Break-up & Loss

8 ways we stalk our exes

Out of sight is out of mind, but does technology help us nowadays? Are we still stalking our exes with help of technology and more?
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Making sure the ex misses us

As ex-lovers, we have an innate need to feel vindicated by finding out that our ex is miserable without us. In an effort to fill this need, we make use of all resources, including technology, to stalk our exes. As much as you want to get over him/her, the ‘out of sight, out of mind’ technique does not really work well, because of the following eight ways in which we stalk our exes.

Related reading: 90% of young people today are involved with their exes

1. Social media

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Social media stalking at some point becomes addictive. After I broke up, I was checking the updates of my ex throughout the day. It had become an obsession for me. I was checking his Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter, etc. every now and then. As much as I wanted to forget about him, social media channels did not help me much to accomplish this. Finally, one fine day, I asked my friend to change the passwords of my Facebook and Twitter accounts and asked her not to share them with me. It has been more than 6 years now that I am not on Facebook any more. As for Twitter, I had to resume for work related tasks. Social media sites become your foes when you want to get your mind off your ex.

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2. WhatsApp

Block him/her and then unblock them to check the last time they were seen online, and checking out their status updates does not help much in forgetting your ex lover. After having quit social media for the longest period of time, I always kept stalking him through WhatsApp. Checking his profile picture and sometimes even messaging him and then deleting it, made it all the more worse. It reached an extent where I finally deleted his number from my phonebook and luckily enough, I do not know it by heart.

Related reading: Don’t text your ex – Messaging is the easiest trap to fall into!

3. Common friends

If you have common friends, then you are surely going to get invited to social gatherings where even he/she is there. While we have the choice to not show up, our inner voices shout out to us to go and find out how he/she looks now after the breakup and if they have come to the party with a new date. You want to stalk them and also judge their new plus one, if any.

4. Keep in touch with his/her folks

My best friend, Abhijeet, with whom I studied in London, was dating a Bulgarian girl. After graduation, she even came to India and stayed with his family for a brief period of 3 months. While the family was aware of their relationship, they were contemplating whether to continue or not. She decided that she was not going to invest more time into a relationship which did not have a future. However, she kept in touch with his parents and would regularly Skype them. Abhijeet was not very comfortable with this, because his parents were forcing him to take a decision quickly about getting married to her. She was stalking him in the most innovative yet creepy way possible.

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5. Setting your routine to match theirs

Preeti is a runner. She used to run on the hillocks (called “tekadi” in Marathi) of Pune in the evening, where often her ex would be seen. She started going to the tekadi at times when he would go for his jog. Often she would find him there, but she would pretend that she had not seen him and continue running with her earphones plugged in.

Related reading:I sent in my resignation because I couldn’t bear to be next to him any more

6. Relocate wherever he/she does

Manjeet was dating a girl in Pune for 6 months and then they decided to split. The girl moved to Bangalore. A few months later, Manjeet resigned from his job in Pune to relocate to Bangalore. When I asked him about his decision to relocate he said that he wanted to be sure that there couldn’t be a future with her even after breaking up, by finding out if she was happy or miserable without him. As if stalking on social media was not enough that he even decided to move from him reasonably comfortable life in Pune only to start everything from scratch in a new city.

7. Mystery calling

This one is a little amusing as well as creepy. Sayali and Vishvesh broke up after a long relationship of 2 years. Sayali could not resist and hence would have her friends give him calls and put the call on speaker only to hear his voice. She would often make judgements from the tone of his voice if he was happy, sad or indifferent.

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8. Creating a fake profile online

I have seen some lovers go to an extent of creating fake profiles on Facebook and add their exes as friends to keep track of their life’s happenings. Often you’ll see people create profiles of the opposite gender to divert suspicion.

To detach yourself from an old lover is not easy any longer. If you are not completely over him/her yet, you want to find out if your ex needs you in their life. It gives a sense of pleasure in a very sadist way to know if they have not moved on yet.
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