego clashes will just make things worse and weaken the foundation of your relationship. So, what to do after the first fight with your boyfriend?
1. Don’t wait too long to make up
How long should a fight last in a relationship? The answer lies in how fast you can resolve it, especially if you are fighting in the early stages of a relationship.
You may feel tempted to give your partner the silent treatment, hoping to make them realize their mistake this way. But the truth is that the longer you take to makeup, the higher the chances for negative feelings to rapidly multiply in your heads.
When we are angry with someone, all we think about are the negative aspects of the relationship. These negative thoughts just keep on increasing if you don’t start talking to your partner to make up. Don’t wait too long to make up or else it will become even more difficult to resolve the matter.
2. Show compassion
You need to be compassionate towards your partner. No matter whose fault it is, you need to remember that your partner is equally hurt because of the first fight.
Instead of playing the blame game, you need to show compassion towards your partner and understand his/her feelings.
Showing compassion will make your partner realize that you care about their feelings and at the end of the day, both of you will end up saying sorry to each other.
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3. Calm yourself first
You need to first calm down before talking to your partner. In an angry state, we often start saying things which we don’t mean. Your first fight with girlfriend might make you inadvertently reveal an ugly side of yourself and it is important that you tame it.
Otherwise, this leads to even more hurtful words being exchanged between you and your partner. Hence, it is important to not let your anger do the talking and to calm yourself.
Only when you are calm and collected, will you be able to see the real problem of the fight and resolve it.
4. Communication is the key
Your first fight doesn’t need to end up with your partner and you sleeping in different rooms. You need to communicate with your boyfriend/girlfriend.
Talk to your partner and try to calm them down. Once they calm down, you can both talk to each other about what has hurt you the most. In a calmed state, you will both be able to tell each other your perspective and talk about the issue in a healthier manner.
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5. After your first fight, work things out together
It is important to think about your relationship rather than having ego clashes. You both need to sit together and identify the triggers that caused your first fight. It will help you in understanding each other and avoiding the same in future.
Think of a mutually acceptable solution and end the fight with a hug. Hugs are magical. The first fight isn’t about winning or losing, it is about how much you both value your relationship and are ready to work for it.
6. Learn to forgive after the first argument in a relationship
It is important for you both to forgive each other. Just saying “Sorry” and not meaning it will lead to yet another fight. Learn to forgive each other for the mistakes made and move on from them. Forgiveness will help in lifting the burden from your heart and you will be able to focus more on your partner and the relationship.
The first fight at times feels as painful as dealing with a heartbreak or a breakup. It is because you start feeling these negative emotions that your fears related to the relationship come to light.
The truth is that the first fight with your boyfriend is a positive thing. You can ask, “What did we learn from our first fight?” Well, you got to know your partner better and it made you realize how much you love your partner. It is like a wake-up call where things are getting real and you both start working on your relationship.
Don’t fear your first fight, since after you both resolve it, you both will end up laughing about how it happened after a few years. Take it as a positive step toward making your relationship stronger!
If you are fighting before your 5th date then it is a bit alarming. Even before you know each other you are in an argument. But once you have started dating, you are exclusive or committed, the first fight can come within a few months time.
Don’t lose your cool, don’t get into an ugly fight or a slanging match. Treat it as an inevitable argument and try to come to a compromise keeping your egos aside.
Yes the first year of a relationship is tough. Even in a marriage most problems crop up in the first year. You get to know each other well. From trying to impress each other you move onto dropping your guard and becoming more vulnerable.
Three months is a healthy time period to know each other before the first big fight. Usually couples avoid conflict before that. But if you are already fighting it could be a red flag and a relationship deal-breaker.