20 things women do that kill their marriages

Kanika Sharma
blaming others in your marriage doesn't help

A marriage is like a seesaw. It may have ups and downs, but the trust, balance and faith between the partners keeps this game going successfully. In a real-life scenario, both husband and wife are equally responsible for the upkeep, longevity, and quality of a marriage. But many times, when one of the spouses falters from their route, it causes great damage to a marriage and creates marital discord. If this phase goes on for a long time, it creates irreconcilable differences and problems in their life. Life becomes suffering for both partners and at times, the last resort is nothing but divorce. To avoid that, here is a checklist on top 20 things women do that ruin their marriages.

20 Things that women do to ruin their marriages

    1. Riding on pride: The silent killer of relationships, pride erodes the trust, faith, and love in a marriage. A woman who harbours ego in her marriage becomes self-sufficient, arrogant and independent. This creates a clash with the concept of mutual dependence in a marriage. So, if a woman is exhibiting pride, she is denying her husband quality of life and her involvement in marriage becomes negligible eventually. She isolates her husband and is no longer able to empathise with his struggles, hurt and pain

pride can ruin your marriage                                  Image: Pinterest.com

    1.  Not nourishing the spousal bond: At times, a lady knowingly or unknowingly ignores her husband’s physical needs and denies him sex, resulting in bedroom tension. Men need to connect with their spouse physically and denying this physical intimacy for a prolonged time creates an irreparable rift and ruins the marriage, eventually. Sometimes, men start to look for intimacy outside marriage, resulting in an extra marital affair
    2. Blame games: Undermining the husband and blaming him for all the wrong-doings in a marriage can destroy the bond based on love and harmony. If you disagree with his choices and decisions, then present your opinions in a constructive and respectful way. Remember, he is the man of the house and he deserves the honour. As a human, he may make a mistake, but accepting it and taking it in your stride helps nurture a conjugal bond
    3. Sarcasm: Sarcasm might seem interesting and hilarious in social gatherings. But exhibiting your killer wit while interacting with your spouse reflects that you are harsh on him for no reason or fault of his. Seen those nagging wives who leave no way to irritate their spouse with constant bickering and comments? This affects the husband’s behaviour badly, where he either just keeps quiet or withdraws from mutual interactions. This problem may even inspire them to seek a positive and healing company in an extramarital affair
    4. Clashes on criticism: Constant criticism by either spouse corrodes a marriage. When a woman belittles her husband and constantly finds fault in him, she is actually attacking his confidence and self-respect, which is poisonous for the sustainability of a marriage. Instead, use the words as a healing balm to soothe, encourage and inspire your husband. This even counts as marital abuse 
    5. Disturbing his family dynamics: A woman’s entry to her husband’s house may create a lot of changes in his family equation. If she constantly bickers with his first circle, including mother, father, and siblings, this can create an unwanted rift in the family. Many times, husbands don’t take this negative attitude lightly and this objection can result in gruesome fights between you. If you are not happy with certain things in his house, better talk to him in a constructive way, rather than bitching against his family
    6. Putting others before him: Well, we agree that a woman has to play a multifaceted role in a marriage. Many times, taking care of in-laws and kids with great dedication may make a husband feel he is being ignored in a marriage. This is a caustic influence for both of you, which has the potential to ruin a marriage. Ideally, a woman must try to balance between her spouse and family dynamics. Remember, a husband is much before anyone else. So, keeping this in mind will help a woman save her marriage from any potential ruin
    7. Playing the victim card: Many women use this tact to turn the situation in their favour. To prove their point in adverse situations or just to win an argument, women emotionally manipulate the situation, create a drama and shift the entire blame on him in front of family and friends. This mistake is toxic to marital health and well-being

                                          Image: Pinterest.com

    1. Harbouring bitterness: If a woman harbours hurt in her heart, this may affect the marriage adversely. As humans, we are prone to make mistakes. If a husband has done something hurtful to you or your family, confront his actions. Don’t just internalise the hurt and grudges in life. This would mar your relationship emotionally and could potentially damage the marriage
    2. Suffer from unrealistic expectations: A marriage is not a fairy tale where there will be a ‘happily ever after’. It involves a lot of hard work and sacrifice to make it long lasting. If a woman is suffering from unrealistic expectations, this will create constant rifts between the couple and eventually, the marriage will suffer
    3. Taking spouse for granted: Many women take their husbands for granted, making them feel unappreciated for their efforts. If he gives some of his inputs for the family’s well-being, try to acknowledge and appreciate his views instead of ignoring them. Doing this regularly will strengthen the marriage and prevent any potential lapses
    4. Exploiting him financially: If a husband is the only earning member of the family, a woman at times financially exploits him by splurging out of budget. She gives in to the temptation of splurging on online shopping and cosmetics, leaving the family budget in jeopardy. Continuing this pattern for a longer time exposes a marriage to a bigger financial mess
    5. Comparing your relationship to others: Many times, women look at others’ plates and see what’s missing in their life. This is the biggest mistake they ever make in their life. Jealousy, lack of contentment and looking for something more damages the marriage in the most toxic way. Each couple relationship is unique in its own right and yours is one among them. Cherish those imperfections and enjoy your marital bond
    6. Expecting perfection: Expectation is the root cause of our problems. We expect too much only to be disheartened later on. Women have the tendency to place their husbands as a perfect epitome of romance and passion. When they don’t fit this image, this creates a setback in her heart and emotionally affects her completely. We all have our share of flaws and your husband is also one among them. Avoid setting high standards for him being Mr. Perfect for you and see how your couple life transforms
    7. Becoming a selfish spouse: A marriage is more about ‘we’ than ‘me’. But many times, women ignore this equation and reflect selfish attitude. Sharing her woes and ignoring his troubles every time is a kind of toxic behaviour every woman should avoid for the longevity of her relationship
    8. Not appreciating him enough: Appreciating your spouse is one of the important and beneficial things for your marriage. It’s important to show your husband how much you appreciate him. At times, a woman becomes cold and distant to her husband and doesn’t appreciate his worth in their family life, which blocks him emotionally. Eventually, he may detach himself from the family life and may opt for a painful separation
  1.  Not giving him space: Though we agree that a marriage mostly thrives on ‘we’ time, there are many instances where your husband needs some time alone. You might have separate interests. Maybe he prefers a speedy ride with friends, and you like to snuggle in the bed with books. Time apart is actually a good thing where both the partners can explore their separate interests and activities and come back refreshed in a relationship. We have seen that there are many ladies who irritate their husbands with constant calls when they are with friends. Interfering and disturbing his quality time, commenting that you are sharing him with his friends creates an irreparable rift among both the partners
  2. Repeating the same mistakes: Humans have the tendency to learn from the mistakes and improve their future decisions. But many times, women end up repeating the same mistakes, leaving their husbands annoyed on a continuous basis. This pattern is lethal for a marriage’s health and well-being
  3. Lack of time: A career-oriented woman may complain she has no time for her husband. But this could be another venomous influence on a marriage. If she has opted to choose both family life and career together, she must align both the goals and let her husband not feel ignored due to her busy schedules and demanding deadlines. Making time for each other is of prime importance for a couple
  4. Fail to hear him: You need to be a better listener to be a great communicator with your spouse. Sometimes, a woman fails to hear him out when he is in his most vulnerable phase. Blocking his views may hinder your connection with him and create an irreconcilable rift between your marriage

No marriage is perfect; it is up to the partners to step in and work towards its improvement at every phase of life. Our Bonobology experts always advocate the importance of wisdom, patience, and understanding in the couple relationships. We hope that this checklist helps many Indian women work on their flaws and contribute to the quality of their marriage.

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Priya September 10, 2019 - 10:17 pm

This post screams sexism. Ironically the author is a woman herself

Hh March 29, 2019 - 3:42 pm

Write in fairness to both side of the marriage. Don’t attack the ladies.

Dawn Marie Broyles III February 5, 2018 - 4:01 am

Sorry for the typos, my smart phone has been glitching out.

Dawn Marie Broyles III February 5, 2018 - 3:59 am

WhY about the things men do that kill a marriage. Men also do things that kill a marriage. Remember it takes two to make a relationship work and two to throw it off into a ditch. It’s not always the women that do things that run a marriage and this seems like women bashing and making like women are the only ones who destroy a marriage.

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