(As told to Saurabh Dalal)
For those of you who are catching up with this series here on couples who swap, my wife Shweta and I are a working couple. We embarked on a new adventure with a close friend couple by going on a weekend vacation to Ooty with them, where we swapped partners for the night. However, we felt guilty and we realised swapping is easier with strangers than known people. We met a couple who gave us new insights into how couples are using swinging to bring never-ending adventure and spice into their lives. Then we encountered an attached couple, who were married to different people, but swung together. This happened a second time and left us disgusted. From our experience, we’ve compiled a list of dos and don’ts for those of you who are looking to start off swapping your spouses. If you are getting into a swapping lifestyle you have to keep a lot of things in your mind.
Back from Bangkok, we found that our inbox was full of messages from couples and singles. Tackling singles and fake couples in this game is a tough job. On an average, 2 out of every 3 profiles are those of a fake couple or a single. Moreover, searching for a couple who matches your wavelength and is attractive enough for the desire to be kindled is a tedious and time-consuming job. Several steps need to be passed through before one can strike the target.
What does swapping mean?
Before I start with our next level of the adventure let me tell you what exactly swapping means. In the dictionary, the word wife-swapping means The practice within a group of married couples of exchanging sexual partners on a casual basis. We have to do this between consenting adults and if you are getting into the swapping lifestyle, in my opinion, it has to be with complete consent of the wife. I know many people force their wives into the swapping lifestyle and this is completely unfair. Two people – the husband and the wife- have to be completely prepared before they go into trading spouses. Because the swapping lifestyle has emotional consequences that have to be dealt with by the couple together. The wife-swapping culture very much exists in India but there are many pros and cons to it and one needs to keep a lot of things in mind before one starts trading spouses. I will discuss that now. Before that, I would only say that the general idea of swapping is people meet at key exchange parties and then swap. But this is probably one of the 100 other ways swapping is done in India.
Related Reading: 5 Things To Consider Before Starting A Polyamorous Relationship
Some common issues in identifying the right couple for swapping are…
1. Level of education
Irrespective of what anybody says, we have found that education is an important marker for determining personality and behaviour of a person. An educated person will be well dressed, hygienic, polite, courteous, smell good and in general be more respectful towards others.
And all this is especially important if we are committing to spend and share our most intimate moments with them. Shweta is especially put off by uneducated guys and most of the times we avoid meeting them.
2. Level of affluence
Let’s face it. Couples from all walks of life are into swapping. There are peons to CEOs to multimillionaires who are into swapping. And it does matter whether the other couple is from the same level of affluence. Swapping isn’t only about mindless sex. It’s also about connecting socially and a CEO and a peon will not connect on a social basis. Many couples have a regular set of friends with whom they not only swap but also meet socially and go on vacations together. Therefore similar social status is a must for them. Then only they can think of trading spouses.
I have touched on this aspect before also. Couples generally look for younger couples for swapping. And there is a lot of anonymity in swapping before the actual meeting, so it’s difficult to judge someone’s age beforehand. Most couples knock off quite a lot of years from their actual age in their profiles. Everybody presents themselves as younger than they are. Yet, when we meet somebody faces to face, the true age is revealed.
Related reading: Survival Guide: Dos and don’ts of being in a live-in relationship
4. Level of fitness
This is another area where most couples tend to lie. Even if you ask for a pic from a couple married for 10 years, they will send you something from the time when they had gone on their honeymoon. And it is common to shave a few kilos from their weight. Of course, here too all is revealed in a one to one meeting and the friendship gets terminated abruptly.
5. Social manners
Although I did mention that education helps in the department of social manners, in general, Indian guys had never had the opportunity to practise their skills in wooing a woman. Most of them studied, got a job and married the woman chosen by their parents. They continued to be the lords of their realm and never learnt what it takes to please a lady.
Most Indian men seriously lack charm. Plus they get easily offended by being turned down by any woman and can’t take no for an answer. All the lives they have been made to believe that they are a gift from God. They are boorish, offensive, impolite, rude, aggressive – all things that are severely detested by most educated women. And there is no doubt that swapping is all about women empowerment. The decks are heavily loaded in her favour, as most guys are genetically wired and ready to have sex. She has the power of saying no and in a swapping situation, this is formidable. As swapping couple you always have to keep this in mind.
Many couples in the game are newbies. They are excited by the thought of swapping, but when it comes to actual execution, they develop cold feet. This is natural, as they are indulging in something which is not only taboo but also carries other risks like social recognition, STDs, cheating, blackmailing, etc. Inexperienced couples generally chat and meet several couples before they gain enough confidence to enter this lifestyle. This is a good way to step into the couple swapping lifestyle.
7. The odd couple
This a far more common occurrence then one would believe it to be. Either the husband or the wife only is attractive for swapping.
However, the couple comes as a package. One can’t wish away the better or the bitter half. It is rare that all the four are equally attracted.
Invariably, one of the partners may compromise for the benefit of their spouse. And sometimes, that leads to stress. This is the most difficult part of couple swapping.
These are just some of the issues that most couples go through before they decide to swap. Of course, there are exceptions wherein some enjoy the incompatibility as a kink and seek couples with different profiles than their own. We too have sometimes ventured out with a couple with a different background than us. But in general, we stick to tried and tested people only.