You have been in a stable relationship, but there is still something bothering you. Perhaps it is the “ex” factor that is still haunting your relationship. He might be in a relationship with you, but he hasn’t gotten over his ex, and you can perceive it. You can faintly see the signs that he still loves his ex.
Have you noticed him still referring to his ex in conversations, talking to her when you are not around and seeming lonely even though you are with him? Is he still in love with his ex-wife or ex-girlfriend? According to a survey done by 93.1 FM Wzak, 71% of people say they think about their ex too much; narrowed to singles, the figure goes up to 81%. Why is everyone hung up on their ex? You may wonder. More importantly, how to know if your boyfriend still has feelings for his ex? We’re right with you on this one.
Perhaps, it is the comforting familiarity that keeps us gravitating back to old partners, even when we know there is nothing left in that connection. That being said, now that he is in a relationship with you, craving the old and comfortable isn’t really a good enough reason for your partner to keep pining for his ex. His inability to snap that connection will definitely get in the way of your relationship.
Dating someone who’s not over their ex is not a pleasant experience, to say the least. You shouldn’t have to fret over, “My boyfriend is not over his ex, what should I do? You deserve to be with someone who loves you wholly and is present in the relationship 100%. If the niggling doubt that this isn’t the case with your partner is eating you up from the inside, don’t take your suspicions or intuition lightly, they might be right. These signs he loves his ex still will confirm it.
10 Signs He Is Still In Love With His Ex
How many times have you thought to yourself, “I think my boyfriend still has feelings for his ex”? Being in a relationship with a person who still clings on to his ex makes you question your place in their life. You even begin to question whether this relationship is going to stick.
Confronting him without knowing for sure will just portray you as a jealous and suspicious girlfriend and will make him compare you with his ex. This conundrum can leave you wondering, “How do I confirm my suspicions before confronting my partner over them? Are there signs someone is not over their ex?” Well, as it turns out, there are.
If you’ve been grappling with the question of how to know if your boyfriend still has feelings for his ex, pay attention. Here is a lowdown on 10 signs he misses his ex-wife or girlfriend:
1. The relationship is long over, but he still talks to her
How to know if someone still loves their ex? The lingering presence of the said ex in their life can be the first clear indicator you need to watch out for. Your boyfriend and his ex might have ended their relationship but they are still on talking terms. Which in many cases can be okay, especially if they had been long-term friends and broke up on a good note. However, one of the alarming signs that he’s not over his ex is when you catch him texting her or calling her when you are not around.
You may try to tell yourself that it’s not a big deal but his conversations don’t seem to end. Being friends with his ex is okay but the problem arises when your boyfriend or husband tries to hide the fact that he is in touch with her. Tara was devastated when she chanced upon a text conversation between her boyfriend and his ex. Even though he had told her that they were just friends and hardly spoke to each other, those messages pointed to the contrary. She quickly assumed that he still has feelings for her, and as she found out later, she wasn’t wrong.
The signs he wants to get back with his ex were written all over his heartfelt confessions of how much he missed having her in his life. At that moment, Tara found the answer to, “My boyfriend is not over his ex, what should I do?” She chose her dignity over a relationship where she always felt like the second fiddle. So, if your partner is friends with an ex, remember that this friendship is not a free pass to lie to you. There have to be some boundaries.
Related Reading: How Do I Cope With My Husband’s Deep Friendship With His Ex-wife?
2. He hasn’t removed her pictures from social media
What are some of the signs someone is not over their ex, you ask? Well, this one is a definite red flag. If your boyfriend still keeps cozy and lovey-dovey pictures with her on his social media, he’s clearly not over her. When you confront him, he tries to stall you by making excuses like “It’s a good picture”, “She’s just a friend now” or “It will look rude”.
And if you catch him looking at those pictures sometimes it could be a definite one of the signs he is missing his ex. Treat it as the warning sign it is – you may just well be a placeholder until he can figure out a way to get back together with his ex. That’s not how you deserve to be treated in a relationship.
If you’re still in denial, ask yourself this: How many cozy pictures of you both does he have on social media? Have you ever caught him staring at your picture at 3 am? No? Well, you have your answer. How to know if your boyfriend still has feelings for his ex isn’t that difficult if you know what warning signs to look out for. But to be able to see the situation for what it is, you need to shake off the denial and look at the situation objectively, fully prepared to deal with whatever the outcome may be.
3. Bringing up her name in conversations may be a sign he wants to get back with his ex
Whether you both are on a date or spending quality time together at home, he somehow always brings up his ex. What does it mean when someone talks about their ex? The answer depends on the context and frequency of such mentions. If his ex seems to be in 60% of his conversations and this puts you off many times, it’s a cause for concern.
Some way or the other, there’s something that makes him remember and refer to his ex. Even when you both are hanging out with his friends he will talk about the fun episodes he had with his ex. It is as if you are still an outsider to him. This is another alarming sign he’s not over his ex.
The answer to how to know if someone still loves their ex is simple – if your partner’s ex is on their mind so much that they can’t help but talk about them almost all the time, it’s a clear sign that there are some unresolved feelings there. Some may argue that it might even be a sign he loves his ex more than you. The ex can seem like the ominous Damascus sword hanging over your relationship, threatening to sever your bond at any time.
4. If you’ve caught him stalking her online, it’s a sign he is not over his ex
You just sit beside him while he is on his phone and he gets all jumpy or nervous. You check what he was checking and there it is, the profile page of his ex, staring right at your face and mocking you. He tries to give excuses but you know what’s going on. He has been stalking his ex!
Immediately, the first thing you’re going to think is that your boyfriend still misses his ex because he is still in love with her. That’s because the signs that you’re dating someone who’s not over their ex couldn’t get any clearer than this. If his ex’s social media handles are the most visited pages in this web history, you don’t even need to bother figuring out the answer to how to know if your boyfriend still has feelings for his ex.
The answer is staring you in the face already. So don’t ponder on any further questions like, “How do you know if he still thinks about his ex?” What you need to do is have an honest conversation with your partner and decide whether the course of your relationship
5. He sometimes calls you by her name
“I take thee, Rachel” Remember what happened when Ross from Friends said the wrong name at the altar? It was so embarrassing for Emily and cost them their marriage. Imagine if your boyfriend calls you by his ex’s name at a party or in one of your most intimate moments – sexual or otherwise. There is no doubt that you’d be left wondering, “My boyfriend is not over his ex, what should I do?”
What makes a man miss his ex? It’s the memory of the good times that he spent with her that make him think about her so often. He has, in his mind, built up an idealized version of her. He has very conveniently forgotten about everything that went wrong with her and only remembers the good times. Hence, it’s no surprise if he calls you by her name. It could also be one of the signs he is using you to get over his ex if they had a particularly bad breakup.
Has this already happened to you? If yes, then it means that in his mind she still is his girlfriend and you are simply there to fill her shoes. If this has happened to you more than once, then you need to rethink your status in the relationship. You don’t want to end up as the rebound in someone’s story.
6. You don’t feel like you are in a new relationship
When you notice all the signs he wants to get back with his ex, you won’t feel that rush and excitement of being in a new relationship. The nervousness, the giddy rush of looking forward to a future together is just absent, and it could well be because your partner isn’t 100% present in the relationship. It is as if the honeymoon period in your relationship ended before it started.
The entire time you wonder whether he is cheating on you with his ex and you both are already behaving like an old bickering couple. If you barely even feel that his eyes are all for you at the beginning of the relationship, then something is off for sure. This is one of the signs he still loves his ex that should not be overlooked.
Sabrina, who has been dating a guy who was coming out of a 5-year long relationship, says, “My boyfriend still helps his ex-girlfriend with anything and everything. I’ve tried to be understanding of their rapport but at this point, it feels like helping her is just a convenient excuse for him to be by her side. His face lights up at the prospect of meeting her; I’ve not seen him bring half that enthusiasm to our relationship, even though we’re in those early stages that are all about the can’t-keep-hands-off excitement. At this point I’m pretty certain my boyfriend is not over his ex, what should I do?”
Upon noticing these signs he wants to get back with his ex, Sabrina decided to confront her partner about it. He denied it at first, but he also understood where Sabrina was coming from. It was clear that their new relationship didn’t feel like it, and perhaps he had some “moving on” left to do. So, if you’re wondering how do you know if he still thinks about his ex, ask him!
7. He still has feelings for her if he has all her stuff
Ava found her fiance to be distant and withdrawn, more often than not. Even though he’d dismiss her concerns, she felt something was amiss. What are the signs someone is not over their ex? Ava would lose sleep over this question, night after night. Then, one day, she was looking for something at the back of his closet and found his ex’s old outfit neatly tucked there.
When she confronted him about it, he once again brushed it off as a case of his forgetfulness. But Ava knew the truth in her gut. He still has her stuff because he is not ready to let go of her and her memories. It’s one of the signs he still misses his ex and reminisces about her. He has her things because they are too precious for him to throw away as they are the only things that will connect him to her and he doesn’t want to let go of them. To her, it was one of the clear signs he is not over his ex, whether he wanted to admit it or not.
On the flip side, if your boyfriend has one or two stray things that once belonged to her it could actually be a coincidence. Or maybe he kept them as a keepsake. This alone may not be among the signs he wants to get back with his ex, especially if the things he kept around don’t seem that important. But if this happens in tandem with other indications of him being emotionally connected to her, then the writing is on the wall: he’s not over his ex.
Related Reading: 20 Signs He Is Not Into You
8. He hasn’t told his parents about you
You have been in a relationship with him for quite some time now and still haven’t met his parents. His parents don’t even know that you exist as a friend. Did it take this long for him to tell his parents about his ex too? If no, then it’s because in his mind he feels that his old flame was the one for him and is still unsure about what he feels about you.
Moreover, if he hasn’t introduced you to most of his friends, it’s time to sound the alarm bells. Nancy, a 32-year old banker, started dating John a few months after his divorce. She wrote to us, saying, “I definitely saw a few signs his ex wife wants him back, because she clearly wasn’t happy with the divorce. I found out a bit later that he was actually pining for her too, when I learned that none of his friends knew about me though we had been dating for about half a year.”
If he had introduced his ex to his parents, then it was definitely a serious relationship. It takes time for anyone to get over a serious relationship and there are chances that he still loves his ex. The question that you need to ask is, “If he is still hung up on his ex, what am I doing in his life?”
9. He compares you with his ex
How to know if your boyfriend still has feelings for his ex? One of the most alarming signs that he’s not over his ex is when you find him vocally comparing you to her. Whatever you do for him, whether it’s cooking for him or taking him to new restaurants, he will mention how his ex would do it. He constantly compares your actions with hers and tells you how special she made him feel.
What’s worse, since he’s probably lying to himself about not being in love with his ex, he won’t see anything wrong with bringing her up in conversations all the time. It might be one of the signs he loves his ex more than you, especially if he unknowingly brings her up every time you two have a conversation.
Imagine cooking him his favorite dish only for him to tell you about how well his ex made it for him. It’s like he wants you to be her. In these frustrating moments, you may find yourself questioning, “Why is everyone hung up on their ex?” We get the disappointment and exasperation you’re dealing with. But the question you need to be asking instead is, “Why am I taking this?”
10. He speaks about his ex during intimate moments
One of the most evident signs he still loves his ex or is not over his ex is if he mentions the ex during your intimate moments. If she is on his mind instead of you even during sex or moments of physical intimacy, there is little room for contention. Signs someone is not over their ex can’t get more telling than this.
Imagine your boyfriend saying her name instead of yours during the climax. It could not get worse! You may be able to forgive him for comparing your cooking with hers but not this! If it’s gotten to this point, we sincerely hope you’re no longer wasting your time trying to figure out, “My boyfriend is not over his ex, what should I do?”
You know full well what needs to be done, all you need now is to find the strength to go through with it. Walk away now, leave him where he wants to be – stuck in his past – and focus on moving forward with your life. You deserve to be in a relationship where you’re loved, cherished and valued, just the way you are.
My Boyfriend Still Loves His Ex And Loves Me Too
“I think my boyfriend still has feelings for his ex”
“My boyfriend loves his ex more than me.”
“He’s not over his ex. Should I be patient or should I leave?”
If any of the above thoughts have been on your mind, you aren’t being the crazy girlfriend. Your lurking doubts are not pointless and the above signs prove it. Sometimes, when you confront your boyfriend, he may tell you that he loves you but still misses his ex. He tells you that he needs time to get over her. It could be possible that your boyfriend still loves his ex and has jumped into the next relationship too soon.
He hasn’t taken the time to heal, and thus may still be figuring out ways to move on and start afresh. In such a scenario the person who suffers the most is you, the current girlfriend. Your current relationship becomes unstable as it still stands on the history of the previous relationship. Sometimes, the ghosts of their previous relationships make it harder for men to move on. They get into a fresh relationship but most of the time it’s a rebound.
In such a scenario, what men need is a friend rather than a confronting girlfriend. You could be that friend and help your boyfriend move on from his ex but don’t keep your hopes about your relationship high. Be there for him and get him to see how much you are willing to risk for him if you really want to try to make the relationship work. Rather than making the ex an obstacle to your relationship, treat her as the key to saving your relationship by helping him move on.
To be able to do that, you must know what makes a man miss his ex. Is he dreaming up an idealized version of her in his head? Is he missing the comfort that he felt with her, or is there something very specific about her that he can’t get over? Ask him why he’s stuck in this rut, and you may be able to get him out of it.
However, in this situation, a unique question arises. Can you really communicate with your current partner about why they’re still in love with their ex? Is that a conversation you can stomach? After a point, is the disrespect in the relationship going to get too much? Before you move ahead with trying to help him, make sure this is a journey you’re willing to take.
Moreover, make sure you keep an eye out for the signs he is using you to get over his ex. If you do spot them, it’s pretty obvious that he doesn’t see you as something more than just a rebound.
“My husband is still in love with his ex”
Being married to someone who is not over his ex is an uphill battle. The question you’re probably asking yourself is, “He’s not over his ex, should I be patient or should I leave?” When you’re married to a person, you have more time to get to understand each other and hence, you can still help your husband get over his ex and have more time to make him fall in love with you.
So, don’t give up hope just yet, nobody said you can’t conquer this climb. However, if you see never-ending signs his ex wife wants him back and feel like there is no hope for him and he’s never getting over his ex, maybe it is time to let go and find someone who actually loves you and deserves you.
Being in a relationship with someone who is still in love with their ex or is stuck in a time loop of the past is a harrowing experience. It deals a severe blow to your self-esteem and can leave you with a lingering feeling of not being enough. That’s why, when you find yourself in such a situation, always, always, ALWAYS prioritize self-preservation over saving your relationship.
No matter how strong your feelings or how deep your attachment to your partner is, you need to put yourself first and do what’s best for you. If you find yourself feeling a little lost as you navigate the messy realities of loving someone who loves their ex, seeking therapy can work wonders in helping you gain perspective. Should you decide to seek help, know that skilled and experienced counselors on Bonobology’s panel of experts are here for you.