“Stop living in the past!”
Haven’t you heard this from all the people around you? Well they are not entirely wrong. Living in the past and continuously thinking about your ex can crop up a lot of hidden emotions which can drastically impact your present relationship. If you are troubled with the question – How do you get over past relationship? Then you are definitely at the right place.
Past relationships and their emotional baggage
Past relationships leave behind a trail of emotional baggage which is not something each one of you can be mentally prepared to deal with. Emotional baggage is a common part and parcel of a past relationship, especially if the relationship has not ended on a mutual note. It basically consists of a pattern of behaviours in which you feel remorse; you are enveloped with sadness or you have a lot of negative thoughts and emotions.
Sometimes, even if you are carrying the burden of emotional baggage, you will not be aware of it as it is difficult to realize its presence in your life.
You might be convincing yourself that your past relationship is over and there is nothing stopping you from embracing your future. But the reality may be quite different as you might still be exhibiting behaviours of emotional turmoil.
So how can you get rid of the emotional baggage related to your past relationships?
Confronting your past relationships and problems associated with these and talking to your current partner will help you to reduce the burden of your heart and give you the opportunity to develop a stronger present relationship with your partner. If you have told everything about your past, there will be no emotional baggage to carry and there will be no insecurity left in your present life associated with your past.
It is important that we learn to recognize our emotional baggage and try to unpack it as soon as possible in order to have a healthy and flourishing present relationship.
12 Signs Your Past Relationships Are Affecting Your Present Relationship
Have you been trying to move on in your life and trying to forget about your past relationship? Are you unable to figure a way out of the mess of your past life? If you are still confused, then here are the clear signs to tell that you have not let go of your past, and these are affecting the way you behave with your current beloved.
1. Insecurity envelopes your relationship
Insecurity is the reason of all the evils which take place in your life, in general and in your relationship, in particular. If you have gone, through a rough phase in your past life, then it will make you lose trust in people easily. But, you must try to trust the partner you are dating otherwise it will only lead to further distrust and eventually a breakup.
2. You become overprotective
It is natural for people who have been betrayed in the past to take their time to be open and free with their current partners. But the problems in the present relationship start when you try to be overprotective and possessive and invade the personal space of your loved one. This paranoia will be manifested in the form of emotional drama in public places and arguments without any reason.
3. Comparing your partner with your past lovers becomes your habit
You always compare your partner with your past lovers in such a way that it becomes disrespectful. You either think too highly of your past lover which makes your partner feel insignificant or you start thinking that your partner will hurt you like your past lover. Both these situations can hamper the peace of your present relationship. Remember people are different, so never compare one with another.
Related reading: It took me a year but I think I’m finally moving on
4. You do not disclose things related to your past
For a relationship to be healthy and strong it is important that there is trust and no secrets between the partners. But if you are trying to hide or not tell something important about your past relationships then it may someday ruin your relationship. The burden of not sharing the memories of your past will be an obstacle to your happy future.
5. Your commitment will be lacking
Commitment will become an issue for you if you have been in a sour relationship in the past. But remember past is past and you should not let it affect your present. Be fully committed and dedicated to the person you are with today. If you are facing issues with commitment, then definitely you are getting affected by your past relationship.
6. You feel depressed
Even in the company of the person you love the most, you still feel depressed and feel that something is missing. This may be because of the feeling of anxiousness that the past debacle may happen again. You must try to get over it.
Related reading: How to deal with mementos of a lost love
7. You keep on talking about your ex
If people around you are talking about him or her, then it is fine because you cannot control what others have to say. But if you are trying to bring your ex into your conversation, then it is bad. As, it is a sign that you are not over him/her and you are still living in your past; this will definitely hurt your current partner.
8. You still stalk your ex
When you keep on stalking your ex on social media and know more about what he/she is doing in their lives, your present partner is bound to get annoyed. This will cause your relationship to crumble because nobody would love to have a partner who is not dedicated to him or her and keeps on thinking about the past lover.
Related reading: My girlfriend brings up her ex during intimate moments
9. You keep on reliving the past
You are not in your present and you constantly think about your past trauma and suffering. Some people experience it so vividly as if they are living in the past and they fail to enjoy or appreciate their present relationship.
10. You tend to build a wall around you
Despite being in another relationship, after a past failed relationship, your personality is different. You do not open up and expect your partner to understand everything without ever sharing anything with him/her. This does not lead to a sustainable relationship. You must not allow the past to affect your personality to such an extent.
Related reading: Osho on commitment & possession issues in marriage
11. Fear of being dumped again
Having been unexpectedly abandoned or dumped by your past lover will develop a fear in you. At the back of your mind, you will always think that this will be repeated and it is difficult to be happy and satisfied in the present relationship with this sort of mindset.
12. You are not okay with physical intimacy
When becoming physically intimate with your current partner, it keeps reminding you of your past relationship and you avoid such intimacy through lame excuses; then there is definitely something wrong. You are scared of getting close to your partner because of your past experiences, which is fair to neither of you. You can look towards building intimacy starting with non-sexual touches.
If you are someone who notices these signs in yourself, then it is advised that you remain positive and work towards making your present relationship a success. To learn and to heal from the perils of the past is what will make you and your relationship stronger.