Here Are the 10 Personal Commandments of Our Marriage

Our Unspoken Rules: The Foundation of Harmony in Our Home

Working On the Marriage | | , Author
Updated On: July 23, 2024
Personal Commandments of Our Marriage
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Cousin S informed us that he would be in the city for work and would be joining us for dinner that night. Normally, this is a happy occasion, but this time I groaned. This means I would have to break my silence, which I had adopted as a non-violent protest in the house because the spouse and children turn deaf when in front of the television.

I was compelled to break the silence because house rules state that we will not fight in front of a guest. Just like Sheldon’s roommate/girlfriend-boyfriend agreement in the Bing Bang Theory Series, our household has its own set of agreements. However, we are not as detailed as Sheldon and our agreements are unwritten, verbal, and learned over a period as our marriage grew older and we became wiser.

We have the following tacit commandments.

riti and husband
Riti with her husband

10 Personal Commandments of Our Marriage

In every marriage, some unique rules and agreements help maintain harmony and understanding between partners. Over the years, we’ve developed our own set of unspoken commandments that have strengthened our bond and enriched our relationship. Here are the ten personal commandments that guide our marriage and ensure we navigate life’s ups and downs together with love and respect.

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1. Thou Shall Give Each Other Space

  • Respect personal boundaries: Acknowledge and honor your partner’s need for personal time and space.
  • Encourage solo activities: Promote and support hobbies or interests that your partner enjoys doing alone.
  • Schedule alone time: Plan specific times for each partner to have their own space without interruptions.
  • Understand the value of solitude: Recognize that spending time alone can help reduce stress and improve mental well-being.
  • Communicate openly about needs: Discuss and agree upon the amount of alone time each partner needs to feel balanced.
  • Avoid taking it personally: Understand that needing space is not a sign of disinterest or relationship problems.
  • Support social interactions: Encourage your partner to spend time with friends and family independently.
  • Balance togetherness and individuality: Strive to find a healthy balance between spending time together and apart.
  • Practice patience and understanding: Be patient and understanding when your partner needs time alone, even if it is unexpected.
  • Create personal spaces: Establish physical areas in the home where each partner can retreat for solitude.

2. Thou Shall Not Quarrel in Front of Guests and Children

You can debate, but not to the level of hostile argument. Stop and park the argument which you might want to pick up later. Oh, and we learned that we must not quarrel in front of the children and neither must we ask them to pick sides. The children once commented, if Daddy and Mamma are friends, why do they fight so much? They did not buy the argument that we are fighting for fun and their solemn verdict that they fight for real made us realize that there are no grey areas in the minds of the children as far as raised voices and intense arguments are concerned.

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3. Thou Shall Support Each Other in Front of Others

To be honest, we have our fair share of good-natured teasing; however, we are never disrespectful of the other. We do not bring up private issues or money matters when in the company. We tease each other regarding laptop and phone addiction (his) and nagging habit (mine) but in a light-hearted manner.

4. Thou Shall Never Assume That Communication Was Clear

I learned this the hard way, that no, we are not connected telepathically. We do not finish each other’s sentences and we are not intuitive about each other at all. Hence, we tend to repeat and reconfirm our instructions until we know the other party is certain of what the intended communication was. When the husband sent a text asking a question, I replied with a ‘Y’ thinking he would understand that I meant Yes (Y/N choice). But he thought I asked him ‘Why?’ and he did not perform the task, thinking I sent him the question, “Why do you want to do that?” Enough said.

5. Thou Shall Share Household Duties

With time, we have settled into a task allocation system depending upon areas with which we are comfortable. I pay the sundry bills; the husband takes care of the gadgets and the cars. I organise the parties and the husband manages the bar and the guests. For grey areas, I have a well-designed nagging program, which never fails to get the men of the house to complete the tasks assigned to them.

6. Thou Shall Share Children-Related Duties

We have our set areas of competence, which we execute without being asked. The husband is the timekeeper. He gets the children ready for school and takes care of their sports activities, whereas I do the homework and studies.

7. Thou Shall Lower Expectations When It Comes to Each Other

We have agreed upon an extremely lucrative no-gift policy, so we have no expectations from each other. We do not believe that gifts are a measure of love. We believe in un-birthday presents, as per Lewis Carroll’s Alice in Wonderland. Simply put, one gets birthday presents only once a year, whereas the un-birthday present can be received several times a year.

Related Reading: Friendship In Marriage Strengthens Couple’s Bond

8. Thou Shall Not Think Less of the Other Person

We are comfortable in front of the other when displaying our limitations, lack of knowledge or understanding. We believe that the scope of learning is infinite and we often use each other as a quick source of knowledge, rather than pretending to know everything.

9. Thou shall honor a commitment made by the spouse even if it is unexciting

We usually check with each other before committing, but in the event we have not, we try as much as possible to honor it. Of course, there are occasions when it is not possible to fall in line and therefore it calls for negotiation.

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10. Thou Shall Respect Each Other’s Choices

The spouse is the religious one and I question everything that is not logical. However, I have learned to not question his faith and he has learned to not push me into following his footsteps to the several temples he visits. Over time, we have learned to respect each other’s choices in the big and small stuff, including food preferences, diet plans, music choices, and leisure activities.

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Readers Comments On “Here Are the 10 Personal Commandments of Our Marriage”

  1. Good ones!

    Good marriages don’t just happen. It is not just because you married the right person and got lucky. Good marriages are built on more than passion. They are built on principle.

    Setting some ground rules and principles is very important in a relationship!

    We must take these tips for a healthy relationship!

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