When your friends break up
Relationships are complicated and breakups can get messy. But what if you are on both sides of a team? Can you really be on both the boats and still be afloat? These are the questions that strike a person when their closest friends break up. You will fall under the crossfire of them both where they will question your loyalty. Chances are that they both will cut you off, but can you really be diplomatic when it comes to friendship? Your situation will be compromised, especially when both of them will come to you to vent. You will try to mediate, but you will be held responsible.
But are you ready to deal with all the trauma at the same time? Yes, “trauma”, since it puts a toll on your mental health. You will feel responsible for them both but how can you dissolve a dispute this big? Breakups are always complicated, so be ready to brace up, since we will learn how to deal a situation this bad.
You can’t win both of them
It all will come down to the moment where you learned to prioritise what’s best. And you will obviously prioritise yourself. Then you will choose. But choosing is not really diplomatic, so you will choose neither. You will take some time off from them and get some headspace for yourself. You will need a lot of space for yourself during this time of crisis. But if you are strong enough to deal with them separately, then draw a line to make sure that nothing overlaps. Listen to each of them and call them out when you feel that they were wrong. Be very objective when you call them out, since if you lose objectivity, they will call you biased and chances are that either of them will cut you off.
Avoid and dodge
You can dodge the bullets if you are clever. You just start by ignoring either of them, since they will try to bring you at the centre field to mediate. Don’t be the referee in a match you don’t want to be a part of. There is no moral obligation for you to help sort their mess out.
Don’t be the referee in a match you don’t want to be a part of. There is no moral obligation for you to help sort their mess out.
It’s their responsibility and you can point that out. Be practical and don’t let it affect your life.
Sense of an ending
Breakups can be anticipated, so you can always give yourself a heads-up. In that way you will be equipped to deal with the mess that is about to start. Or you can just ask them to resolve things in a civil manner. It can either spiral out of proportion after that or can be resolved at the very beginning. You, being the good friend that you are, can mediate these things in the initial stages. But then again it is not your responsibility, don’t do it if you feel that you went out of your way to help them.
Don’t get involved altogether
You explicitly mention that you don’t want to compromise any sort of companionship because of their breakup. You ask them not to drag you into scuffles that don’t concern you. Be very vocal about your stance, but never take sides when you don’t want to be involved. You will either hang out with them or you will ignore them altogether. Don’t be a diplomat if you can’t handle it; otherwise they will use you as a doormat and rub off their issues on you until you run out of all the juice to endure their BS.
Don’t let it affect you
Breakups are hard and when you see your closest friends breaking up, you can get triggered too. It might trigger some sour memories that you have from your own relationship in the past. Don’t let these get to you. You will also feel insecure, since you will feel like you are about to lose your friend, but don’t be. If they are being toxic, you have all the right to cut them off.
Related reading: Dost dost na raha: How to break up with a friend
You are on your own
We all are on our own and the sooner we realise that, the easier it gets. Nothing is as utopic as it seems on the silver screen or on any dumb summer flick, so make sure that your friends understand that part. They are on their own but what you can do is assist them. But honestly though, don’t get involved.