12 Things Women Do That Destroy Marriages

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Things Women Do That Destroy Marriages

A healthy marriage comprises two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other. It’s a lifelong partnership. However, there are a few subtle things that destroy marriages. It could be either the husband’s or the wife’s fault because, in a marriage, it is critically important that both partners find where the problem lies, take responsibility if one spouse has faltered, and solve the little things that can easily be solved.

Today we will look at all the things that wives do that have the potential to cause relationship problems. If left unchecked these behavior patterns can become the undoing of a marriage, driving spouses apart. So, what are these women-centric behavior patterns that can cause a marriage to fall apart, and what can you do to avoid them? We answer these questions for you, but first, let’s examine the ones that can become a reason for divorce. 

Common Reasons For Divorce

According to a recent study, the divorce rate in the United States is very high. This includes people from all age groups and all economic groups, but statistically, the number of divorces among younger couples has decreased. On the contrary, the divorce rate among older people (50 years and older) continues to rise rapidly.

Over the past 20 years, the divorce rate among older people has doubled. The divorce rate among people over 65 years is rising even faster. Every couple has its own dynamics. Things can go wrong for a variety of reasons. But there are a few common reasons that are deal breakers and result in failing marriages. These include:

1. Infidelity 

Infidelity is one of the most painful experiences one can go through. It ruins marriages and it is very difficult to recover from. According to statistics, infidelity is a risk factor among married couples. Among ever-married adults who have cheated on their spouses before, 40% are currently divorced or separated. By comparison, only 17% of adults who were faithful to their spouse are no longer married. 

Related Reading: 7 Reasons You Feel Uneasy In Your Relationship And 3 Things You Can Do

2. Incompatibility 

Marriages are complicated because it comprises two people who have different ideologies, opinions, and mindsets. When these ideologies and perspectives constantly clash with one another, it can be challenging to find a way to co-exist. If you find signs of incompatibility in your relationship, you can’t do anything to change the other person’s way of thinking. But you can learn to celebrate the differences. 

3. A lack of support

Support is one of the building blocks of marriage – be it emotional support, logistical support, or even financial support. And this support can’t be one-sided. You can’t expect your husband to support you while you neglect to support him. A supportive partner is honestly one of the best things about marriage. 

4. Alcoholism and substance abuse

Alcoholism and substance abuse lead to a lot of sudden mood swings, paranoia, and secretive behavior. According to research done at the University of Buffalo, it was found that heavy drinking, alcohol problems, and alcohol use disorders are all associated with lower marital satisfaction. In fact, alcohol and substance abuse are among the most common reasons for divorce. 

5. Domestic abuse 

Women aren’t the only ones who face abuse. Men also go through domestic violence. It’s not just physical abuse. They can also be a victim of gaslighting, manipulation, being forced into sex, and control of their own finances being snatched from them.  

12 Things Women Do That Destroys Marriages 

There could be infinite reasons behind the most common marriage problems that two spouses face. But what are some typical things women do to ruin relationships? Let’s find out:

1. Keeping secrets 

Keeping secrets is a big marriage crisis as it is known to be a breeding ground for dishonesty and betrayal. It’s, in fact, a form of deceit. When you keep something a secret for a long time, it becomes harder to confront and tell the truth. It’s one of the things that ruin relationships.

Here are some reasons why keeping secrets is one of the initial stages of a dying marriage:

  • It prevents from forming an emotional connection
  • It breeds mistrust
  • It leads to a lack of communication 

Related Reading: 8 Signs You Are Losing Yourself In A Relationship And 5 Steps To Find Yourself Again

2. Pride is one of the things that destroys marriages 

Pride is a silent killer of relationships. It erodes the trust, faith, and love that one spouse has for another in a marriage. A woman who harbors ego in her marriage takes the need to be self-sufficient and independent too far and turns it into an arrogant dismissal of her partner’s support. This clashes with the concept of mutual dependence in a marriage and may lead to a toxic relationship.

Speaking of how pride affects a healthy marriage, a Reddit user says, “Pride stops honest and open communication, which is the thing that can save a relationship. If a partner feels hurt and is prideful, they won’t openly acknowledge their faults nor will they fully accept the apologies of the other.” 

3. Constant belittling and berating

When you are unhappy in a relationship, you find flaws in everything your partner does. Constant criticism by either spouse can hurt the other deeply. When a woman belittles her husband and constantly finds fault in him, she is actually attacking his confidence and self-esteem, which is poisonous for the sustainability of a healthy marriage.

This criticism creates cracks and it is a kind of emotional abuse that may cause irreparable damage. Never criticize your spouse to the point where they begin questioning if this marriage is even worth it.

4. Having unrealistic expectations destroys marriages

A healthy marriage requires hard work, support, trust, compromise, and at times even sacrifice to make it work. When you have unrealistic expectations in a relationship from your partner, it burdens them. This is one of the things husbands are scared of.

They want to do everything they can to make you happy. But when they don’t meet your level of expectations, then whose fault is that? Definitely not theirs. Marriages fail every day because of this little problem. You need to set your expectations realistically if you want to feel comfortable and happy in the marriage.

5. Taking your husband for granted

Many women take their husbands for granted, making them feel as if they aren’t appreciated and that all the good things that they are bringing into this marriage aren’t being acknowledged. This is one of the little things that will destroy a marriage. 

Imagine being on the receiving end of your own behavior. You put on a nice dress and get ready. Your husband doesn’t pay any attention. How will that make you feel? Definitely not good. Imagine cooking an elaborate meal for him and hearing him complain about what’s not right about the way you’ve cooked it. Marriage requires equal contribution for both spouses. Start appreciating your husband if you want him with you in the long run.

Related Reading: 17 Signs A Marriage Cannot Be Saved

6. Exploiting your partner financially

If a husband is the only earning member of the family, a woman may end up financially exploiting him by splurging out of budget. She gives in to her temptations and puts the family budget in jeopardy. If this pattern continues unchecked, it can expose a marriage to bigger marriage problems.

Financial issues are common in every marriage. But financial infidelity is one of the serious types of infidelity where one partner lies, steals and hides money from the other partner. Such monetary indiscretions on a woman’s part can damage the bond she shares with her spouse.   

7. Comparing your marriage to other marriages

Comparison is a poison that destroys marriages. Very often, one spouse looks at others and sees what’s missing in their life. This is the biggest mistake they ever make in their life and is one of the things that kills marriage. Jealousy, lack of contentment, and looking for something more than they have are some of the reasons why marriages fail.

You will be unhappy in a relationship when you keep comparing your life with those who flaunt their relationship on social media. Don’t fall for this trap of believing that everything you see on Instagram is real. Each couple’s relationship is unique and so is yours. Cherish those imperfections and enjoy your marital bond. 

things that destroy marriages
Comparing your marriage with other marriages can cause conflicts

8. Controlling your partner will destroy your marriage

Marriages thrive when there is a team spirit between partners. It’s more about “we” than “me”. But there are times when wives ignore this equation and act selfishly. When a person is operating from a place of selfishness, they may want the other to act in a way that aligns with their interests. As a result, they may start trying to control their husband. 

The fact remains that you can’t control anyone. It’s emotional abuse when a spouse feels like they are being controlled or manipulated. Some of the signs of a controlling woman are:

  • She thinks she is always right
  • She keeps playing the victim card
  • She is obsessive, jealous, and has a foul temper
  • Always invades your privacy

9. Sexual problems

A lack of sexual intimacy is one of the things husbands despise in a marriage. They want to be sexually engaged with you to build a deeper bond. A sexless marriage can make a husband have an extramarital affair. Some of the common sexual intimacy problems in a marriage include:

  • Not having sex often
  • Not willing to experiment in bed
  • Wives not initiating sex ever
  • Not being fully present in the moment during sex

10. Not putting each other first

You need to prioritize your partner once you are married to them. You are each other’s better halves. You can’t spend time with each other just because you are married to them. You should WANT to spend quality time with them because you love them. This is one of the biggest priorities in a relationship. It doesn’t mean that you have to ditch your friends to be with your husband or make him the sole focus of your life.

A healthy marriage is all about maintaining a healthy balance with your friends, family, children, career, and husband. But your spouse should know that you’ve got their back, just the way they’ve got yours. When the circumstances require, you choose to be by your husband’s side without a second thought. 

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11. Withholding affection 

When a marriage begins, you are loving and affectionate all the time. Once the honeymoon phase fades, the can’t-keep-hands-off vibe may be replaced with constant bickering and arguments. As you settle into a rhythm with your spouse and find your comfort zone with them, you may no longer need overt gestures to express your love and expression. 

However, in a healthy dynamic, these emotions are still expressed and experienced by both partners, albeit in more subtle ways. On the other hand, when you withhold affection after a conflict or after they did something to hurt you, it is a subtle form of control. It’s one of the signs of a controlling wife if she uses her affection and love to get her way every single time. 

Related Reading: Scary Love: 13 Types Of Love Phobias You Never Knew About

12. Giving ultimatums destroys a marriage

When you threaten your partner that if they don’t act or behave a certain way, you will leave them, your relationship isn’t rooted in love but marred by emotional abuse. This crisis in marriage can be dangerous and will make your partner feel trapped in a marriage.

How To Reconnect With Your Spouse

Could you relate to these habits and behavior patterns that can destroy a marriage? We can imagine how unnerving that must have been for you. Don’t lose heart. If there are things that can destroy a relationship, then there are things that can help you save the marriage and reconnect with your spouse again. Here are a few you can try: 

1. Be each other’s cheerleader 

Share your successes and celebrate even small wins. More than that, share your failures. Whether they accomplish a short-term goal or fail to, your spouse should know that you will be right next to them, cheering them on or supporting them. Have one another’s backs. Treat their wins and losses as your own. 

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2. Fix communication problems

Communication issues are nothing peculiar. But when you leave them unaddressed for a long time, they fester into huge roadblocks that can be hard to get past. It’s important you learn to sit and talk about your issues before bad communication becomes one of the reasons for the failure of your marriage. 

3. Show gratitude 

If they do something for you, no matter how big or small, be thankful. Tell them you are grateful to have them in your life. Men also like to be complimented, acknowledged, and appreciated. 

4. Go on dates

Spending quality time together will be beneficial in reconnecting with your spouse. Engage in sweet gestures, write a love letter to your husband, or take him on a picnic. It’s always the little things that make one’s heart swoon. 

5. Try to spice things in the bedroom 

Sexual intimacy is crucial for keeping your partner happy and content. Try roleplay, new positions, and sex toys. Sex plays a role in increasing intimacy between partners. It boosts the emotional and physical well-being of men and women alike.

Key Pointers

  • Constant criticism and belittling of your partner can destroy a marriage
  • Infidelity and domestic abuse are one of the major reasons for divorce in today’s times
  • Don’t take your spouse for granted and be each other’s cheerleaders

There’s no big secret to a happy marriage. It’s all about how you consciously choose to treat your partner. You need to respect them, their values, their boundaries, and their opinions. You need to forgive and let go of little things instead of holding grudges. 

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Readers Comments On “12 Things Women Do That Destroy Marriages”

  1. Beautifully written article! It really sheds light on “a lot” of the things I see happening in my marriage right now! Obviously, women are offended when reading it because it hits so close to home.
    Right now, I feel educated, but left hanging without solutions. Can you do a follow-up article with resolutions for each issue?

  2. Dawn Marie Broyles III

    WhY about the things men do that kill a marriage. Men also do things that kill a marriage. Remember it takes two to make a relationship work and two to throw it off into a ditch. It’s not always the women that do things that run a marriage and this seems like women bashing and making like women are the only ones who destroy a marriage.

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