‘I love her and I hate it and I hate myself for loving her!’ he wrote to us.
Being in a one-sided love story is torturous, confusing, and leads to constant self-doubt. Are you not good enough? Is something wrong with you? Are you a loser? These questions haunt and add to the pain of being rejected by the person you have given your heart to. The rejection does not mean that s/he doesn’t like you, but that she doesn’t like you the way you want her to.
This could seem like a total rejection of your person, and it can hurt like hell. To be caught in the downward spiral of one-sided love or unrequited love can cause major insecurity issues for years to come. Unrequited love can leave one in despair because you care for someone who does not feel the same way.
If you are unfortunately caught in this situation, we will help you try and win over your beloved and turn it from one-sided love to something that’s more fulfilling. We put forth 8 tips to make one-sided love successful below.
What Is One-Sided Love?
One-sided love is a feeling of longing for someone who responds with only indifference. In other words, one-sided love can be referred to as an infatuation and attraction to someone who does not reciprocate your feelings. A person who experiences one-sided love has this hope deep inside their heart that one day that someone will love them back. And hope, at times, can be the cruelest of them all.
Since there are a myriad reasons behind one-sided love, it’s possible you’ve come across it in your life as well. Maybe the person you’ve fallen for lives in a different city, or, they may be too old or young for you and hence not interested. Perhaps they have feelings for someone else, or maybe are not over their ex. Could be that they just may not be ready for a relationship as yet. Or perhaps the person has simply friend-zoned you…you get the gist.
Unrequited love can seem like the end of the world, or at least the end of a happy world because you feel you will never be able to get the person out of your heart and soul. A person who has moved on with the help of our experts wrote this, “Now that time has passed and I am ready for a new person, I must share what I would have done differently: loved at a time when we were both ready for it and loved a different person altogether.”
Even though you can’t really control who you fall for at a specific time, there are definitely mindful steps you can take that will help you make better decisions. When you experience a one-sided love, meaning, when you experience rejection of sorts, it almost acts as a teaching mechanism.
One-sided love mars marriages and other relationships too. Where people have committed to each other, but then somehow over the months or years, one person finds himself/herself in this situation. The other partner has fallen in love with someone else or just fallen out of love with their current partner. This is a situation where they may share the same roof and bedroom, but one may have checked out mentally.
Signs You Are In A One-Sided Love
So, are you in a one-sided love? Maybe you are and have not even realized that you have fallen for someone who doesn’t feel the same way about you. We had an email from a person who said that all his friends told him that he was in love with this girl but he kept denying it. Probably because, in the end, he realized that perhaps the girl was not ready and this was, in a way, his soul’s self-defense.
Perhaps he saved himself from a world of pain and decided to take better decisions instead. At the end of the day, successful one-sided love stories are hard to come by. Once you can see the signs, you might be able to avoid them or completely lean into them. In any case, knowing whether you’re in such a dynamic will help. Look out for the following signs of one-sided love so that you know where you stand in your love life.
- One-sided love makes you feel drained and not loved because you commit everything to it, whereas you get nothing in return, at least nothing that really matters. Maybe you get crumbs, if at all.
- You are never their priority, even though you can drop every single thing to rush to them in their time of need
- You keep making excuses to meet the person you love
- Even if they make their disinterest clear, you feel this person might change their mind one day
- You probably keep stalking the social media profiles of the object of your affection and keep a close track of all their moves
- One message from them and you are on top of the world; if they don’t respond for an hour you feel depressed; you are constantly on a roller-coaster of emotions
- You keep inquiring about him/her from mutual friends
- You are the one who always initiates conversations or a date. Or a movie, a coffee, a good morning text…you get the picture
- You’re completely infatuated and this person now seems perfect. If your friends point out some flaws you probably shut them up. Perhaps that’s the sad beauty of one-sided love, it makes you blind
- They are your number one priority. Nothing or no one even comes a close second. You will ditch your friends, make excuses if someone asks you for help with something. If the person you’re pining for wants you, you will not be available for anyone else!
One-sided love is torture because you keep wasting your time and energy on someone who does not feel the same way and may never do so. But you must do your bit to make your one-sided love successful. You do not want to end up with regret one day that you could have done something more and didn’t. If you know it is love, roll up your sleeves and jump in with both feet.
How To Make One-sided Love Successful?
The pain, hurt, and heartbreak that result from relationships can be dealt with in many ways. But what about the heartbreak that results from relationships that never were? Yearning for a partner after a breakup is what you hear about most often, and the pain is well understood. At least, in that case, the decision is final and you know all you need to do is move on.
However, in the case of one-sided love, the ifs and buts end up eating away at you all night. Questions like, “What if I express one-sided love, they’ll think about it?”, or, “What if s/he starts liking me?”, or even, “Will this ever happen?”, constantly leave you in a place of uncertainty.
The power of one-sided love is unparalleled. It can grip you from all corners, making it seem impossible to get out of its grasp. You feel so tangled within your own feelings, you may not even realize the lengths you’re going to go to, to try and secure this relationship.
Evaluate your one-sided love and take a thoughtful and honest decision about it. Do you want to let it go or make it successful? That decision in itself will do half the work for you. If you chose the latter, then here are the 8 tips that will serve as a guide.
1. Understand it is not your fault, it is the situation
When we fall for someone who does not feel the same about us, the first thing that we do is look for faults in ourselves. Avoid doing that, immediately. Stop blaming yourself for not being “good enough”, and accept the fact that it is just the situation that is wrong – not you.
Maybe what they wants from a relationship is different from what you offer and it doesn’t need to be better or worse, it could simply be different. So if someone does not feel the same way about you as you do about them, understand that it is not about you per se, it is about them. Why do you like them? Well, you do, the heart feels what it feels. Accept it and stop beating yourself up about it.
2. Are you in love, or are you just infatuated?
Be sure about your feelings. Is it really love? Many one-sided lovers regret pursuing their beloved because they realize later that their love was just a passing crush. Getting confused between infatuation and love is not uncommon, and the most famous one-sided love stories often end up being a case of infatuation.
Be doubly sure that it is what you think it is before you commit your whole and soul to it. If the only thing you know about this person is that they’re cute and nice, there’s a good chance you’re probably just infatuated. Get to know more about this person, you may even come across a tidbit you just can’t look past.
Like, what if this person wears crocs around the house? We don’t know about you, but we’d stop with any signs of one-sided love then and there.
Related Reading: 9 Ways To Get Over And Cope With Unrequited Love
3. Keep letting then know that you are thinking of them
To make your beloved feel your presence, communicate regularly. They must know that you are on their mind. See a beautiful show on Netflix, send her a review or a line stating why you liked it. Click a picture of a beautiful sunrise or sunset and send it to her.
Do not seem desperate for a response, be there with your little gestures and thoughtful ways. Remember, however, there are a bunch of things you need to be careful about — do not double text, do not seem overly creepy by texting this person 10 times every hour.
You don’t want them to call the cops on you, so try to be casual and let them take their time to respond. Through your conversations let them know that they are always on your mind, but don’t be painfully obvious by saying stuff like, “I’m always thinking about you, I’m obsessed with you.”
All that’s going to do is make this person get a restraining order against you. Be careful with how you go about this one, how you express one-sided love can change the whole dynamic.
4. Become a good friend
Before you think about starting a relationship with someone, you must become their good friend. This is true for even a one-sided lover like you. First and foremost, become a good friend to your loved one and earn their trust. Only when your beloved gets to know you completely as a person, will they be able to think about the prospect of being in a relationship with you.
Try and know their likes and dislikes, be there for them when they need help with something, understand their fears. Help them be better, but remember, do not be overpowering. One thing you must learn is to set aside your expectations of what you want and focus your energy on being a friend. We receive many stories where good friendships blossom into beautiful romances. But for that, you have to keep your slate clean.
When you’re moving from being friends to lovers, perhaps yours will become a successful one-sided love story.
Related Reading: How to cope if your crush is already in a relationship
5. Do not obsess or stalk
It is unhealthy if you let one-sided love consume you. Therefore, you need to make clear boundaries. Let the person you love know about your feelings, but do not stalk them. Have a life, have close friends, pursue a hobby, work on your skills and growth. The more you make yourself the focus and have different avenues for the release of your energy, the more relaxed you will be around this person.
So go out and take up new challenges and hobbies, and perhaps through them, you will be able to reach them in a completely different way. If you become overly obsessed, then you may creep them out. Figuring out how to stop obsessing over someone isn’t where you want to land up, so be careful with how much time you invest in them.
You will feel tempted to stalk them, enquire about them from their close friends, or just know what they are up to. Refrain from that as it will only increase your longing and may make your beloved feel wary of you. One-sided loves’ meaning does not feature a person being uncontrollably obsessed with the other.
6. Make your beloved see the best in you
This does not mean that you have to go overboard and do fancy things to impress your beloved. It just means that you have to be true to yourself and help this person understand you better. Do not try hard to hide your flaws, have the courage to be vulnerable.
Do not pretend to like adventure sports if that’s not your thing. Or flaunt money in a bid to win them over. You should show them what you are proud of about yourself and hope that it will be enough. Maybe it is not a six-pack, but intelligence and wit. Instead of trying to find reasons to be hard on yourself, put your best foot forward. That’s the beauty of one-sided love, it might just push you to be the best version of yourself.
Also, this would be a good time to hit the gym or get into exercise. This helps release energy and the newly shaped body may give you some new confidence.
Related Reading: 8 ways to cope with unrequited love
7. Do not get frustrated and belittle them
Respecting them means accepting their decision that they are not interested in you. Unrequited love will anger you and you will feel the urge to bring them down or demean them, perhaps via angry messages or by making snide remarks amongst their friends. After all, you are always fighting with yourself. You’re battling your emotions, your feelings, even the part in you that says they will say yes at some point, and not seeing that happen will seem frustrating.
At this point, remind yourself that you like them, but they have not asked for it. Keep respect intact, and that includes the choices they make. Don’t let the power of one-sided love fool you into believing that it’s okay to be crass.
8. Be there for the person you love
Be reliable, but don’t let yourself be taken for granted. Be that friend who’s willing to help and never seems to be just doing it as a favor. There are many ways to be there for a person. Make sure you are around and help out, but without being either ingratiating or demanding.
Now that you know the answer to, “Is one-sided love true?”, we hope you have a better idea of what to do if you find yourself in this situation. Remember that you cannot make a one-sided love work on your own. The other person also has to make efforts to do the same. However, you have to reassure your beloved that the relationship is going to work out between the two of you and that you truly love him/her.