Breakups bring with them pain, trauma, and distrust in the entire dating process where people start hating the entire opposite sex for the actions of one. Days seem endless long filled with eyes brimming with tears at the drop of the hat. Every little thing reminds you of your sweetheart and you despise songs and cute movies and the love expressions of your friends seem like a jab in your heart. Breakups are very lonely, you want to isolate yourself but don’t it when you are alone and you also don’t want to be with others because they are so damn happy! While having friends and family at such a time may help in coping with the emotional outbursts, there are ways you can help yourself even for those hours that you spend just by yourself. We will help you deal with this very difficult process of a breakup even when your friends and family are busy and you are left to your own device to nurse your hurting heart.
We, humans, are herd creatures, we want people around us, we want romantic alliances and committed long-term relationships. We need people to shower love and care on and we ourselves need to be loved and cared for. And when we have had that beautiful relationship with someone and then it goes south we feel completely lost and dejected. Dealing with the pain and trauma of heartbreak is no cakewalk and the happiest people on earth go into a deep depression if they feel they have been rejected by someone they loved. Scientific evidence suggests that suffering from a broken heart is even worse than physical pain. Some people after a breakup suffer from a total lack of interest in life and become irritable and depressed. They may also start suffering from physical health issues. One client who sought our counselling services complained of severe acidity and a reduced appetite which started reflecting in other health conditions. His immunity became compromised and he started getting common cough and cold, even stomach disorders. Those who have family and friends by their side are lucky, as they receive constant support to get over a breakup through love and affection. For others we will handhold you through this difficult process and remember while it is not easy to nurse your heart back, it is definitely not impossible. In fact with the right intervention, and will power you can achieve this faster totally by yourself.
It might feel bitter in the beginning, but as you progress day by day, your experiences will be very positive, leaving you better than the day before. You will be more in control of your life, your emotions and your reactions.
Don’t believe us? Let us explore how going through a breakup alone can make you stronger than before and perhaps even inspire others to learn a thing or two from you.
How To Get Through The Breakup Of A Long-Term Relationship?
Long-term relationships follow a pattern where both partners become integral to each other’s life. Amit, a client shared about how ‘she was the first person he wished good morning to and the last to say good night. And now his phone just looked at him and he did not know what to do with the Whatsapp application anymore.’ Couples become a habit with each other and not having that routine is very destabilizing. Breakup hits them hits like a storm especially if they are the ones who have been rejected by their partner.
Here is a story of a person who was dumped by his girlfriend after she told him he was ugly. Moving-on after staying with a person for years in a committed relationship is a tough situation to be in. We understand the pain of heartbreak especially once you have invested a lot of time and energy in the relationship. You were dreaming of a future with the person, maybe kids and a home, perhaps the two of you even spoke about the kind of car you would buy or how many kids you would have and to be alone with those memories can be very distressing. We request you not to get depressed or overwhelmed from the pain of it. Where there is a will, there is away. You will find a way to get over the breakup even if you are alone, with no one to provide you with emotional support.
Related Reading: How To Respond To A Breakup Text
Accept the truth, that the relationship is over as soon as you can is the first step towards healing. Often times, this denial is the root cause of misery, triggering you to call the ex-partner or even stalking them on social media. If the ex has already moved on then the constant images of them happy and living life can be extremely searing to the heart. To move on with your new life, accept the truth that the relationship has lived its life.
Learn to love yourself. So far, you have loved the significant other and prioritised him/her over others, now nurse your wounded soul. Remember the dialogue ‘main apni favorite hoon’? Become your own favourite! Try journaling as an outlet for your feelings, you can even give it a name and then your journal can be the person you share your inner turmoil with. Yes, there will be endless tears, searing pain but then there is always healing from that pain. Funny thing, once your heart realizes the relationship is over, it starts taking steps to heal itself. There is always light at the end of the tunnel.
Related reading: 12 signs you regret breaking up and should give another chance
How To Get Over A Breakup When You Still Love Each Other?
Getting over someone you still love needs closure. Understand that love alone will not be enough to ensure long-term compatibility. Think about the reasons why the two of you were not good together, what were the macro issues that kept creating hassles. Did the two of you have different values in life? Was it about ego clashes? Did you want different things from life? Was one liberal and the other conservative? One interesting thing about long-term relationships is that they introduce you to the good and the bad side of your partner. So, whether you were dumped, or are dumping your boyfriend or girlfriend, understand that separation could be the only way to end an incompatible or toxic relationship. Maybe the two of you were good for each other, but the timing was off? Maybe he/she could not understand your setbacks or challenges, perhaps you couldn’t understand theirs? If a relationship is not working out despite your best efforts, taking the call to quit is right.
How To Survive A Breakup When You Have No Friends
You may moved cities and have no close friends to help you deal with this crisis. There is a pattern that when people have romantic relationships they invest little less in their friendships. If you are stuck in such a case and are lonely you can get them on Skype or Whatsapp or any other video conferencing system and maybe decide to open a bottle of wine each and pour your heart out. This can help you deal with the loneliness. Try and make new friends in the city. Trying out new gyms, taking up new sport or hobbies can be some avenues you can explore. But the most important and sure-shot way is to become your own best friend? This is a great time also to start practicing self-loving. Every little thing helps. Getting a release will help you feel better about the situation you are in. Go on a ‘Date with yourself.’ Make yourself feel special by doing what you want. Pamper yourself, and fall in love with ‘you’ once again.
Related reading: Hope You Are Not Doing These 10 Funny Things After a Breakup…
Try following your passion or a hobby; learn a new skill which will give a boost and get those much needed feel-good endorphins flowing. Something as trivial as a bunch of fresh flowers can lift your mood too or ordering your favourite perfume online. Book yourself an appointment at your favourite salon and pamper yourself. If you look good, you are bound to feel good. You can take a short course on meditation too, to calm your inner turmoil. This would have a more soothing effect than having friends around you. It is possible to get over a breakup without friends. Alternatively working out really helps release pent-up energy. This is the story of a girl who got a new boyfriend in her fitness craze.
Use this time to build a better understanding of your motivations, desires, and expectations. Surround yourself with things that you love.
It is best not to spend too much time indoors. Go out, even if for a short walk to your local park or the neigbourhood. It will cheer you up; watching the squirrels chase each other, seeing the dogs play, watching nature can all be fun and soothing. You will see there is more to life than just a relationship breakup. Volunteer for a cause you identify with, make a collection of your favourite moves and share the list, take up a new sport. Only you know what you want in this world. Use this awareness while handling a breakup.
10 Tips To Survive A Breakup All Alone Without Friends
So, now you know that surviving a breakup alone is not that difficult. Getting through this pain without anyone to depend on requires Just a little shift of perspective is needed to emerge stronger than ever post-split. Here are the 10 tips to survive a breakup all alone.
- Love yourself: Make gratitude a part of life and whenever negative thoughts churn your soul, try to repeat positive self-affirmations. These help a great deal in shifting the negative outlook to positive. Listen to some cheerful songs. Remember, breakups are a temporary phase, and self-love will help you overcome this pain. You don’t need friends to get over a breakup
- Acknowledge your positive attributes: A relationship didn’t work due to numerous factors. Instead of doubting your capabilities, remind yourself of all the achievements and good things. This will instil a feel-good factor in you and help you survive and handle the rejection better
- Identify your talents: You may feel like you are depressed and unable to move on, but that is not the case. This will remind you of your remarkable abilities and inspire you to channel the creative outlet for your hidden potential. Good at cooking, can dance like a pro, sketch wonderfully, or blessed with a great fashion sense? All acknowledge your due worth
- Keep yourself occupied: After identifying what activities make you happy, dedicate your time to them. Staying busy goes a long way in keeping all negative emotions at bay. Do not let this breakup affect your work life. Find things that you enjoy, and keep yourself busy. This will be a great distraction and help you heal from within
- Enjoy the firsts in life: Men and women react differently to breakups, but they have the same sense on their first! All of us have things in our minds that we wanted to do, but could not find either time or the will to do. Be it singing on karaoke nights or performing at Open Mikes, try out new things when you have been through a breakup. Who knows, this could be a new beginning for your flourishing talent
- Travel and get over with the breakup: Do something new and adventurous, something that will make you feel good about yourself. Try skydiving or scuba diving and learn about the blessing called life. Travel a bit to find a new perspective
- Get engaged with community service: Try volunteering for a cause, and allocate a few hours a week for it. You may spend time with elders, children or pet organisations. Their company is the perfect way to heal breakup alone. The realisation that your pain is less than theirs will help you recover from heartbreak
- Exercise and sweat out your negative energy: What better than using the time at hand to exercise for a fitter body and a relaxed mind? Exercising is known to affect the brain positively, by boosting the supply of oxygen and stimulating the growth of new cells. Exercising also increases the production of serotonin. The neurotransmitter can boost both your mental and physical health. Now that’s a steal, isn’t it?
- Surround yourself with positivity: Steer clear of people who have a negative approach to life and are pessimistic. Surround yourself with people who have positive vibes, and let yourself be lifted by them. Take up meditation to calm your negative energy and increase you’re well being
- Remember, there is hope: Don’t give up on hope. Give time for your soul to heal. Love will again knock the doors. Just wait for the right time before you start dating again after a breakup
Related Reading: How To Move On After A Breakup If We Work In The Same Office?
How to not feel lonely after a breakup?
Staying strong after a breakup is one of the biggest challenges one faces in this situation. Not to feel lonely is in our hands, provided we take charge of the situation and commit to it. Don’t just keep ruminating and beating yourself over ‘Why Me’, no good can come with it. Instead, take the approach ‘Now Me’ and focus on pursuing your dreams! Take up a related skill based on what you want to do in life, take help from a mentor or guide. Become someone’s guide in things you are an expert on. Read books, volunteer for an NGO, join new courses. Head on to a favourite restaurant and order your choice of dish. Watch the latest movie. In short, make yourself busy.
There are many fun things to do after a breakup, which will make you feel less depressed. Once you start enjoying these activities, the pain will slowly subside. Spending time like this shifts the focus from destructive thinking and makes you feel positive about life and its opportunities.
Related reading: Why Do Breakups Hit Guys Later?
The way you approach loneliness after a breakup makes all the difference. Instead of suffering, use it as an opportunity to reconnect with your soul. Call it timeout with yourself, where you sit and reflect and take steps to understand and grow. This shift in perspective will go a long way in helping you deal not only with moving on from your breakup but will also help you understand and work towards your dreams. If you have any lonely breakup coping mechanisms, then do share it on our Bonobology blogs. Let your post-split healing help others too.