As the honeymoon period wears off, the first fight in a relationship comes in. First fights are always the most painstaking ones. Both you and your partner are so emotionally connected and the first fight brings in loads of tears and longing. It is the first time when the bubble of those high expectations you had from your partner begins to burst. The first argument and the first fight is always emotionally challenging as the relationship is still new and your partner and you are still working on your foundation. But there’s nothing like the realization after your first fight in a relationship. You both will realize how much you both love each other and it will be the first time you both will learn to think about each other when things turn sour.
How Does A Relationship Change After The First Fight?
It can never be all roses in a relationship. A couple will ultimately disagree. Arguments will happen, sometimes giving way to fights. The first fight in a relationship determines how strong your foundation is. Surviving the first fight in a relationship is all about priorities and compromise. It is important to talk to your partner to work things out. Keep your relationship the priority while solving a fight. Hate the fight, not the person. While all this is good advice, it is imperative to say that the first fight in a relationship does change its dynamics a little bit. So, how does a relationship change after the first fight? Let’s find out.
1. You learn to compromise
When you both are enjoying your honeymoon period, the adrenaline rush and all those butterflies in your stomach don’t let you think about the things that can go wrong in the relationship. All you both think about is how much in love you both are. When the first fight in a relationship kicks in, you learn to think about each other’s feelings and get to know how your partner reacts in tough situations. You learn to put your partner’s needs above yours and learn one of the most important lessons of a relationship – Compromise.
Related reading: 12 things you should never compromise on in a relationship
2. You overcome your fears
When you are in a new relationship, there is always the fear of the future. Your head is filled with questions related to whether your partner will be able to handle your temper or whether he will be able to handle you when you both start fighting. You keep on wondering if you are in a relationship with the right person. Compatibility is a huge factor in a relationship. When your first fight takes place, you observe how your partner handles the situations and more importantly, handles you. All your fears related to whether your partner will be able to take care of you when things don’t go well will slowly start to vanish.
3. You learn to respect each other’s boundaries
In a new relationship, you both are still in the process of getting to know each other. Many a times you may overstep and cross your partner’s boundaries. What you may have thought to be a joke may have been an insult for your partner. You unintentionally hurt or offend your partner. When fights like these take place, you learn your partner’s boundaries and start respecting them. It is important to talk to your partner regarding their boundaries so that you don’t repeat the same mistake again.
Related reading: 22 Tips to Survive the First Year of Marriage
4. Your foundation gets stronger
Your first fight is also the test of your foundation. Through your first fight you get to know how strong your relationship is. It is through such fights that you get to know your partner at a deeper and more emotional level. You both talk to each other emotionally and connect with each other through pain. The first fight makes you both emotionally stronger and you get to understand each other better. Your foundation gets stronger as you bond at an emotional level.
5. You get to know each other
The first few months of the relationship are about love and impressing your partner. You still don’t feel comfortable enough to reveal the “real you” in front of your partner. The first fight unveils the real you and you get to know whether your partner likes this version of you. During the first fight you get to understand so many things about your partner. You learn the things that hurt your partner, how your partner feels about you and the relationship and also get to know what fears your partner has. This helps you to understand your partner’s feelings.
6. You grow together
Your first fight teaches you to think about each other first and keep your relationship above all. You realize that this is no more about two individuals but about the “us” factor. You both realize the importance of us. This makes the two of you work on your relationship together as a couple and you both grow together and come out stronger.
Related reading: 8 Ways to Reconnect After a Big Fight
What Can You Do After The First Fight?
The first fight while dating is always the most memorable one. It is the fight that sets the foundation for all other fights to come. If you don’t handle this well, this fight will also be used as a reference when things turn sour between your partner and you. It is important to communicate with your partner when you have your first fight rather than having ego clashes. Ego clashes will just make things worse and weaken the foundation of your relationship. So, what to do after the first fight with your boyfriend?
1. Don’t wait too long to make up
How long should a fight last in a relationship? The answer lies in how fast you can resolve it. You may feel tempted to give your partner the silent treatment, and make them realize their mistake. But the truth is that the longer you take to make up, higher are the chances for negative feelings to multiply in your heads. When we are angry with someone, all we think about are the negative aspects of the relationship. These negative thoughts just keep on increasing if you don’t start talking to your partner to make up. Don’t wait too long to make up or else it will become even more difficult to resolve the matter.
Related reading: Why Do Fights Become More Important Than Relationships?
2. Show compassion
You need to be compassionate towards your partner. No matter whose fault it is, you need to remember that your partner is equally hurt because of the first fight. Instead of playing the blame game, you need to show compassion towards your partner and understand his/her feelings. Showing compassion will make your partner realize that you care about their feelings and at the end you both will end up saying sorry to each other.
3. Calm yourself first
You need to first calm yourself before talking to your partner. In an angry state we often start saying things which we don’t mean. This leads to even more hurtful words being exchanged between you and your partner. Hence, it is important to not let your anger do the talking and calm yourself down.
Only when you calm yourself, you will be able to see the real problem of the fight and be able to resolve it.
4. Communication is the key
Your first fight doesn’t need to end up with your partner and you sleeping in different rooms. You need to communicate with your boyfriend/girlfriend. Talk to your partner and try to calm them down. Once they calm down, you both can talk to each other about what has hurt you the most. In a calmed state, you both can tell each other your perspective and talk about the issue in a healthier way.
Related reading: How sleeping in separate bedrooms made them a better couple
5. After your first fight, work things out together
It is important to think about your relationship rather than having ego clashes. You both need to sit together and identify the triggers that caused your first fight. It will help you in understanding each other and avoiding the same in future.
Think of a mutually acceptable solution and end the fight with a hug. Hugs are magical. The first fight isn’t about winning or losing, it is about how much you both value your relationship and are ready to work for it.
6. Learn to forgive
It is important for you both to forgive each other. Just saying sorry and not meaning it will lead to just yet another fight. Learn to forgive each other for their mistakes. Forgiveness will help in lifting the burden from your heart and you will be able to focus more on your partner and the relationship.
The first fight at times feels as painful as a break up. It is because you start feeling these negative emotions and your fears related to the relationship come to light. The truth is that a first fight with your boyfriend is a positive thing. You get to know your partner better and it makes you realize how much you love your partner. It is like a wake-up call that things are getting real and you both start working on your relationship.
Don’t fear your first fight as after you both resolve it, you both will end up laughing about how it happened after a few years. Take it as a positive sign.