Love is simply not enough to maintain a peaceful and happy marital relationship – a foundation of mutual respect is equally, or perhaps, even more important. A disrespectful spouse can disturb the healthy dynamics of a relationship. He may claim that he loves you and you know he does, but if he does not respect you, he does not deserve you. We receive many queries on disrespectful relationships (the ones without respect) and in many eventually the partner feeling slighted ends up thinking about divorce and in some goes through with it. Remember every couple will have arguments and fights, but sorting the differences respectfully is the only way to save your relationship. Check for the signs, if he disrespects you in this video here.
What Is Respect and Why Is It Important In A Relationship?
Respect in a relationship does not mean not having differences, it means listening to the other person and their point of view even if you do not agree with them and then state your thoughts on it. It means understanding each other in such a way that the differences of opinions do not disrupt the healthy flow of conversation in the relationship. Both partners should understand even if not appreciate the other’s perspective and not impose what one thinks is right. And then decide on the course of action based on a mutual decision. This is the secret of happy, successful relationships.
13 Signs He Disrespects You And Does Not Deserve You
When your boyfriend/husband shows you respect, you will feel treasured, important and dignified. However, if your man disrespects you, then you will feel the exact opposite. Here are 13 signs and if you identify with them please know that he does not respect you and definitely does not deserve you. It can be a suffocating experience to be with someone who thinks nothing of you and is controlling in nature. A relationship marked with disrespect soon turns abusive. Once convinced, you can decide for yourself whether you want to keep swallowing your pride and continue the relationship or take measures on how to address the situation whether it is about making sure he changes his ways or by walking out of the relationship.
Related reading: Second Marriage Problem: There is Communication Gap and Disrespect
1. You doubt your potential because of him
Instead of being confident in what you do or say, you keep doubting your potential. This is because your boyfriend or husband has instilled that doubt in you by making you feel inherently incompetent. He disregards your thoughts and opinions constantly to the point you start thinking they have no merit. You keep questioning your sensibilities, dreams, your future, and your life choices all day long. This is definitely a sign that your partner is not supportive and probably disrespects you.
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2. He seems distracted when you talk to him
Whenever you are in a conversation with him you give him your entire attention, and you expect him to extend the same courtesy, you naturally expect .him to pay attention to you. But if you notice that he often seems distracted when you talk to him then it is an issue. He may look through his phone as he is talking to you, or have that far-away look in his eyes which tells you that in his head he is somewhere else. Getting your husband to listen to you seems like a mammoth task because you have to nag him for his attention and then he shows disinterest in you because you are nagging him! This is downright disrespectful behaviour.
3. Your boyfriend does not keep his promises
One big disrespectful trait in any relationship is when the man does not make any efforts to keep his promises and disappoints you repeatedly. He will keep forgetting things that are important to you, and even when you speak of them, he will not bother much. Maybe he will promise to call you and then conveniently forget about it or may even text you cancelling dates. All this is enough to give you the signal that you cannot depend on him and you are probably not that important in his life. At times they speak about you to others in an unhealthy manner and if this happens you need to address that firmly. One of our experts advised on how to curb this behaviour here.
4. He makes fun of your professional goals and dreams
No matter how absurd and weird your dreams and profession are, your partner is supposed to encourage you. If your man is making fun of your career and goals in life, then he is being selfish and has no right to judge you. He is disrespecting you by not valuing your vocation. We got a story of a person who claimed to love her and yet was very blatantly open about wanting to hook up with others.
Related Reading: My boyfriend appears emotionally detached to me
5. You hardly have any personal space and time
If he surprises you, once in a while by visiting your workplace or when you are out with friends, it is okay. But if he does this way too often know that this is a way of keeping tabs on you. And this can be something that you should think about seriously. He is probably stalking you because he feels insecure. Your man might not respect you enough to trust you and give you your personal space and time. This is a sign that he disrespects you.
6. He exhibits narcissistic tendencies
His desires, needs and wishes take top priority in his life and he is willing to do all in his power to ensure that his wants are fulfilled first. He is the center of his universe and he does not bother about your wants and needs going unmet. Your partner thinks of himself as supreme and considers you to be inferior to him. Living with a narcissistic spouse can screw your happiness and peace in no time. Based on the number of queries we got for a narcissistic spouse we create this piece on how to divorce a narcissistic spouse.
7. Your boyfriend does not apologise
When it comes to apologizing to you for his mistakes, it is a strict no-no. He will not bend and offer an apology. He does not admit his mistakes and probably explains to you how his mistake too is your fault. We received a query in which the wife wrote to us that her husband blamed her for his ill-temper even as he hit her saying that made him mad enough to make him hit her. At times to avoid any criticism from your side, he will keep making lame excuses to convince you that he is not wrong. Either ways you will never get him to admit even if he is completely in the wrong and he knows that he is.
Related Reading:My boyfriend takes everything I say negatively, what do I do?
8. He becomes super secretive around you
In a relationship, both partners must remain honest with one another. This the recipe for a healthy and a lasting relationship. But if you find your boyfriend keeping secrets from you and perhaps even lying to you, then it is a sign of disrespect and you must delve deeper into what is really behind it. Lying, in any case, cannot be about something good or helpful but you will at least know about the source which will help you plan your response accordingly. Our expert Aman Bhonsle shared this piece about what his clients bring to him most in their therapy.
9. You are forced to transform yourself
Making smaller changes in your life to ensure compatibility with your man is a good thing to do. On the other hand, transforming yourself completely and forgetting who you are as a person just to please your partner is something serious. As time passes you will detest him for turning you into what you are. Also even if you do understand about how difficult loving someone unconditionally is, you do also know that a certain about of love means letting the person be. To acknowledge the person doesn’t value you and to still put up with it day after day is also degrading yourself in the eyes of people you love. There are things not worth compromising on and you must at least know if you are compromising your soul.
10. He looks down on you in front of other people
As a partner, he should make sure that your good qualities and positive attitude are highlighted, he should praise you for your achievements and efforts. Every partner has grievances with their partners but if your partner makes it a point to share that among his friends and in the process makes you look stupid and does this often then you should sit back and reflect on. We got a story where the boyfriend constantly felt embarrassed about his girlfriend, according to him she was always either too loud or just did not speak up, too fat or one who did not have proper restaurant etiquettes, too hippie-like or sulky. Whatever her mood he always found being around her embarrassing and made no bones about telling her the same.
11. There is a lack of commitment from his side
There are many signs which indicate a lack of commitment. He will stonewall you when there is an issue, he will promise and keep going back on it, even when you try and tell him to speak of the things that are important to you, he will take them lightly. When your relationship goes through a tough phase he will be far less inclined to fix it than you are and will wait for your anger or persistence to die so that he does not have to make any changes. it other words it is called ‘waiting it out’. This is a sure sign of a lack of commitment. It simply means the relationship is not his priority. you will know that while you are giving your 100%, he is not even giving 10%. The onus of making the relationship work smoothly is totally on you. There are other signs of a commitment-phobic too here.
Related Reading: Why I have different boyfriends for different needs
12. Your boyfriend does not hesitate to give the silent treatment to you
Giving you silent treatment means not respecting you enough to share with you the cause of his resentment and to allow you to clear the misunderstanding. Even if he sees you seething in helplessness trying to figure out and resolve what he is upset about he will not sit and have a conversation. By exhibiting this disrespectful man behaviour, he tries to manipulate and control you according to his wishes.
13. He flirts with others in front of you
You should get the hint that your man does not respect you truly when he flirts with other females in front of you. Even if he jokingly mentions being attracted to someone else, you must know that it is impolite and your feelings probably do not matter to him as much. We had a client who had told her husband repeatedly how hurtful it is and he none the less went ahead with his behaviour. It was only when she threatened to leave him and take the kid that he sat down and took some notice. They also found out that he did this a lot more when he was drinking and they addressed that issue as well.
Why do men disrespect women?
First, let us not assume that all men disrespect women, as that will be our biggest mistake and sometimes circumstances are such that men might unintentionally disrespect women. Now after this clarification, we can give a snippet of the reasons which prompt disrespectful behaviour in a man towards a woman.
- Those men who have issues of self-esteem and who think they are superior to others end up disrespecting females
- Some may have suffered at the hands of a mother, ex-girlfriend or a lady in their lives, because of which they fail to respect other women
- There are some men who might have never been in a relationship and do not genuinely know how to deal with women, so it seems as though they are disrespecting them
If you are in a relationship with a man who falls in any of these categories, then you must be aware of the signs of disrespect that your partner might exhibit, so that you can tackle the situation accordingly.
If you are facing disrespect in your relationship, then talk about it with your partner. If he willingly listens to you and agrees to improve himself, then there are chances of saving your relationship. However, if he becomes defensive and disregards your concern, then he does not deserve you and you must be prepared to move on. Be in a relationship with someone who respects who you are, encourages you to become a better human being and deserves you, and not with someone who controls and inhibits your growth.