Why do i always think my girlfriend is cheating

My Questions and Answers | | Expert Author , Psychologistℹ️
Updated On: April 3, 2024
Why do I always think my girlfriend is cheating on me?
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My girlfriend has been acting a little suspicious recently and I feel like she might be seeing another guy. She is hooked to her phone and seems to have a lot more plans these days than usual. I don’t know – is she cheating or am I paranoid? I asked her and she said she isn’t and was hurt that I would even suggest it. Why do I always think my girlfriend is cheating? This isn’t the first time I’ve suspected her. I just have a big fear of cheating and losing my girlfriend. Please tell me how to tell if she’s cheating.

Answer:

Distrust or lack of faith towards your partner can either be stemming from an insecurity or a fear that you carry, or, it could be due to your partner’s behavior as well. Oftentimes, the two end up supplementing each other to create a torturous headspace where you can’t trust your partner and feel guilty for it. Rather than trying to find out if she is cheating or not – which will only supplement your fear – it would be helpful to understand the basis of this fear.

Engage in introspection and ask yourself, “What is the root of this fear?” As you approach this topic, do so with curiosity and with the intention to understand. Withhold judgment and criticism from yourself, as that will hinder your thought process. Instead of trying to sort your beliefs and feelings as good or bad, healthy or unhealthy, focus on simply observing them and examining their purpose for being here.

Related Reading: Cheating In A Long-Distance Relationship

  • Your fear of being cheated on by your girlfriend could likely be due to painful past experiences of some sort, or due to an inherent belief of unlovability which manifests in this manner. I would recommend speaking to a counselor or therapist to analyze your internalized beliefs so that they stop interfering in this manner with your life.
  • Communicate with your girlfriend about the difficulty you’re facing. However, instead of phrasing it as an accusation, make sure you emphasize your emotional experience, for example, “I feel scared that you might cheat on me.” Instead of, “Are you cheating on me, be honest.” The second sentence makes the other person feel accused, threatened and insulted. In that case, they would get defensive and the conversation could turn hostile.
  • Be open to your partner’s perspective as well, instead of shutting them down.
  • Consider whether your girlfriend has ever given you reasons to mistrust her, or done something which wounded your trust in her. Your paranoia could have some basis in reality as well. If she has done something in the past to wound your trust, ask yourself if that is coloring how you feel currently.
  • Work on identifying the situations that trigger your mistrust. It could be her being on her phone and hiding her phone from you, for example. Notice how these triggers make you feel – neglected, alone, abandoned, angry, etc.
  • Work on building trust in the relationship through expressing your needs, spending quality time together and creating emotional intimacy.

Related Reading: Get Your Girlfriend To Admit She Cheated

This process can seem daunting to take on by yourself, but remember that you’re not alone and that it is okay to rely on your partner for reassurance. However, it is your responsibility to put in work towards yourself as well. Seeking therapy can be beneficial as well, as a therapist can help you explore the causes of your fear, understand your triggers and develop better communicating and coping techniques.

FAQs

1. How do I know if my girlfriend cheated on me?

There can be a few of the following signs if your girlfriend cheated on you. However, remember that these signs being there don’t necessarily mean there was cheating involved. Rather, they are indicative of problems in the relationship. 
1. Sudden changes in behavior such as becoming secretive and hiding things from you
2. Lack of intimacy, physical or emotional. Can show up as avoiding spending time with you, making excuses to be elsewhere, etc. 
3. Decreased interest in the relationship, like talking about the future together, celebrating important milestones. A general disinterest or disengagement in the relationship. 
4. Inconsistency and unexplained absences. 

2. Why do I feel like my gf is cheating on me?

There can be several reasons behind feeling paranoid about your girlfriend cheating on you, such as:
1. Past experiences wherein you were cheated on, or your partner was disengaged with you. It could also be from seeing people around you either partake in or be affected by infidelity. 
2. Insecurity leading to difficulty in trusting. In the sense that it is hard for you to believe that your girlfriend could be committed to you due to your low opinion of yourself. 
3. Feelings of inadequacy, in other words, feeling as though you are not good enough for your partner
4. Fear of abandonment
5. Unresolved conflicts in the relationship and unmet needs. 
6. It could be a gut feeling as well.

3. How should I confront my girlfriend about my suspicions?

Since this is an emotionally charged situation, it needs to be approached delicately. Avoid throwing blame or accusations around, as this will lead to your girlfriend feeling defensive and insulted and the conversation can become painful for both of you. Here’s a few things to keep in mind:
1. Gain clarity over your feelings. The point is to communicate how you feel, so focus on that. Consider how her behavior made you feel and what it triggered. Also try to see if there is any evidence to support your suspicions. 
2. Choose a time and place which doesn’t make either person uncomfortable, and avoid bringing up this conversation in the middle of a fight. 
3. Be specific about her behavior which made you feel paranoid. Respectfully ask her to clarify situations which made you feel paranoid. 
4. Be open to listening to her end of the story as well. Communication is a two way street.

Before you go into this conversation, be clear about what you expect to come out of it and why you’re doing it. Remember to take care of yourself throughout this process as it can be quite emotionally and mentally draining.

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