The painful truth of relationships is that sometimes they don’t last. And the joyful truth is that it is alright. Long-distance relationship can build or break a long-term relationship. You might be crazy about one another but the relationship on an overall doesn’t go well. You will see signs of a long-distance relationship not working, and you may need to take the call to let go of it. Ending a long-distance relationship with someone you love can be heart breaking, but there are times when end is the only beginning.
I remember when one of my exes broke up a three-year relationship via phone call. Furious and plotting vengeance, I ghosted him blaming him for being cruel. It was only when I had to break up with someone that I realized I have been immature about my past break-ups. I said stuff like “I don’t feel attracted to you anymore” which led to some awful stuff being said about me and intense name calling. Ending a long-distance relationship with someone you love might make you feel guilty but isn’t it alright to just let go of something that just isn’t working out instead of being terrible to each other before calling it quits?
When to let go of a long-distance relationship?
Most of the long-distance relationships I have seen usually fizzles out over time. They start with a lot of excitement initially, you know, the thrill of packing bags and going on dates that feel a first time for a long time!
Long distance relationships, however, are not for everyone. Being away from each other for longer periods of time can get exhausting and emotionally draining. One of you or both of you build up a life of your own in different places. The theory of out of sight, out of mind is one of the red signs that a long-distance relationship is not working. And that’s fine.
The theory of out of sight, out of mind is one of the red signs that a long-distance relationship is not working.
Letting go of a long-distance relationship results in a healthier self (for yourself and your partner). It takes time to process that you are no longer in a relationship and you can take time to grieve. With the right self-help and help from friends, it is easier to understand that letting go of an unhappy relationship is a nudge to a happy life.Give yourself time to be happy.
Related reading: Long-Distance Marriage: I am going Crazy Without My Husband
10 signs you need let go of a long-distance relationship
Just like any other relationship, long distance relationships too start to show signs of petering out. There are some very plausible, very definite signs a long-distance relationship isn’t working. For instance, if you have to convince yourself time and again that the relationship will work out, this might be a sign. If you don’t understand your partner anymore and they feel so distant and a whole new person altogether, that might be a sign. If the relationship feels more forced than natural, heads up, you are walking towards the end.
LDRs can be tough. But of if you are hanging in the middle with no clue, these are signs that you might relate to.
1. No calls for days
A generation connected by social media and wireless cellular, this one might be the beginning of an end. Communication forms the essence of every relationship. Maybe you spent hours on the phone with each other earlier but suddenly, it is not like before. You can spend days without talking to each other. And when you do, you do not need to talk for long to catch up on everything about each other’s lives.
2. No plans for a future rendezvous
Remember how you planned to meet at least once every two months? The excitement of how you will plan these precious days out? The excitement of packing the bags, choosing the destination and all the eagerness to be with each other! Now, the two has turned into six and no plans have been made by either of you to meet up.
3. No physical intimacy
Intimacy is the backbone of a relationship – you feel connected because you share with each other something that you don’t share with anyone else. We hear about how to keep the romance alive while doing long distance. Frequent video calls, sexting, more video calls to keep the romance and intimacy alive in a long distance relationship. When a relationship is dying down, regular passion goes right out of the window.
4. Constant fights
When everything your partner does irritates you or vice versa, it is a huge sign a long-distance relationship isn’t working. Little things have the potential to annoy you both. Every phone call turns into mini bursts of frequent fights. You might not even call back (or get a phone call back) even when you disconnect in anger. Fizzling out? I think so.
5. Not appreciative enough
You might exchange gifts or leap through hoops to get a proper 10-minute conversation with your long-distance partner but you do not get appreciated enough. They do not show interest in you making time for them. You feel like you are crossing oceans for people who don’t even jump a puddle for you.
6. Starting to feel one-sided
One of the most common trademarks of your long-distance relationship heading towards the finish line is this. The relationship starts to feel one-sided. Whether it’s you putting in the maximum effort or it’s your partner doing the hard work. You may feel like you are always chasing your partner. Long distance is a two-way street; you have to go all the way each time to make it work. Meeting someone in the middle just for the sake of it does not last too long.
7. Falling behind personally
LDR takes time and effort. If you start to lose yourself in the process of getting the relationship to work, if you miss deadlines massively, an important email gets unchecked, it is about time to let go of it. The people in the relationship have to grow together. Personal goals, future prospect/career are to be cherished. Falling behind on them might be a reason to break off.
8. A lot of emotional baggage in the relationship
Gaslighting, feelings of guilt are constantly by your side. You feel the relationship is taking a toll on your mind and heart. You feel suffocated in the relationship. You do not feel romantically aligned and are mostly gross. You are basically not sure where the relationship is going and whether you need to let go of your long-distance relationship or hold onto it. Not answering calls, ghosting your partner seems better than having another conversation.
Related reading: 15 benefits of long distance relationships
9. Gut feeling
You feel the distance makes it harder to convey your feelings. You question the validity of your relationship. Something just does not feel right, something is always missing. Perhaps it wasn’t like this always, but now your intuition is that it is failing, failing beyond repair. You want to say that everything will be fine but your gut feeling spells doom.
10. Relationship has become toxic
Both of you might agree to this. You or both of you feel that the relationship has become toxic, ruining your schedule, peace of mind and sleep at night. You may feel that your personal goals are being left out because of your long-distance relationship demands. You feel like you have to push aside a lot of yourself to make this relationship work – and it is already giving you panic attacks. It’s better to let go of a relationship than be in a toxic one.
LDR takes a lot of time, effort and empathy. Open communication is key and understanding your partner’s perspectives, are important. But if you feel that it is not working out, it would be okay to let go of a long-distance relationship.