Am I in love with my best friend? What should I do?

My Questions and Answers | | Expert Author , Psychologist
Am I in love with my best friend ?

James and I have been best friends for years. We always have the best time together and I feel like I can trust him with anything. We’ve both dated other people and things have been strictly platonic between us in the past. But suddenly, I find myself feeling more than I did before. It irritates me when he goes on dates and I even think of what it would be like to kiss him. If this is what falling for someone feels like? I always loved him but now I am wondering if I am actually ‘in love’ with him. I am not sure how he feels and I don’t know what I should do. Should I tell my best friend that I like him? I don’t want him to feel awkward or feel like we can’t be friends anymore. Since we’re so close, we’ve always been super affectionate so now it’s hard for me to tell if he feels more. Does my best friend like me too? I’m so confused!

Related Reading: Signs that you are In Love With your Best Friend


Catching feelings for your best friend can be an exhilarating and a nerve-wracking experience. It’s really important for you to first understand your feelings as clearly as you can.

1. Take some time to introspect about how you feel towards him. There already seem to be romantic feelings involved. Try to understand the depth of these feelings and if you’re feelings you had for someone else which may be getting displaced.

2. Friendship is a gateway to love. Often, friendship becomes a strong base for a romantic relationship to continue in a healthy manner. Along with the proximity, trust and shared interests that come with being best friends with someone, makes it very easy to fall in love. All that to say, what you’re experiencing is perfectly normal and valid. Remember to stay kind to yourself through this time.

3. Once you’ve more or less figured out how you feel, observe his behavior towards you as objectively as you can. Does it seem like he may be harboring similar romantic feelings towards you? Is there something he is doing differently recently, etc.

4. The decision to confess or not, is completely in your hands. Do consider:

  • If you think confessing to him would throw him off and make you both uncomfortable, hold off on it.
  • Keeping those feelings to yourself can be tough. Is that something you’re able and willing to do?
  • Try taking some space away to see if how you feel changes, and to afford you better mental clarity
  • Don’t make impulsive decisions. It’s important to slow down and take your feelings and the dynamic of your friendship into account.

5. If you do choose to confess your feelings, know that there is a possibility of you being rejected. It would be best if you could leave your expectations at the door, so you don’t end up making your friend feel pressured as well. This confession is more for you than for him. I can understand it’s easier said than done, so take your time to build this acceptance.

6. Allow both and yourself some time to collect your thoughts after you confess. This could be a stressful time for you, so ensure you indulge in self care and look after yourself.

7. Reach out for support from your other friends. It helps to not go through difficult times alone.

8. Your confession will alter your friendship, either in a way you like or in a way you don’t like. This change can be difficult to adjust to, but if you manage to accept it, your friendship can continue with a greater depth and trust than before

Related Reading: My Crush Is Dating My Bestie And This Is How I Am Surviving


1. Why do I suddenly have a crush on my friend?

While there isn’t a way to pinpoint “why”, there are a few possible reasons:

1. The proximity, safety, trust and shared interests in your friendship make it very easy to fall for your best friend
2. You could be displacing feelings you have for someone else onto your best friend
3. You could have had feelings for a while, but something happened recently which brought them to the forefront of your consciousness
4. You’re seeing your friend in a different light than before

2. Can best friends fall in love?

It is very easy for best friends to fall in love. In fact, friendship in love becomes one of the strongest protective factors for the relationship whenever they go through difficult times.

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