A crime so often committed but never actually spoken about, except when defended in the name of love. Today we are jotting down four very good reasons for not going through your partner’s phone.
Only last day I overheard my roommate watching a daily soap where the exotic creature Fawad Khan in his enactment of a possessive husband was trying to justify his breach of privacy by saying that he was going through his wife’s phone because a couple should share everything. In romanticising love, we often forget the need for our personal space and how important it is to have a space of our own, no matter how loving and comfortable a relationship is. We keep on confusing love with the phantom of possession. We do not want to take over each other’s lives, but share a space of love and care that allows us to still be individuals with our personal space. Here are four fantastic reasons why snooping into your partner’s phone might be the worst idea you have had:
It is generally suspicion that leads you to check your partner’s personal diary, or the modern equivalent – the mobile phone. Is he still texting his ex? Is she not telling me something? Was he at his office when I called him at lunch? All the suspicion just gets a vent out into the little object of constant surveillance – your partner’s constant partner, the phone. There is an immense jealousy that the phone knows more than you do, but if you do not trust the communication between the two of you, then, my friend, question the love that seems to be losing its way and not your partner! Checking the phone can in no way solve the issues of trust – a primary foundation to any relationship.
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There will always be an immense amount of guilt that you will never be able to get over, especially when your snooping has only proven your suspicion wrong. Even if your snooping does not come from a space of doubt but a general need for control and invasion, once the act is done you only have yourself to live with. Everyone understands the unsaid rules of not reading another’s diary and the logic applies here as well. Just because you are in a relationship, every little detail is not up for submission and the guilt is way too engulfing to risk going through your partner’s phone.
3. Negative + negative
Yes, what happens if your suspicion was validated by your snooping session? What happens when indeed your partner was keeping something from you that was of value to the relationship? What to you was a crime committed by your partner in the relationship was matched by your crime of breaching privacy. You will be the bad guy who was being wronged by another. So, it is understandable when your suspicion and your sixth sense won’t leave you alone and you want answers, but you must also realise there are other ways to go about this. Sit down and have a clear talk about your thoughts with your partner and if you feel like you must make your point with the help of the device at hand, then ask your partner to show it to you. If there is something specific that you want to know and you strongly feel that you cannot trust your partner and you want evidence, then exchange your phones and find out the truth of the matter.
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4. Breathing room
A lot of people are not driven by doubt or suspicion, but in general, like to keep a tab on what is happening between their partner and their phone. I don’t know if it is a demonic need to possess or carry out surveillance, or if it is a jealousy incurred from the greater human proximity to technology than an emotional relationship with another person. We must keep reminding ourselves that love does not require two people to amalgamate into one. It is important to spend quality time with each other as much as it is important to be with one’s own self. Give them the space that comprises the individual and there can be no defense strong enough to justify an invasion of personal space.