My husband is always angry and rude to me

Dealing with someone who is almost perpetually angry can be challenging and exhausting. The most important thing here is that you’re taking care of yourself by addressing your needs, drawing boundaries and seeking support. 

Here are a few steps on how to deal with an angry husband:
1. Try your best to stay calm when he is angry. Often, angry people say deliberately hurtful things to rile up the other person, and then it turns into a competition to see who can hurt whom more. Avoid falling into that trap. If you feel triggered, step away and come back to it when you’re calmer. 
2. Listen actively and without judgment when your husband is expressing his feelings. Validate what he is feeling through statements like, “I can see why that would upset you.”
3. Set and maintain firm boundaries. Initially, you will have to model the healthy way of communicating to your husband before he follows suit. Disagreements can be resolved calmly. 
4. Encourage taking time-outs when either or both of you feel overwhelmed and get back to the topic once you’re both in a better place mentally. 
5. Consider seeking professional help from a therapist or couple’s counselor.

There could be several reasons behind your husband’s anger, and even when it is directed at you, it doesn’t necessarily mean it was because of something you did. Here are a few possible reasons: 

1. Your husband may be experiencing stress or pressure from work, financial issues, or other life challenges, leading to increased irritability and lashing out.
2. Poor communication or unresolved conflicts in the relationship can contribute to misunderstandings and frustration, leading to mean or hurtful behavior.
3.Your husband may be dealing with unresolved emotions such as anger, resentment, or insecurity, which he may be projecting onto you through mean behavior.
4. Negative experiences or traumas from your husband’s past, such as childhood abuse or previous failed relationships, could influence his behavior and interpersonal dynamics in the present.
5. Your husband may lack effective coping skills for managing stress, conflict, or strong emotions, resulting in mean or aggressive behavior as a maladaptive response.
7. If there are imbalances in power or control within the relationship, your husband may resort to mean behavior as a way to assert dominance or maintain control.
8. External factors such as substance abuse, peer influences, or societal norms could also play a role in shaping your husband’s behavior towards you.

Remember that you cannot change someone who does not want to change, and neither should that be your responsibility. With that in mind, here’s what you can do:
1. Create and reinforce healthy boundaries, along with indulging in self-care. This can be incredibly distressing for you to go through, so you do need to do a little extra to take care of yourself. 
2. Seek support from friends and family, or even a mental health professional who can help you navigate this overwhelming situation. 
3. Address your husband’s behavior, and hold him accountable to act in a better manner. Make sure you’re not throwing blame around, but instead, expressing how you feel. 
4. Encourage open communication so that he can explore and express what is really bothering him instead of displacing his anger from one thing to another. 
5. Prioritize your safety and well-being and consider what your options are. It is not your responsibility to ensure your husband learns a healthier way of managing his emotions. 
6. Consider seeking professional help from a therapist to deal with the repercussions you are facing due to his behavior. Or a couple’s counselor who can help both of you establish healthier channels of communication and get to the root cause of problems in the marriage.