I had a one-night stand with a colleague but he turned out to be weird and won’t go away

Question:

Dear Ma’am,

Six months back I ended up having sex with my Senior Manager at an office offsite. I thought that the one-night stand would be long forgotten.

I went back to my work. But he started trying to get close to me. He would inquire things out of me like a lover would – “Did you go to the gym?” “Did you drink?” He even tried calling me. It was strange. He is a married man.

I tried to tell him that I was coming out of a relationship, but he started fighting with me. He asked how I could take my boyfriend’s name in front of him and how would I like it if he spoke about his wife.

Professionally, he is lagging. On another office trip to our location, he reprimanded my team mate because he didn’t like him talking to me. On another occasion, he yelled at me in the dining room of the hotel where we were staying, in front of strangers, for a mistake I didn’t make. All this just because I decided to have dinner with the rest of the team and not alone with him.

And he wanted to have sex again. I refused.

He keeps saying that I am hungry for his attention. I have never implied or conveyed such a message directly or indirectly. He did many more tamashas. But the last straw was when he suggested to my boss that I “dump the workload on him”. Then he called and apologised. I have now blocked him on all social media.

He thinks if I reveal how terrible he is at his role, his marriage will be impacted. What do his failures in being a good manager have to do with his marriage? Late nights/all day, he is seen chatting with women. That doesn’t impact his marriage?

He shows me attitude, I avoid. He shows anger, I retaliate. How much one can take? I wanted him as a good friend. I understand that people can be friends with benefits. But is that maturity too much to ask? What should one do here?

Snigdha Mishra says:

Dear Lady,

For one, take responsibility that you did land yourself in a soup without judging the person. You wanted fun, you had it for a night and this guy turned out to be weird.

Second, is your question can’t two people be friends with benefits really applicable in this situation?
Third, your question is asking for maturity too much. Revisit everything you’ve written to me and answer this for yourself.

Also, I don’t think his professional calibre, etc. has anything to do with what’s going on. You slept together, without clearing or setting the expectations right at the beginning. He is been unable to move on or has been expecting more, clearly.

Is this guy your friend? NO

Is he your direct Boss? NO

Are you really answerable to him? NO

Do you connect with him every day? NO

Can you avoid him completely? Yes

Can you report him? Maybe Yes

I’m a little unclear whether you see him every day, as in, do you have the same space in the office? Do you have a colleague you can discuss this with?

What I can tell you is to stop all communication with him. Maybe threaten to report or speak with his wife if he continues.

I hope this helps.