having a Selfish Girlfriend
There has been enough talk about male toxicity and their selfishness. Let’s now look at the signs of a selfish girlfriend. When a person is worried about spending their money but very concerned about their share, when a person doesn’t care who they hurt on their path to achieving something, when someone puts their needs before the needs of many, then they are definitely selfish.
We meet these people in every sphere of life. As they say, there is one in every crowd. We are fooled by them, we avoid them, but nobody can truly claim that they have not suffered at the hands of a selfish person or been one themselves in certain cases. It is true even in the case of romantic partners, be it a selfish girlfriend or selfish boyfriend. In fact, it is not rare to have a selfish husband by your side too!
However, today we’re taking a look at the signs of a selfish woman in a relationship and how to deal with a selfish girlfriend. Let’s get right into it before you lose your mind over always giving in to her wants.
12 Signs You Have A Selfish Girlfriend
A relationship calls for compromise and adjustments. A happy relationship is built on components of love, trust, and care at many levels. And then you have this feeling that your girlfriend really does not care about all this – because she seems capable of only caring about herself.
Having a selfish girlfriend is a deal-breaker for most men. Perhaps you feel that your girlfriend is always manipulating you into doing what she wants. Or maybe you feel she is never willing to compromise an iota of her comfort for you. Whatever the case, you’re bound to feel neglected in your relationship.
When you want to determine whether you’ve got yourself a selfish girlfriend or not, you need to look at the following pointers. If more than 6 behavioral traits match with your current girlfriend, then she’s most definitely a selfish giant.
1. She never offers to pay bills
Maybe you want to pay every time you take your girlfriend out. Maybe you get a certain satisfaction in doing that, but does your girlfriend even offer? Does she enjoy the privilege without question or objection? Is she taking you for granted when it comes to paying for stuff?
Forget the major purchases or the bill on dates, if she’s assuming that you’re going to be paying for everything when you’re both out, you obviously have a selfish girlfriend. Perhaps have a conversation about who should pay when on a date, and see how she responds. One of the biggest signs of a selfish person in a relationship is if they get angry when such conversations are brought to the table.
2. She always shows up late
Is your girlfriend always late? Does she even pretend to be sorry for being late? She probably gives you tons of excuses about how she got caught up in one thing or the other. She may even get mad at you if you question her. Her behavior changes when you ask her why she is late because she hates to answer you, leaving you feeling apologetic about her keeping you waiting.
And you are left wondering if she even prioritizes you, or if you’re the backup boyfriend? If your girlfriend keeps you waiting each and every time you are supposed to meet up, then you’re probably not too high up in the list of her priorities.
Related Reading: 15 Signs That Say A Girl Only Wants Attention, Not You
3. She forgets dates or cancels them last minute
If your girlfriend forgets the dates or cancels them for superficial reasons, then surely she is not someone who keeps her commitments. Sure, there is nothing wrong with canceling a date for genuine reasons, but if she cancels a date just because she feels her hair is not looking great or she does not have that red dress yet, then you know your girlfriend doesn’t respect you much.
Perhaps certain dates are important to you, like events that you wish to celebrate. But does your girlfriend adhere to your sentiments about these little celebrations? If your girlfriend is selfish, it won’t matter to her what you think and feel.
Plus, while you’re trying to deal with a selfish woman, she’s probably not going to take too kindly to these accusations. If you tell her she cancels dates for the smallest reasons, she’s probably going to inflate the importance of that video call she had with her friend instead. Needless to say, she needs to work on being more empathetic.
4. She only receives
It’s usually a trait of being selfish when a person doesn’t care much about giving. She never thinks about what you like or what you may want, but she is sure that you do things as per her liking. When it comes to gifts too, she is usually the one who gets them while you are manipulated with a dozen excuses.
Does your girlfriend fall under that category? There is always a gardener and a flower in any relationship; it is healthy as long as these roles are reversible. But if you only give, give, and give without any reciprocation, then it is an exercise in futility.
We are fooled by them, we avoid them, but nobody can truly claim that they have not suffered at the hands of a selfish person or been one themselves in certain cases.
5. She scouts for price tags
Are you tired of thinking of innovative gifts only to see them fall short of your girlfriend’s expectations? Does your girlfriend weigh your love and devotion according to the price tag on your gifts? Do you only get a kiss if you take her to a candlelight dinner at a five-star restaurant? If you’re always paying for things like these, you definitely need to figure out how to deal with a selfish girlfriend.
Not only that, she may even keep on telling you how so-and-so gifted their girlfriend a hefty watch or a pricey perfume. Basically, she is pushing you to give her extravagant gifts. You can spot these signs easily, provided you are not blinded by love. Then you know that your girlfriend is a selfish monster. Sure, you could just call her a high-maintenance girl, but do you want to be in a relationship with one?
6. She never calls or texts first
Are you the one who is always calling or texting your girlfriend when you miss her? Does your girlfriend only call you when she needs something? You may give her the benefit of the doubt thinking perhaps she is just not sure of initiating a conversation yet, but if she can call you when she needs something, she surely can call you to check on you.
It’s also possible that she has taken you for granted, and figures you’ll roll around sooner or later. When you start feeling neglected and lonely in your relationship, something’s definitely very wrong. If this totally rings a bell with your scenario, it’s a major sign of a selfish girlfriend.
Related Reading: 15 Cute Things A Girl does When She Really Loves You
7. She is never there for you
Caring for each other is a fundamental expectation in a relationship. Being there for each other is just a primary rule when you are in a relationship. Have you cared for and helped your girlfriend through a crisis, financial or otherwise, whenever she has asked?
You have probably been with her in tough times, even if that meant losing that job you were eyeing or that much-awaited family get-together. But you always find her to be busy when you need her. She tells you she’s caught up with a personal emergency, or one of her friends may have experienced a tragedy, and she decides to be with them.
All you can come up with is a heavy sigh, which she conveniently ignores. Ask yourself, “Does my girlfriend ignore me?” If the answer is yes, then your girlfriend is extremely selfish and mean.
8. Her career always comes first
Women can be careerists. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. But is she equally considerate when it comes to your career? It doesn’t even have to be the most blatant red flags, even subtle actions can convey she’s selfish and unconcerned about your needs. Something which Jason found out the hard way. “Every time Molina’s working, she gets legitimately upset with me if I try to contact her. But when I’ve got meetings or events coming up, suddenly I’m ‘neglecting’ her and the relationship by choosing to make a living,” he said.
Molina would never understand that Jason values his job just like she values hers. She’d encourage him to take days off to spend more time with her, and would lose it if he ever opened his laptop up at home. “My girlfriend is selfish, she has no empathy when it comes to my job,” Jason said.
Of course, when he decided to talk to Molina about it, all he was met with was rage. A truly selfish person doesn’t really realize what they’re doing wrong till confronted with how hurtful their actions are. Eventually, though, Molina finally understood when Jason showed her the angry emails he’d been getting from his boss.
If she asks you to compromise your career for her benefit but never does it herself, then it is definite that your girlfriend is selfish and doesn’t have any respect for your career at all. Like Jason, try to improve communication in your relationship and put your point across calmly.
9. When her friends are more important
Do you, as a couple, spend equal time with each other’s friends? Do you try to accommodate her friends in your schedule but she never has time for your friends? Or maybe she doesn’t want you to spend time with her friends at all. It probably doesn’t feel great when she blatantly shows signs that she doesn’t want to hang out with your friends.
If your girlfriend is selfish, she may not want to be around your friends or ever make an effort to get to know them. In some cases, it’s also entirely possible that she cancels plans with you just because her friends came up with a last-minute plan for something. When you see such signs of a selfish person in a relationship, you need to ask your partner about their priorities.
10. Her parents are dominating
If you have a selfish girlfriend, then you obviously don’t see your own parents that often. She may even make you choose between them and her, over little things. But when it comes to her parents, there’s no debate. Their opinion invariably amounts to more than yours, even if you don’t like what has been decided on.
Yes, the signs of a selfish woman in a relationship aren’t just limited to the things that directly involve you two as a couple; who she sides with can also speak volumes about her personality. Whether it’s about her own life decisions or anything to do with your relationship, it’s her parents who get priority.
11. No matter what you do, she is never satisfied
Is she selfish in bed? Does she seek more satisfaction without reciprocation? Does your girlfriend hold intimacy as a prize or punishment? Does she dangle promises of intimacy in front of you to make you do things? Does she abstain from intimacy if something is not to her satisfaction? Finally, during intimacy, does she only look for her pleasure and never care for yours?
If your relationship is fraught with the above signs, you need to figure out how to deal with a selfish woman. Even outside of the bedroom, it’s possible she may not care much for your comfort and needs. If this is the case, she is playing a nasty, selfish power game with you, which is very much toxic.
12. She is ready with threats at the drop of a hat
Does your girlfriend threaten to leave you for every minor disagreement? Are you always tiptoeing around her, never wanting to make her angry? Do you live in constant fear of losing her? Does she make you lie to her, even on inconsequential matters, out of sheer fear? Are you even allowed to be yourself in front of the person you love? If these are all true, then your girlfriend is selfish.
Related Reading: How To Balance Independence In A Relationship?
How Do You Deal With A Selfish Girlfriend?
Your fear that your girlfriend is selfish has come true and it pains you to have done so much for a person who cares about only herself. It can often be difficult to come to terms with the fact that you’ve gotten yourself involved with a selfish woman in your relationship – but it’s one you can always work on.
Now that you know you have a selfish girlfriend, you’d like to know how to deal with her as well. We’re here to tell you that there’s nothing a bit of communication can’t solve. What matters most is that you know what you need to say and how to say it.
Let’s take a look at how to handle a selfish girlfriend while solving communication problems, so you aren’t left dealing with a toxic dynamic that’s breaking you from within.
1. How to deal with a selfish girlfriend: speak up
Perhaps she doesn’t even know that she is being selfish. Talking to her and asking her to pause and take stock of the situation may do the trick. She probably cares for you in some ways that you may not see, and by talking she may be able to do these things better.
Richards’ girlfriend, Chrysler, had no idea of the harm she was doing by not listening to him when he was expressing his feelings. “My girlfriend only cares about herself; all she wants to talk about is the difficult times she’s going through,” Richard said, explaining to a friend the problems he’s going through.
Encouraged by his peers, Richard decided to talk to Chrysler about the problems he was facing. To his surprise, Chrysler turned out to be incredibly empathetic toward his needs. She immediately understood the things she was doing wrong and apologized for not having been more considerate.
Just like that, the “my girlfriend is selfish!” lament seemed like an overreaction. As soon as he decided to speak to his partner, things fell into place.
Related Reading: 13 Signs Of A Controlling Woman To Watch Out For
2. Determine and pick your battles
Set some ground rules and boundaries. Decide for yourself things that you do not want to compromise on. Pick your battles and tactfully talk to her about changing her ways. Do not expect or ask her to change herself completely right away – that’s neither right nor acceptable. But sensitize her to your feelings and make her feel she needs to be there for you too.
The signs of a selfish person in a relationship are easily observable by everyone but the person who’s selfish. So instead of bombarding her with things you’d like her to address, let her know simply and encourage a positive response instead of animosity.
3. Love and more love
Love conquers all. Maybe with time and unconditional love, she will put down her guard and start reciprocating. If you are patient and truly in love with her, she might start looking at you differently: not as a target but as a refuge. Maybe she will learn to be selfish for you instead of with you.
No, we’re not asking you to turn a blind eye to her selfish nature and love her regardless. What we mean is that it’ll help you both if you reassure each other of the love you share for each other. Instead of saying things like “My girlfriend only cares about herself” to friends and peers, try to have an honest conversation with her.
4. Help her deal with her insecurities
Sometimes selfishness comes from deep-seated insecurity. Maybe major heartbreak or a lifetime of being neglected has turned her into this big selfish monster. If you can learn that and crack this hardened shell, you might find a completely different person underneath. Maybe this selfishness is just there for self-preservation.
You met this beautiful, brilliant, creative girl and fell in love with her, so what if she is a bit selfish? Her good qualities may surpass this small flaw in every way. So endure, because you are mesmerized by her. Even the moon has its blemishes, and everyone is a bit selfish in their own way.
Did you put up conditions when you fell in love with your girlfriend that she needed to be in a certain way for you to love her? If you truly love someone, then you can’t be selfish like that. When you love someone, you can’t love them for just their good qualities; you need to love them in spite of their bad qualities. True love is never selfish. Remember that before you start complaining.