I Cheated but I Want To Save My Relationship

How to fix a relationship after lying and cheating? I made a stupid drunken mistake and wish I could undo it. I cheated on my girlfriend and I regret it. She is heartbroken and is not able to forgive me. She says now she finds herself questioning everything I say to her. Please tell me how to regain trust in a relationship after cheating. I am willing to do whatever it takes to make us survive cheating. I need her to see how much I care about her and how much I want us to stay together and rebuild the love we shared. Please tell me honestly – can a relationship recover from cheating

Answer:

Cheating is often seen in a very straight-forward manner, when it is anything but. There are several factors which contribute to cheating including but not limited to: partner factors, health of the relationship, personal factors and values, etc.
First and foremost, it’s important for you to acknowledge her pain and respect whatever boundaries she may draw. Rebuilding trust after a relationship is a difficult process, and doesn’t always end in success. However, there are couples who are able to recover from infidelity and come back stronger. In an effort to do so, consider the following.

Related Reading: Can A Relationship Survive Cheating?

1. Acknowledge your actions and take responsibility for them. While there can be several reasons that lead to cheating, at the end of the day, it is a decision you made. Hence, no amount of blaming or reasoning will make it okay. Even though in your case it was a drunken mistake, you cannot shirk off that responsibility. The most respectful thing you can do towards your partner is to take responsibility and show your sincere guilt over this. If nothing else, I am sure she will appreciate a genuine heartfelt apology for causing her pain, which does not include any excuses.

2. Be empathetic towards your partner’s pain. Validate whatever emotions come up for your partner and give her what she needs. Even if that is being left alone. You need to respect her decision as well. Above all, approach her with patience and compassion. She has quite a bit to sort through when it comes to her own emotions. Do not pressurise her into making decisions. Do not attempt to isolate her from her support system either.

3. Communicate with honesty and kindness. Overcoming cheating will require work on both of your part, to acknowledge that something was problematic in your relationship and work on repairing it. Provide a safe space for your partner to convey what she will need in order to rebuild her trust in you. This can look like offering reassurance, either verbally, or through your actions, showing that you are reliable and trustworthy.

4. Commit to change. Simply communicating and taking accountability will not help. Both you and your partner need to commit to making changes in your relationship and following through with actions, not just words. Work on understanding the underlying reasons behind your behaviour, and address whatever issues or insecurities that pop up. It will be uncomfortable to do so, however, if you can get through this phase successfully, your bond will be stronger than ever. Make concrete changes in terms of drawing and respecting boundaries, not maintaining contact with the person you cheated with.

Related Reading: Common Types Of Cheating In A Relationship

5. Take counselling. Speaking to a couple’s counsellor or a marital therapist can help you establish healthy communication patterns with your partner and overcome cheating in the relationship.

6. Be realistic and expect setbacks. Progress is never a linear journey, this means that when you and your partner are working on rebuilding your relationship, there will be setbacks along the way. Do not be discouraged by them as this is only natural.

Perhaps most importantly, be honest with yourself and your partner. It is better to part ways than to stay in a relationship out of guilt or shame.

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