I was probably 23 then and had joined my first job. Another guy, who had joined around the same time as I, would sit at a desk across from mine. Usually, I smiled at him if our eyes met. I thought that was a polite thing to do but I never imagined that I was giving out mixed signals. Then, we would talk sometimes at lunch break, and when he offered me his home food I offered mine back. I thought that was a very normal colleague thing to do but it was another mixed-signal I was giving out and he interpreted it as an indication of my interest in him.
Yes, I liked him maybe as a colleague but nothing more. But when I left that job and found him loitering in front of my house giving vague excuses of trying to find a laundry nearby, that’s when I realized my behavior might have given out all the wrong signals. Over the course of time, I understood that what happened between me and my coworker wasn’t the exception but the norm.
Mixed signals from a girl – ranging from friendliness that can be misconstrued as a romantic interest to playing hot-and-cold to keep a potential interest hooked – often lead to confused and conflicting emotions in the one who is at the receiving end.
We, women, often end up giving mixed signals even without realizing that we are doing it. This happens when we are interacting with guys or even when we are dating a person. This can leave the other person confused and unsure about how to take things forward. That’s why it’s imperative to decode what are mixed signals from a girl, and we’re here to help you with it.
What Really Are Mixed Signals?
The hardest part is understanding if what you feel is one-sided love or the other person has similar feelings for you. But when the girl calls you up and wants to go to the movies that very day and the next weekend you want to take her out for dinner she says she’s busy, you have at your hands one of the classic examples of mixed signals from a girl.
Likewise, she gives you a tight hug when she meets you but when you send her a love poem you admire, she doesn’t reply. She wouldn’t check your text for hours but she is active on Instagram you can see. These are called mixed signals that say “I am into you” one moment and “I am not into you” the next. Sometimes these mixed signals leave you aghast, frustrated and insecure and you don’t know where you stand at all.
In an article, couples therapist and psychologist Marni Feuerman aptly addresses what are mixed signals from a girl. “Mixed signals are negative signals in disguise. Ultimately, the antidote is to pay attention to the actions more than the words. Deciphering mixed messages is a long game of ‘they love me, they love me not’…and no one has time for that,” she says.
Why Do Women Give Out Mixed Signals?
If you’re getting mixed signals from a girl, it’s bound to leave you wondering why. Why does she seem so into you at times and so withdrawn at others? Is she not sure of her feelings for you? Why is she dilly-dallying like this? There are multiple reasons for which women could give mixed signals, and we are listing some of those:
- Unsure of her feelings: A woman gives out mixed signals when she is not sure about her own feelings
- Communication skills: She is not adept at communicating her own feelings
- Lacks self-awareness: She is herself not aware that her behavior is interpreted as mixed signals by the opposite sex.
- Playing hard to get: She gives mixed signals because she is playing hard to get
- Shying away from commitment: She wants to date you but isn’t sure of the commitment and wants to keep the space intact in the relationship
- Attachment style: She could have had some childhood experiences that make her wary of attachment.
- Intimacy issues: She isn’t comfortable with intimacy yet so every time there is a possibility of that she sends out mixed signals so that you don’t get that close
10 Common Confusing Mixed Signals A Woman Gives
If you are getting mixed signals in dating, then it could really stress you out because most of the time you are trying to figure out what’s going on. On the other hand, some women are not even aware that they are giving out mixed signals.
She could be an extrovert, and smiling and conversing with everyone comes naturally to her. You may think that this warmth and attention is exclusively for you because she is interested in you, while she, on the other hand, may not even have an inkling of how her instinctive behavior is being misunderstood as an indication of romantic interest.
So mixed signals come with a whole lot of contradictions and confusion that’s hard to unravel. But we could help you by telling you the most common mixed signals women end up giving. Here are 10 mixed signals.
Related Reading: 31 Signs A Girl Likes You But Is Trying Not To Show It
1. Is her phone call pattern erratic?
One day she calls you and talks to you for an hour and you feel that you are the best thing that could have happened to her and then for the rest of the week she is too busy to talk to you beyond 5 minutes. You are totally confused about what to make of it. You can’t understand if she is into you or just talking to you when she needs company on the phone.
A girl sending mixed signals can be erratic in her interactions with you. The reasons for it can vary from her trying to get you to chase her to a complete lack of awareness about your feelings.
2. Does she sound interested and then not interested?
Getting mixed signals from a girl can leave you oscillating between ‘she likes me’ and ‘she likes me not’. Do you find yourself thinking, “The girl I like keeps on giving me mixed signals”? The reason behind it could be her carrot and stick attitude.
She could be really interested in you on the first two dates, but on the third, she could be reticent. Then, you may hear of all the good things about you that she has been saying to her friends. These kinds of mixed signals from a girl can be really confusing and you really don’t know where you stand. You don’t know how to decode these mixed signals.
3. Is she staying away from you on social media?
She could be very forthcoming with praises when you wear that blue T and black jeans and could even go on to tell you that you look like the man of her dreams. But when you put up a photo on Instagram in the same attire, she doesn’t leave a nice comment. She always stays away from you on social media.
You sometimes feel hurt but don’t know what to make of this behavior. You feel you are unable to decode her mixed signals. You can’t make out if she is really into you.
Related Reading: Confusing Things Girlfriends Say
4. Does she keep you away from her family?
You are part and parcel of her friend’s gang. You are hanging out with them all the time, you have even been on holidays together. When it comes to her family, you remain a non-entity. You have never set your eyes on any of them, and in all likelihood, they don’t even know of your existence.
In your friend’s gang, it is a given that you two are an item although you haven’t yet formally asked each other out yet. But you have never been to her home and when you asked her to come to yours she has avoided that. This is a classic sign of mixed signals from a girl.
5. Does she avoid going all the way in bed?
What are mixed signals from a girl? If you’re losing sleep over this question, know that a hot-and-cold dynamic is among the classic examples of mixed signals from a girl. She could be an amazing kisser and gets the wines and candles ready when you guys are in the mood for some intimacy. But she doesn’t want to go all the way.
You have asked her about that multiple times but she has always come up with dodgy answers. Perhaps, there are some trust issues or some emotional baggage that is preventing her from letting you in completely. You have thought it would happen naturally one day but she always puts a stop at the last moment. You just don’t know how to decode her mixed signals. You know she loves physical intimacy but you don’t know why she isn’t willing to go all the way.
6. Do her emotions build up and suddenly fizzle out?
With her mixed signals life seems to have become an emotional roller coaster for you. She could tell you that you are the one who keeps her sane with your inspiring words. But when you tell her not to do something because you feel it is not right for her, she could become really angry telling you that you are overstepping your boundaries.
Now, what do you make out from these mixed signals from a girl? Stay close but stay away. That’s what came to our mind.
7. Is she trying to protect her neck?
Men fear rejection, women fear rejection more. A girl sending mixed signals could be trying to protect herself from the pain of rejection because she is not yet sure about your feelings for her. Perhaps, she thinks that you’re not into her or doesn’t feel confident about the possibility of commitment from your side.
So she keeps out giving mixed signals because she is scared that if she shows she is too much into you and after that, you don’t take the relationship to the next level, she would feel rejected. She is protecting herself from hurt.
Related Reading: How To Know If A Girl Likes You But Is Hiding It – 35 Low-Key Signs
8. Is she trying to flirt?
Mixed signals are a potent weapon of women who love to flirt. They like to keep men on the tenterhooks by not letting them know what exactly is the status of the relationship. If you’re getting mixed signals from a girl, it could be a sign of benching dating or fishing dating.
In such cases, mixed signals from a girl are not an outcome of a lack of self-awareness or underlying emotional issues that may be inhibiting her from forming a connection with you. She is doing it consciously to keep you – her love interest –perpetually confused.
9. Does she behave whimsically?
There are times when you feel that she is totally into you. She would behave like a clingy girlfriend, getting jealous of any woman friend of yours, and wanting to hang out with you all the time. Then, for days, she would be busy with work, can also end up going for a solo trip after just informing you over the phone.
These common mixed signals are given out by women who can’t yet decide what they want from their life. They remain whimsical and keep confusing the guy.
10. Does she smile a lot?
While a warm, bright smile is a woman’s greatest asset, it could turn out to be something that could land her up in trouble numerous times in her life. Because men read into a warm smile as an expression of interest in them that they could build upon.
So if she greets you with a warm smile and even extends a hug to you every time you meet her and you are interested in her, then look for other signals instead of banking on the smile only. Just because she smiles at you and is polite with you but doesn’t respond to your advances doesn’t mean you’re getting mixed signals from a girl.
How Do I Read The Common Mixed Signals? We Tell You…
“The girl I like keeps on giving me mixed signals and I don’t know how to decode those signals.” Many guys think this way and don’t know if to step back or to pursue a girl sending mixed signals. We must say one thing is for sure that it is hard to read into the mixed signals and there is no sure way by which you can do that. But you can try to read into the mixed signals while keeping in mind why women give these signals in the first place.
Our advice to you would be to wait and see the pattern of a woman’s behavior. I have a friend who was madly in love with this guy but she had family issues so she thought that getting into a relationship with her would result in unhappiness for him.
So to his every text, she would answer after 3 days, and consciously she would keep avoiding his love poems. Although she would talk to him when he called. He had given up hope. It was only when another girl started showing interest in him that she came clean and told him about her real feelings for him. For two years, he was unable to decode her mixed signals and wouldn’t have been ever either if she hadn’t told him. But he hadn’t moved on yet and had hope.
Sometimes, though it’s better to move on because women could keep you hanging forever because that’s the way they flirt. But if you feel that there is hope, then you could ignore her for some time and see if she gets back to you. If she does, then it is a sign she is interested. If she doesn’t, then move on.
If you see that she is truly interested then you can help her deal with her own confusion and invest in your relationship. Sometimes decoding the signals needs a lot of patience and you need to use your instincts.