You might have been madly in love and always thought this relationship is for keeps but then one fine day you start realising that things are falling apart. You could be reeling from the blow of your relationship going kaput but there are ways to move on and find happiness all over again.
Around the end of winter and just before spring begins, there’s a time when trees look rather weird. There’s a bit of green left on them, and yet the floors are covered in yellow, brown leaves. A heap of them. A picture of fall, before the spring.
This is also how relationships look at times. At the first glance they might seem healthy and covered in green leaves, but when you look underneath, you’ll find a heap of dry leaves, saying something else. In no time you are left thinking how to move on after a heartbreak.
5 Ways To Move On After A Heartbreak
When you find yourself in a broken relationship, and finally start noticing the cracks, you are faced with the task of moving on. We all know that this isn’t an easy task. Breakups are hard, but this knowledge doesn’t help one bit when you’re actually going through one.
If you’ve been in an intense, passionate, loving relationship, it feels like your identity has merged with your partner’s. You’ve been someone’s girlfriend, or boyfriend, or spouse, or partner. You’ve been someone’s soulmate and suddenly you find that it’s not a role you get to play anymore and it can make life feel meaningless. It’s really hard to walk away and start afresh.
Going through this time can be awful, but trust me when I say this – it does get better. You might feel at the moment that all the colours are either too bright or too dull in your life, like you’ll never appreciate music again, but over a period of time, you certainly will. You’ll have to learn to find meaning again. We will tell you five ways to move on and find happiness all over again.
1. Ways to move on – Feel the grief
You ask any professional, any expert, anyone who’s gone through this and you’ll come up with this one top advice – Let. Yourself. Grieve. Mourn the loss of your love. Mourn the fact that you don’t get to hold them close anymore. Mourn the loss of what you used to feel for them.
While doing so, do not feel guilty if you feel free. Letting go is not easy but it is possible. Grieve the fact that your relationship, which you were supposed to get love from ended up caging you.
You’re not meant to be caged, you’re meant to be loved and if you didn’t get that in a relationship and you feel sad allow yourself to feel so. Process the grief in your mind and heart and take your time to do so. This will help you to move on.
2. Mourn the relationship
After death there is a period of mourning. You are given the time to come to terms with the fact that you will never see your loved one again. The same applies for the death of a relationship. It’s hard to accept the fact that the relationship does not exist anymore and you will not be able to reach out to the person you love, even if they are physically present. You need to mourn, then only you will be able to let go.
If you were the one who had to walk out, or made a mistake, or were left behind, mourn that too. If you don’t feel anything but are feeling guilty for it, realise that you’re judging yourself for not handling this the way you’ve been ‘told’ by the society to handle, and tell that judgment to take a walk.
You can grieve for as long as you need, but do it only for yourself. If you want to do cartwheels because you escaped an abusive relationship, do the damn cartwheels. Your emotions, no matter what they are, are valid and deserve expression. As long as you’re not hurting anyone in the process you are allowed to express your emotions.
3. Opt for counselling
There’s too much stigma and not enough real conversations about mental health. While we are way too busy talking about social media trends and apocalyptic politics, we don’t think talking about mental health is important. The stigma is causing an underground epidemic and we need to talk more about how to address these things. You don’t have to suffer you can always opt for online counselling.
Trauma from the end of a relationship, the disillusionment, all of it can be too overwhelming sometimes and you might have to go see a therapist. There’s nothing wrong in doing so and you shouldn’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
If you have people in your life who are judging you for going to therapy, take a break from them. If they don’t know how to support you through your pain, you don’t need to be take their criticism either.
You might read every self-help book you can find, meditate, do yoga, hang out with your friends, see a fortune teller, go on a detox diet, go to an ashram and cross the street to walk in the sunshine, these efforts might not always be enough when dealing with a breakup. Everyone who’s tried to help you might be coming out of a place of love but they are not trained to do so.
Related Reading: How Do Indian Men Overcome Breakups?
Psychiatrists and psychologists are. Thus, if you feel like you’re not happy, please get help from one of these trained professionals. Just talking to them can be helpful, and you can insist on not taking medication if you don’t want to. Just counselling and other forms of therapy have proven to be beneficial to a wide range of people and you might be one of them.
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4. Ways to move on – Love Yourself
If you are thinking of how to move on and be happy, loving yourself is a good idea. If you already love yourself you’re sorted and you don’t need to read this point (though a refresher’s course never hurt anyone!). For the rest of you this may sound a little too self-help-like, but hear me out.
There’s enough research that proves that people begin to like themselves better when they are in love. They tend to take care of themselves and appreciate themselves more when they are with someone.
When you have broken up and are trying to find meaning in your life without your partner, you need to realise that all the things that they loved about you weren’t there because they loved you, they were inherent.
All the charming qualities that you have has always existed. Your ex just witnessed them, curated them and brought them to your attention. Why would you not appreciate them even without having a partner to witness them?
5. Go on a solo trip
Maybe you are the kind who has never travelled solo and feel pretty intimidated by the idea also. But let us tell you that if you are looking for ways to move on from your heartbreak taking a solo trip will be a revelation.
Travelling solo you will rediscover yourself, will get to spend time with yourself and you will be ultimately in a happy place. Don’t keep going back to old memories of travel with your partner when you plan your solo trip. Go to a place you have never gone before and ensure it is a whole new experience.
This will work to convince you that the meaning behind your ability to love and be loved hasn’t gone away with your ex. This can be radical when trying to move on. Imagine suddenly realising that you’re not just the big lump of sadness that you’d been feeling but this amazing person who was loving and lovable? These are healthy ways to move on.
Maybe not immediately but eventually when you are feeling less sore, you can start loving yourself and find that you are moving on, finding meaning even without the other person’s existence, because you’re giving meaning to yourself. And on that day, spring will have arrived. And you would have found successful ways to move on from a heartbreak and find happiness all over again .