My wife hates my female best friend. What should I do?

I have a female best friend and my wife cannot stand her Wife is jealous of female friends. I feel like I am caught between the two of them. I am close to her and even when she is just being a friend, my wife is nasty to her. Her and I have always just been great friends and there has never been anything romantic between us so I don’t understand why my wife is insecure about our relationship. I don’t know how to address her concerns without her getting angry. I really want my wife and best friend to get along.

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Answer:

It is a tough place to be caught up in and being asked to choose between your wife and your best friend is not fair to you. However, your wife’s concern over this is understandable. Here are a few things that might help with the situation:

1. Communicate: Instead of trying to guess why this bothers your wife so much, or being angry with her for her behavior, try genuinely asking her what she is scared of. Ensure that you come from a place of empathy and care, and not accusation. If she feels attacked by this conversation, she is bound to get defensive and it would lead to a fight. Once you have heard her out completely, reassure her of her place in your life and convey to her how much you would like her and your best friend to be friends as well.
2. Communicate with your friend as well and for a short duration, until things settle down, to maintain some distance. It would be difficult for both you and your friend, but a good friend will understand your situation and will want to help in any way she can.
3. Spend quality time with your wife and make her feel special. Chances are that she feels insecure and simply doesn’t want to lose you. The cure to insecurity is reassurance which leads to confidence. Don’t hold back in showing her that you value, respect and love her.
4. If you think it beneficial, encourage direct communication between your wife and your friend. Open and honest communication can help clear any misunderstandings between the two women and smooth over any tension in your relationship with both. If possible, try to find a compromise or middle ground which makes everyone feel more comfortable.
5. Look after yourself. This entire situation can create emotional turmoil within you. Ensure that you aren’t too hard on yourself and that you take the necessary steps to make sure you are okay. Indulge in self care, as and when needed and practice being kind to yourself.

Remember to stay patient with yourself, your wife and your friend. Building trust takes time. If this issue continues to create problems in your marriage, seeking professional help can help you build healthier channels of communication and address both your and your wife’s concerns.

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