Have you just entered a relationship and are too scared of what to do next? What to say and not to say? What to reveal and not to reveal? Well, you are still getting to know each other and problems are bound to happen in every relationship. But, if your thoughts are overpowering you and not letting you enjoy being in a relationship, you might be going through what is generally termed as new relationship anxiety.
In early relationship anxiety people often end up self-sabotaging their relationships. Some people develop long-distance relationship anxiety and that also becomes problematic. So is it possible to get over relationship anxiety? First let’s find out what exactly is new relationship anxiety then we can go into how it can be handled.
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What Is New Relationship Anxiety?
New relationship anxiety is quite common. Almost every individual feels some amount of it after entering in a new relationship, and no, it’s not about how the first fight will be.
Anxiety itself is a state of mind where a person cannot stop thinking about certain things and values himself/herself down. If this anxiety in a new relationship, impacts your love life negatively, it is time that you get help.
Sometimes new relationship anxiety and dating anxiety go hand-in-hand ruining your chances of finding love. But how do you know you have new relationship anxiety? Let us tell you.
8 Signs You Have New Relationship Anxiety
We have identified the 8 common signs of new relationship anxiety and 5 ways to deal with it, for you.
1. You keep on checking your phone ALL THE TIME for their texts
If you constantly check your phone for new texts, because you are too afraid to give a late reply, or you make sure not to give instant replies on purpose so that you don’t come off as too desperate, you have it. Or you end up double texting. New relationship anxiety does this to you.
You start calculating minutes of replies and for some people, it’s also the number of words they use. Measured replies are not going to help your relationship grow at an emotional level. Although there are rules of texting while dating, but this way you simply rob yourself of these little pleasure, but measuring it every time.
2. You are too afraid to bring up things that could cause a conflict
You have problems with a few things, you dislike a few things that you would want them to change but the thought of… ‘Is it too early to start demanding such things?’, ‘Will I make him/her upset?’, ‘Will he/she leave me if the fight goes on for too long?’ dominate your head.
And so, you do not say what’s on your mind. You try to avoid conflict and, in the process, you hide the real you out of the fear of rejection. If you can relate to this, you are one of those people who have new relationship anxiety.
3. You get too conscious about your body language
When you go to meet them, do you spray a lot of perfume? Do you make sure that your clothes are perfect? (By perfect I mean, going for an interview perfect.) While you are with them, do you constantly worry about your sitting or standing position? Does your heart keep pounding and you are sweating?
Well, all of this in a little quantity is just nervousness but if you tend to have a lot of this, you have anxiety regarding your new relationship. You measure every single move and cannot remain free from early relationship anxiety. Your body language that should be relaxed and attractive, often gives your nervousness away.
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4. You constantly make up scenarios in your head
When you are not with them, you think of what would happen when you are with them. Most of the times, your scenarios are not positive or lovey-dovey. They are either about a fight that your partner might pick or something that would lead to the end of the relationship like infidelity or abuse.
Your mind has become a pool of what-ifs. All of this has led you to remain confused all the time and you are not able to enjoy the best part of your relationship – the beginning.
5. You are afraid they’ll break up with you
You have stopped being the real you because you think your partner might not like that version of you. So, you try and be the social media version of you, where you present yourself the way your partner likes. You are petrified of the fact that they may leave you if they find flaws with you.
You let them take you for granted, because you live in constant fear and you want to save the relationship at all costs.
Because of this, you feel like you are trapped and you might feel claustrophobic as well.
6. You agree with whatever they say
Whether good or bad, you don’t contradict their statements, you just smile and nod. You don’t initiate a lot of conversations or debates nor do you talk about things that bother you, especially your anxiety. You literally keep your opinions to yourself, and that my friend, is a sign of a toxic, unhealthy relationship.
If you have become submissive totally, because of the fear of displeasing them, you are going through new relationship anxiety.
7. You don’t share your problems with them
You are too scared of removing the mask that hides your vulnerabilities. You don’t tell them about your fears, your bad days at work, the struggles you have gone through throughout your life, that fight with your parents, about your exes or anything that pulls you down.
You are scared that they might make a joke out of it or not take you too seriously. And that is the problem – your own insecurities would ruin your relationship because you assume and conclude all by yourself.
Before expressing the problem itself, you have imagined their reaction and, in your imagination, it is not a soothing one and so you have decided to not share it at all.
8. You don’t express your love physically
Again, out of the fear of being called clingy, you do not express your love physically. You are too afraid to make the first move – of holding their hand or leaning in to kiss, of hugging for the first time. You leave it to them.
You are also scared of what they’ll think of your bodily odour. What you need to understand is that it is okay to feel that way while you are dating, but in a relationship, both partners accept one another despite all flaws.
5 Ways To Stop Being Anxious In A New Relationship
After identifying the signs of new relationship anxiety, the next question that comes up is ‘How do I stop being anxious in a new relationship?’ The relationship doubts keep creeping into your head making things difficult.
Well, you don’t have to worry. A bit of anxiety is normal because you and your partner are still exploring life. If you feel that the anxiety is increasing and the above signs are noticeably there, here are 5 ways to stop being anxious in a new relationship
1. Go with the flow
If you really want to save your relationship from getting ruined because of your anxiety, take control of your emotions and let things happen the way they are happening. It would take weeks or even months for you to stop thinking about it but gradually, you’ll get used to it.
Don’t worry about the relationship going through a difficult phase. If it’s meant to be, it will be. Trust the universe and your partner, if your partner loves you unconditionally, you will both shine after this phase.
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2. Start accepting yourself
It is okay to smell a certain way or look a certain way. Everybody gets pimples and blemishes on their face. Everybody has bodily hair. You need to understand that in a relationship that wants to pass the long-term test, both partners have to accept one another with their flaws.
The sooner you tell them, the better it will be. If your partner is into you, he/she will not have a problem accepting such natural things or even bigger things. Stop worrying about it and start loving yourself for who you are. Self loving is the key.
3. Talk to your partner about it
Communication is the key, as only that can let your partner know about your anxiety and help you deal with your relationship doubts.
Remember, a partner in need is a partner indeed. A partner is a friend first. Your partner will probably, be able to help you more than anyone else. He/she will help you face your fears and work with them systematically.
4. Start diverting yourself
There’s no other way of getting out of the feeling of anxiety except diverting yourself. Listen to soothing music, talk to a friend, go for a walk or do a hobby, anything that can help you get your mind off these thoughts can be done.
The more you think about it, the more it is going to hurt you. Diverting your own mind is the best way to deal with it. Don’t allow yourself time to think about your relationship.
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5. Start building your self-esteem
It is very important for a person who is going through some kind of anxiety, to maintain self-esteem. The lack of confidence is a common symptom in anxious people and that is what pulls you down. To get over relationship anxiety you need to start working on your confidence level.
Do things you are good at. Let people appreciate you. Make sure you start loving yourself and look at yourself in the eye. Tell yourself, ‘It is okay to feel this way.’
You might wonder if it is normal to have anxiety in a new relationship and can your relationship be ruined because of your anxiety? The answer is YES and NO. Yes, it is completely normal to feel anxious in a new relationship. In fact, almost everyone feels it. Just make sure it doesn’t affect your mental health too much. Don’t confuse nervousness with anxiety.
NO, your relationship will not get ruined because of it because if you are in a serious relationship where your partner truly loves you and is into you as much you are into them, then they will understand what you are going through and try to soothe your anxiety.
For your part, do all of that is mentioned above and always remember, the solution is love. Give yourself enough love and all will be fine.
Every person has early relationship anxiety thinking if they are doing everything right, if there is a future to the relationship and things like that. But if this anxiety becomes overpowering it is not normal.
It is said you get comfortable even physically on the third date but it actually takes three months to put your guards down and show your vulnerability in a new relationship.
You first need to relax in the relationship and go with the flow. Ditch your insecurity and talk to your partner about how you feel and try to divert yourself to hobbies and friends to get over the early relationship anxiety.
Falling in love does cause anxiety. If you look at our facts about love then you will see in the early stages of a relationship people do feel a certain level of stress. Research shows people show higher cortisol levels when they fall in love showing it creates some kind of anxiety.