My husband and best friend have been having an affair. I feel broken because they were the two people I trusted the most. I don’t understand how they could do this to me. It’s like I feel angry and upset at the same time. I am having a hard time coping with the betrayal and these difficult emotions. I’m not sure who I should be more angry at and whether I should bother giving my husband a second chance. Usually I would reach out to either my husband or my best friend when I needed support but I don’t even know who to turn to now. I feel so alone and lost.
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Being betrayed by two people who you feel closest to in this manner can feel devastating. Not only is it a gross violation of your trust, but you also lose your support system, which can leave you feeling isolated in your pain. Here are a few things that can provide you the care and support required in such difficult times.
- Practice being kind to yourself and allow yourself to feel. All of your emotions – grief, sadness, anger, disappointment – are valid. Allow yourself to experience these emotions instead of pushing them away. You deserve time and patience to process these emotions without any judgment.
- Reach out to other people for support, whether it is other friends or family. Receiving social support can make it easier for you to navigate this hardship, because you are dealing with it alone. Ensure that you don’t isolate yourself, as that can make things even more difficult.
- Consider reaching out to a counselor or therapist to help you navigate your way through the complicated emotions that arise in such a situation. There is no shame in asking for help when you need it.
- Continue to take care of yourself, especially when you don’t want to. Avoid skipping meals, and ensure you indulge in doing things which bring you joy, fulfillment and make you feel connected with yourself.
- Be patient with yourself. Getting over pain of this magnitude takes time and you should not pressurize yourself into making any decisions. Remember that there is no right or wrong answer here. If you need time away from both your husband and your best friend, it is okay to get some time and space away to figure out your emotions.
- Whenever you feel ready, communicate with your husband about how you want to proceed with your relationship. Consider getting professional help from a couple’s counselor to help the two of you communicate effectively and reach whatever end goals you decide.
Remember that ultimately, the decision rests in your hands. Evaluate whether you will be able to build this trust again. Prioritize self-care first, and do not hesitate to ask for help when you need it
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There is no fixed answer here. For the sake of your mental peace, do what you feel is necessary.
1. If you feel you need space away from your husband, then it is okay to ask for that space. You do not owe forgiveness to anyone.
2. If you wish to communicate things with your husband first, do so in a manner that is respectful to both. Stooping down to disrespect will only bring temporary satisfaction, but you might regret it later.
3. Do not be in a hurry to make a decision. Take your time to consider your feelings first.
Cheating is rarely as straightforward as it seems and how cheating affects a relationship varies greatly from case to case. There are many different reasons why someone feels inclined to cheat
1. Unmet emotional needs in the relationship
2. Complications in the relationship such as lack of communication, emotional and/or physical distance, etc.
3. Personal issues like insecurity, past trauma, abandonment issues, etc.
Men who have committed infidelity can show some of the following behaviors when feeling guilty:
1. Being extra sweet to their partner, like buying them gifts or flowers without a reason.
2. They may start doing everything their partner has been asking them for.
3. Hiding their phone or being secretive about their whereabouts, who they talk to, meet, etc.
4. Defensiveness or changes in patterns of communication, especially when their partner inquires about things they are trying to cover up