When all the fights you two had were about where to eat or what to eat, things didn’t seem so bad. But if your marriage has started to show cracks and gotten progressively worse to the point where you’d rather not talk to each other, you can’t help but think about what went wrong. If you feel suffocated or tied down with constant restrictions and nagging, you might have given your spouse the title of ‘crazy wife’.
If you’re constantly asking yourself, “Why is my wife crazy?”, we’d just like to make it clear. ‘Crazy’ isn’t a term to throw around loosely. If you think your wife has serious mental health issues and needs help, get her some. Don’t scream “crazy wife” at her and storm off. And you absolutely cannot go around telling all and sundry, “My wife is nuts!”
But maybe it’s been one of those days where your wife is angry at you for something you did…in her dreams last night! And in your head, you’re thinking that she’s suffering from some crazy wife syndrome. Before we address your “Help, my wife is crazy, what do I do?” dilemma, let’s try to figure out if she deserves this ‘crazy wife’ tag that you might have unjustly given her.
Is My Wife Crazy? 5 Signs She Is
You can’t go about claiming that your spouse is suffering from crazy wife syndrome if all she did was ask for your charger while your phone’s at 4% and hers is at 25%. It might not be a nice thing to do, but it certainly doesn’t warrant the ‘crazy’ tag. If she replies with “I’m fine!” when she’s clearly not, she probably just needs some space in the relationship. It would annoy anyone if you take 300 photos of them and none come out “right”.
Everyone goes through mood swings and emotional outbursts once in a while. “My wife went crazy” thoughts are not applicable when she is just putting forth her valid needs or going through a rough patch. Don’t go on a “I think my wife is crazy” rant with your friends either just because she asked you to keep your shoes in the rack or do the dishes.
However, if she is bossy and constantly nagging, domineering, yelling, or abusing you, then there’s a problem, because a controlling wife can literally destroy you. But before you go about saying to your drinking buddies, “My wife is crazy! What do I do?”, read on to find out if there’s any truth at all to what you’re saying.
1. She constantly attacks you with her words
It started off with a few taunts and some sarcasm, but it has now turned into damaging and hurtful verbal abuse in the relationship. Nothing you do is right, nothing you do is ever enough. She finds a reason to humiliate you, belittle you, or abuse you for everything you do or don’t do.
If she is constantly name-calling, making fun of you in public, exaggerating or overstressing your flaws, and hurling hurtful, sarcastic jibes at you, then you’re probably in an abusive marriage. Criticism is welcome, but when it takes a gruesome, sadistic tone, it becomes a problem. It’s as if the words coming out of her mouth are solely meant to hurt you and damage your sense of self-worth.
This constant verbal attack results in you losing your confidence and self-esteem. You start to doubt yourself and even begin to think that you are, indeed, a horrible person. She makes you believe that you deserve all the abuse she hurls at you. It’s no joke – a controlling wife can literally destroy you.
2. She’s controlling
A controlling wife won’t give you space or let you meet your family and friends. She won’t give you much privacy, and might even question where you were and what you were doing at every hour. If it seems like you always have to account for every minute of your time to your wife, you have a real problem, and you’ll soon need to learn how to deal with a crazy wife.
Does she become passive-aggressive or angry if you go against her and do something? Does she always try to dominate every conversation or decision? Does she try to show that she knows best? Do her actions make you feel “My wife is nuts – why is she so insanely jealous of everyone I talk to?” Well, if the answer to all these questions is ‘yes’, then my friend, you have a serious problem.
3. She’s always angry with you for something
Or, at least, it seems that way. When it feels like she’s always holding a grudge against you for something, the atmosphere immediately turns into one of hostility. She gets angry when things don’t go her way or if they seem to not be under control.
The slightest error or mistake is enough to push her off the edge and send her into a fit of rage. If she gets aggressive over the smallest of things or trivial issues, there is a problem. If her anger issues have begun to affect your life to an extent where it has become impossible to have a normal conversation with her, know that you’re in a toxic marriage.
4. She’s threatened to physically harm you more than once
This is just plain wrong and criminal. Let’s get real. You’ve wanted to ‘kill’ your spouse at least once at some point in the marriage. But not literally, of course! But if your wife has threatened you with physical violence or tried to physically hurt you more than once, she definitely isn’t in the right headspace.
It’s a sign that you should reach out for help. If this happens or has happened to you, we suggest you get professional or legal help immediately. Staying in a relationship where there is a constant threat of physical violence can ruin your mental health. Your wife is putting your safety at risk, which is an offense.
5. She often ignores or gaslights you
Are you often met with reactions or statements like “I didn’t say this”, “I didn’t do this”, “You’re making things up”, or “What you’re saying never happened” every time you try to have a conversation with your wife? If the answer is ‘yes’, then you are a victim of gaslighting.
If your wife makes you feel like a jerk for thinking what you think, it’s a possible case of gaslighting. You’ll end up doubting yourself, thinking maybe you’re the one at fault. You’ll feel confused and helpless and end up questioning your own sanity. When you try to take a stand for yourself, your wife might just give you the cold shoulder for a few days. The consequence of such behavior is that you don’t even know why you’re being ignored.
Related Reading: 20 Gaslighting Phrases In Relationships That Kill Love
9 Ways To Deal With A Crazy Wife
If your wife ticks all the boxes in the above list, you should probably seek help or consider your decision of staying in the marriage. In common parlance, people may address it as the “wife goes crazy” or “my wife is nuts” problem, but such behavior is that of a bully. However, if things haven’t gotten to the point of physical or emotional violence yet and you want to salvage the relationship, there are a few things you can do to deal with the situation.
“My wife is crazy, what do I do?” There is no doubt that this question weighs on your mind a lot. And, no, the answer won’t be as simple as making her breakfast in bed. We’ll just break it to you right now: It’ll be hard to turn your controlling wife into the lovely person you married. So, buckle up and read on to find out what you can do to pick up the pieces and prevent further damage to your marriage:
1. If you have a crazy wife, you have to be the opposite of crazy
“This town ain’t big enough for the two of us” or rather, your house isn’t big enough for two crazies. If your partner isn’t having her finest hour, you need to step up and be the pillar of support she can lean on. If she can’t breathe, calm her down. If she can’t remain calm, diffuse the situation the best you can.
You need to fix the situation, not match her energy. When you let yourself become as angry as she is, the result will be a ‘who screams the loudest’ match where nobody wins. This endeavor will take nothing less than the patience of the Dalai Lama. Understand that some people get more easily overwhelmed than others or simply aren’t good at dealing with pressure. Their partner then needs to be the voice of reason and sanity, as well as their spouse’s rock. It won’t do either of you any good if you just roll your eyes and mutter under your breath, “My wife is nuts!” when she’s in “one of her moods again”. That is neither nice, nor kind.
2. Commit to making the relationship the best it can be
If you can’t find solutions at the moment, compromise. If respect is nowhere to be seen, give it. When every day feels like a battle, keep fighting. We know it is easier said than done. But when you have a resolute mindset, the possibility of fixing your marriage goes several notches higher.
Tell your wife you’re not giving up on this relationship and that you’re willing to do whatever it takes to fix it. You won’t get back to the honeymoon period, but who knows, maybe you’ll reach a deeper sort of love? Also, you never know, your wife might strive to become a better version of herself after seeing the amount of effort you’ve been putting in to make the marriage work. She might turn into the wife who goes crazy for a man – her man, that is you.
3. Don’t let the relationship slowly die
“I think my wife is crazy. I have a miserable wife, I’d rather just avoid talking to her till it blows over.” Don’t approach the problem with this attitude because it’ll get you nowhere. Problems, when left unchecked, only get worse. Once you realize that the relationship needs work, get on it immediately. It’ll do neither of you any good if you’re always telling yourself, “My wife is nuts” or mumbling ‘My wife is crazy, what do I do?”.
Don’t wait around for things to get easier or better on their own. They won’t until you make them. If your ‘miserable wife’ seems to be getting worse, you need to think about how you can help her feel better. Don’t wait for her to reach a tipping point because there’s no going back from there. You need to do your bit to bring the situation under control instead of aggravating it by throwing about words like ‘crazy’, ‘insane’, or ‘demented’. Imagine if the shoe were on the other foot? Doesn’t feel nice, does it?
Related Reading: 7 Expert Backed Ways To Help A Depressed Wife
4. Try to find out why this is happening
Communication helps every relationship. When both partners have a constructive dialogue, they get one step closer to figuring out the reason behind the fights or the ‘craziness’. If you have a controlling wife, get to the bottom of why it’s happening. Is she insecure? Does she have anxiety? Is she expecting too much from you?
Figure it out, and get to work toward fixing it because if you don’t, it’ll ruin your mental health and peace of mind and, eventually, destroy your marriage. It’s not as easy as getting her a gift every time she’s angry. These gestures might work a couple of times but will not solve the problem at hand. If you don’t identify the reasons, problems will only get worse.
5. Be honest, but expect some backlash
Assuming that your wife has become completely irrational, it’s entirely plausible that she’ll get angry at you if you express your feelings or try to explain your point of view. We’re sure it’s the most annoying and infuriating thing ever for you, making you wonder “Why is my wife so crazy?”. But you don’t have much of a choice except to figure out a way to work around her. Talk to her when she’s in a good mood, ask her to express herself honestly, and make sure she hears your side too.
To reach a stage where you can be honest with your wife, you’ll have to improve communication in your relationship. We’re sure you’ve heard this time and again, but communication is key to a strong and successful marriage. She might be screaming at you, but you’ve always got to remain calm. We know it’s easier said than done. But for the sake of your marriage, you’ll have to. It might seem difficult, impossible even, but once you’ve crossed that bump and things seem better, it will be so worth it.
6. Don’t indulge in self-pity
“Why is my wife crazy? Why is this happening to me? I’m not even allowed to express my emotions.” These are common thoughts that, we’re sure, might be going through your mind. You’re human, you’ll feel sad. If your wife says hurtful things, it will upset you. It’s normal to feel that way.
You’re allowed to feel sad or upset or angry, but don’t let these emotions persist or get the better of you if you intend to make the marriage work. Don’t pity yourself. If you allow yourself to remain in a melancholic state of mind, things will get harder to accomplish. Even if you have to fake it, put on a smile and keep the bus moving.
Related Reading: A Good Marriage Is About Supporting Your Partner
7. Don’t run away
The temptation to abandon the crime scene (read: bedroom) and cool off alone might sometimes get overwhelming. Sometimes, if you leave the argument in the middle, you won’t achieve anything. All your effort will go down the drain. In fact, you might just end up worsening the situation. But the other times, it’s better to take a step back and cool off before facing each other again, this time with calm and rationale.
As we mentioned earlier, you have to display a level of patience that is at par with the Dalai Lama’s. Wondering what to do if your wife goes ‘crazy’? Don’t abandon her. Try to fix the argument before you go to sleep. Don’t let it linger on like a cancer rotting the relationship from the inside. Cut it out and throw it away. You’ll be able to sleep better and not wake up with that heavy feeling sitting on your chest.
8. Ask for respect and ye shall receive!
When you hear your partner out, get to the bottom of what’s bothering her and try to work on it all while remaining cool. It’s only human to want the same level of respect back. Let your partner know that you’d like to be treated with the same respect you give her.
The importance of respect in a relationship cannot be overstated. Your wife must realize this simple fact. A relationship without respect will seem claustrophobic and toxic, with the disrespected partner feeling belittled and abused. When respect flows both ways in a relationship, communication will get easier and so will the mood at the dinner table. And isn’t that something that everyone deserves?
9. Get professional help
Don’t shy away from seeking professional help if things go out of control. A professional therapist will be able to help both of you reach a place of happiness and contentment in the relationship. If you communicate with your wife the need to get professional help, it might just change the fate of your marriage for the better.
Constantly dealing with thoughts like “Why is my wife crazy?”, “My wife is insanely jealous”, or “What is wrong with my wife?” can be frustrating and overwhelming. Don’t hesitate to reach out to a marriage counselor or a psychotherapist for help. Enroll yourself in couple’s therapy. God knows you could use some help. Putting up a display of so much patience must have really gotten to you by now. If you’re stuck in such a situation, Bonobology’s panel of licensed and experienced therapists is only a click away.
Dealing with your wife can be hard, but it starts with simple steps like not calling her crazy. Stop telling yourself, “My wife is crazy what do I do?” The more you keep saying it, the less room you leave for trying to constructively work things out. It’s possible that she herself is not able to understand what she is going through. Calling her crazy, especially at this point, is selfish and insensitive. If you think you can keep your cool and work through your problems, love deserves everything you can give it.
Jump in with both feet, don’t look at the mountain you have to conquer, take it one day at a time. If your wife is going through a rough time, it means she needs you more than ever. She needs your help, but she doesn’t know she needs it, or know how to ask for it. Step in and do what’s required. Isn’t that what marriage is all about? Remember, love is patient, love is kind. Love always perseveres.