There has been enough talk about male toxicity and their selfishness, let’s now look at the signs of a selfish girlfriend. When a person is worried about spending their money but very concerned about their share, when a person doesn’t care who they hurt in their path to achieving something, when someone puts their needs before the needs of many, then they are definitely selfish.
We meet these people in every sphere of life. As they said, there is one in every crowd. We are fooled by them, we avoid them, but nobody can truly claim that they have not suffered in the hands of a selfish person or been one themselves in certain cases. It is true even in the case of romantic partners; be it a selfish girlfriend or selfish boyfriends. In fact, it is not rare to have a selfish husband by your side too!
12 Signs You Have A Selfish Girlfriend
A relationship calls for compromise and adjustments. A happy relationship is built on many components of love, trust, and care at many levels. And then you have this feeling that your girlfriend really does not care about all this – because the most she cares for is herself. Because you notice that your girlfriend is always manipulating you into doing what she wants.
Related Reading: 15 Signs That Say A Girl Only Wants Attention, Not You
Because you feel she is never willing to compromise an iota of her comfort for you. And then, there comes a time when you need to determine whether you’ve got yourself a selfish girlfriend or not then you need to look at the following pointers. If more than 6 behavioural traits match with your current girlfriend, then she’s most obviously a selfish giant.
Having a selfish girlfriend is a deal-breaker for most men.
1. She never offers to pay bills
Maybe you want to pay for your girlfriend, maybe you get a certain satisfaction in doing that, but does your girlfriend even offer sometimes? Does she enjoy the privilege without question or objection? Is she taking you for granted when it comes to paying for stuff? Then you obviously have a selfish girlfriend. Have you ever discussed who should pay when on a date?
2. She always shows up late
Is your girlfriend always late? Does she even pretend to be sorry for being late? She probably gives you tons of excuses about how she got caught up in one thing or the other. She may even get mad at you if you question her. Her behaviour changes when you ask her why is she late because she hates to answer you, leave along being apologetic about keeping you waiting.
And you are left wondering if she prioritises you ever or you are the backup boyfriend? If your girlfriend keeps you waiting each and every time you are supposed to meet up, then you are least of her priorities.
Related reading: 15 Cute Things A Girl does When She Really Loves You
3. She forgets dates or cancels them last minute
If your girlfriend forgets the dates or cancels them for superficial reasons, then surely she is not someone who keeps her commitments. Yes, true, there is nothing bad about cancelling a date, for genuine reasons, but if she cancels a date just because she feels her hair is not looking great or she does not have that red dress yet, then you know your girlfriend only values what’s outside.
Perhaps, dates are important to you, like events that you wish to celebrate. But does your girlfriend adhere to your sentiments about these little celebrations? If your girlfriend is selfish, it won’t matter to her very much what you think and feel.
4. She only receives
The person who enjoys receiving more than giving is usually a trait of being selfish. She never thinks about what you like or what you may want but is sure that you do things as per her liking. When it comes to gifting too, she is usually the one who gets them while you are manipulated with a dozen excuses. Check is she an only child?
Does your girlfriend fall under that category? There is always a gardener and a flower in any relationship; it is healthy as long as these roles are reversible. But if you only give, give and give without any reciprocation then it is an exercise in futility.
We are fooled by them, we avoid them, but nobody can truly claim that they have not suffered in the hands of a selfish person or been one themselves in certain cases.
5. She scouts for price tags
Are you tired of thinking of innovative gifts only to see them falling flat to your girlfriend’s expectations? Does your girlfriend weigh your love and devotion according to the price tag of your gifts? Do you only get a kiss if you take her to candlelight dinner in a five-star restaurant? Not only this, she may even keep on telling you how so-and-so gifted their girlfriend a hefty watch or a pricey perfume. Basically, she is pushing you to gift her extravagant gifts and you can spot these signs easily, provided you are not blinded by love. Then you know that your girlfriend is a selfish monster. There are some high-maintenance girls, do you want to be the keeper of one?
6. She never calls or texts first
Are you the one who is always calling or texting your girlfriend when you miss her? Does your girlfriend only call you when she needs something? Maybe she is just not sure of initiating a conversation as yet, but if she can call you when she needs something, she surely can call you to check on you.
Just try to think if that has been the case. If yes, then this is one of the major signs of a selfish girlfriend.
Related Discussion: Do we ignore ourselves often in relationships?
7. She is never there for you
Caring for each other is a fundamental expectation in a relationship. Being there for each other is just a primary rule when you are in a relationship. Have you cared and helped your girlfriend through a crisis, financial or otherwise, whenever they asked? You have probably been with her in tough times, even if that meant losing that job you were eyeing or that much-awaited family get-together. Ask yourself does she ignore you often?
But you always found her to be busy when you needed her? She may have had a personal emergency, or one of her friends’ may have met a tragedy and she decides to be with them and all you can come up with is a heavy swallow, which she conveniently ignores. Then your girlfriend is extremely selfish and mean.
8. Her career always comes first
Women can be careerists, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. But is she similarly considerate when it comes to your career? If she asks you to compromise your career for her benefit but never does it herself then it is definite that your girlfriend is selfish and doesn’t have any respect for your career at all.
9. When her friends are more important
Do you, as a couple, spend equal time with each other’s friends? Do you try to accommodate her friends in your schedule but she never has time for your friends? Or maybe she doesn’t want you to spend time with her friends at all. If your girlfriend is selfish then she may want to live her personal life away from you while taking the least interest in yours.
10. Her parents are dominating
If you have a selfish girlfriend, then you obviously don’t see your own parents that often. She may even make you choose between them and her, every time there is indecision. But every time, her parents come first. Whether it is about her own life decision or anything to do with your relationship it’s her parents who get priority.
11. No matter what you do, she is never satisfied
Sexually speaking, who seeks more satisfaction without reciprocation? Does your girlfriend hold intimacy as a prize or punishment? Does she dangle promises of intimacy in front of you to make you do things? Does she abstain from intimacy if something is not to her satisfaction? Finally, during intimacy, does she only look for her pleasure and never care for yours? Then she is playing a nasty, selfish power game with you, which is very much toxic.
12. She is ready with threats at the drop of a hat
Does your girlfriend threaten to leave you for every minor disagreement? Are you always tiptoeing around her never to make her angry? Do you live in constant fear of losing her? Does she make you lie to her even in inconsequential matters out of sheer fear? Are you even allowed to be yourself in front of the person you love? If these are all true, then your girlfriend is selfish.
Related Reading: 13 Signs Of A Controlling Woman To Watch Out For
How Do You Deal With A Selfish Girlfriend?
Your fear that your girlfriend is selfish has come true and it pains you to have done so much for a person who cares about only herself. Now that you know you have a selfish girlfriend, you’d like to know how to deal with her as well.
1. Speak up
Perhaps she doesn’t even know that she is being selfish. Talking to her and asking her to pause and take a stock of the situation may do the trick. She probably cares for you in some ways that you may not see, and by talking she may be able to do these things better. Don’t play the blame game though, request, and chances are that the outcome will be to your liking.
2. Determine and pick your battles
Set some ground rules and boundaries. Decide for yourself things that you do not want to compromise on. Pick your battles and tactfully talk to her about changing her ways. Do not ask her to change all of her right away – that’s neither right nor acceptable. But sensitise her to your feelings and make her feel she needs to be there for you too.
3. Love and more love
Love conquers all. Maybe with time and unconditional love, she would put down her guard and start reciprocating. If you are patient and truly in love with her, she might start looking at you differently: not as a target but as a refuge. Maybe she will learn to be selfish for you, instead of with you.
Do you know about gaslighting? Gaslighting is the modern equivalent of psychological manipulation in which you, your thoughts, and your feelings are controlled and manipulated to suit the needs of the gaslighter.
4. Help her deal with her insecurities
Sometimes selfishness comes from deep-seated insecurity. Maybe with major heartbreak or a lifetime of being neglected has turned her into this big selfish monster. If you can learn that and crack this hardened shell you might find a completely different person. Maybe this selfishness is just there for self-preservation.
You met this beautiful, brilliant, creative girl and fell in love with her: so what if she is a bit selfish? Her good qualities surpass this small flaw in every way. So endure, because you are mesmerised by her. Even the moon has its blemishes and everyone is a bit selfish in their own way.
True Love Is Not Selfish
Did you put up conditions when you fell in love with your girlfriend that she needs to be in a certain way for you to love her? If you love someone truly then you can’t be selfish like that. When you love someone, you can’t love them for just their good qualities, you need to love them in spite of their bad qualities. True love is never selfish. Remember that before you start complaining.