My fantasy sexual life

A virgin, never been kissed before with a double identity

Paromita Bardoloi | Posted on 19 Dec 2016
Time to read: 3 min
The Other Side of Me | Bonobology

(Names changed to protect privacy)

I had a great childhood. I went to one of the best colleges in India, a co-ed college in Delhi. I made friends. But all the boys then were just good friends. In my heart I did want a boyfriend, but life was always full with friends. But yes, every guy that I met even outside college was also a friend.

As I boarded my flight to the USA to do my MBA in finance, I still remember how I thought I’d be in a relationship when I returned. MBA was all assignments and hard work and attending lectures. After that I worked in a bank for two years. I was 25. I decided to come back to India. I had a lucrative offer with a leading bank.

And for the first time, being single started to bother me slightly.

The thing is that our society tells us to avoid guys. Or, how to say no to a guy. But no one ever taught us how to deal with being single or approach a guy you like, or how to be together with a guy in a healthy relationship. I knew how to get away from the wrong ones, but I had no idea how to get with the right ones.

My career was the only thing that didn’t fail me. I was travelling the world. Promotions came almost every year. And by 29, I was the youngest VP of our bank in South East Asia. Nothing stopped me.

My brother married his childhood sweetheart. My parents started worrying about me. My father, who would celebrate every good thing in our lives, would be less and less enthusiastic about any professional success. He is not a sexist; he wanted me to find a partner.

When I hit 30, the arranged marriage proposals started drying up and few men matched my place and position. I felt pressure to talk about an affair or a breakup at least. So, I created an ex-boyfriend in the USA, an MBA classmate. And then I said that Karan, my college friend, was my boyfriend and we grew apart when I left for the USA. He is such a good friend; he would kill me if he ever found out.

But with time, the desperation started growing. I bought my own flat, had a great car, but was forever single. Many women want to be single, on their own. I always wanted a partner.

And I started having sexual needs too. A virgin, I’d never been kissed. I even started fantasising about my colleagues and friends. Sex seemed to be on my mind most of the time, sometimes even when I was giving presentations to some of the biggest financial heads in the world.

So, I logged into all those chat sites where you could log in without an email ID. Where people hardly wrote a proper sentence in English. I created a fake Gmail ID, and took a new SIM card. And I started having a lot of phone sex. I always checked for married men, because all they were looking for was fun outside their marriage, or I chose boys much younger. I never ever sent them my photos or identity. I acted as a mother of a 7-year-old, living in Mumbai, married to a businessman. I acted bored and shy. I told them that my husband was possessive, so I wouldn’t be available all the time. It took away my sexual tension. I was calmer and could focus on my work. I also stopped fantasising about my colleagues and friends. Most of those affairs never went beyond a few months. I blocked their numbers afterwards.

Then one day I met Ashok. I never felt like that ever before. We connected from the first meeting. We had that knowing each other forever feeling. In 3 months I was engaged. My parents almost cried with joy. Ashok was a management graduate, but took over his father’s business. My father was relieved that I found an equal and did not have to compromise on anything.

I got married in February 2016. I married someone I fell in love with, like I always wanted. After I met Ashok, I broke that SIM. I deleted my fake email ID. I never went back to that world. But I often wonder, what if I meet one of them some day? How would I react? I knew their real identity. They did not know mine.

(As told to Paromita Bardoloi)

 

Views:5.73k
Comments : 2

Malini: What we are taught is to be away from the wrong ones, we are not taught to be ok with the right ones.. or actually even know that there is a right one lurking in close proximity.. well written, especially the ending. Element of suspense and intrigue, this could be continued. What if she met one of those people as she knew their identity. Good one.

Sawmya: This writeup has raised an important point of women sexuality. Usually people (especially indians) find it immoral or something impossible to think that women have got sexual desires sometimes only sex. If a women crave for sex even before marriage, then she is labelled as a prostitute immoral. Thers nothing wrong in what u did. U r now a happy married wife. Enjoy that process have beautiful life have kids. If u meet someperson someday ...... just b normal as if u r cing them for the first time. And i think with the course of time....by leading a happy married life u will forget all the secrets

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