Every couple goes through a rough patch, but what’s important is that you’re able to distinguish a bad phase or an argument with when it’s time to break up. Elongated periods of miscommunication or an inability to trust the person anymore are all signs it’s time to break up, and ignoring them will only cause more problems.
Sometimes a relationship seems ideal from the outside: you may be a perfect match with similar goals and opinions, but in spite of that, things don’t always work out. Have an honest conversation with yourself and think about whether you will ever be able to rekindle your connection. If not, then you know it’s time to break up.
When We Know It’s Time To Break Up
A lot of the times there’s no concrete reason people break up. People may not understand that relationships can end for reasons other than abuse or something equally drastic, that growing apart or wanting different things can also be a cause for a mutual break up.
So do you know when it’s time to break up? Does a feeling come from within? Well one thing’s for sure — you know when things start feeling different and when your heart’s not in it anymore, the question is, do you acknowledge these emotions or do you cage them deep within your heart for no one, including yourself, to hear?
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We were beyond compatible
Have you ever pondered how a relationship, even if it does not exist any longer, nourished you, your heart, your life? I have. I was in a romantic relationship with a friend for a year. We’d been close friends for several years before that, but never did anything about it because our career paths were so different and we weren’t sure where that was going to take us.
We shared a deep connection, initially as friends. He had a brilliant sense of humor. Being with him was joyous. For the first time I felt I was wholeheartedly into a relationship. I loved what we shared, the openness, the energy, the conversations, the sexy, dirty text messages.
We shared stories, talked about what inspired us, what made us mad, and anything we were struggling with. We listened to each other intently, asked questions, supported each other, called each other when we heard a song play on the radio which we had danced to together, and even sang out loud to each other over the phone.
His qualities endeared me
Being with him, I learnt a lot. I learnt to be a partner and understood what it was like to have a partner. It intrigued me that he didn’t get perturbed easily. If someone said something to him that he didn’t like, if I got angry with him, or if he had a misunderstanding with a colleague at work, very rarely would he react impulsively.
He had an innate calmness and his immediate response would be to be silent; completely present and yet silent, as though he was saying, “I am right here, listening.” That was so powerful. It gave me a moment to breathe and calm down. He didn’t ask me to do that, but I could feel the power of that act in the moment.
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Another rare lovable thing was his ability to encourage me to let go of things he’d done that caused me pain or something I did which pissed him off, which strangely, he rarely pointed out. One day I was really mad at him and he’d already apologized about it several times.
He asked me calmly, “What can I do about it now? Should I beat myself? Tell me what I can do to make up for it. I will not do it again.” It brought me back to the moment. I could hear his helplessness in what he said, exactly what he’d wanted me to hear. There was nothing more then that he could do to better the situation; it couldn’t be undone. And I let it go.
The sex was amazing too
And there was so much passion in our lovemaking. What made it really beautiful was that we’d ask each other what worked for the other. Making love was such a satisfying experience, something both of us acknowledged. We’d talk while making love and ask the other if they liked it. I can’t think of making love in any other, better way.
If I wasn’t connected to him during such an intimate moment, I wouldn’t be able to totally be there, in the moment and with complete willingness. We had such a palpable spark, I often wondered, do we have a cosmic connection?
Once we made love blindfolded. It was pure joy. Later he asked me why I enjoyed it so much, and I said that I wanted to carry his memory in me through my sense of touch, since we wouldn’t be meeting each other for several months.
I remember the connection I felt with him in that moment; in the quietness of the room, and in the way we hurt and equally cherished what I said. I’d never imagined I would create something like that, but I didn’t create with intention. I didn’t think; it just came from a deeper place within me.
Nothing is as perfect as it seems
We couldn’t be together as a couple. He had to move cities and work on building his career, and I didn’t want to be the reason he chose not to take this step. The last few months were especially difficult for us because we knew what we had going was going to end soon. He and I had both discussed that an LDR wouldn’t work out because our professions required us to stay in our respective cities.
I knew he had to leave soon, that’s why I constantly asked him, “when is it time to break up?” I loved him a lot and didn’t want to give him up, but I knew breaking up on good terms is what I wanted rather than a messy fight.
For some reason, the constant reminder did serve as a blessing in disguise. Even though everything seemed perfect on the outside, my feelings for him began to fade: despite the amazing sex, our conversations began to lose their vigour and soon they became shorter and shorter. It was almost like the love and respect remained, but the spark disappeared.
I knew I wanted spark and romance in my relationships, so we parted ways mutually, though very painfully. How did we decide when to break up? We were happy, but the constant reminder of our impending separation became too much to live with, and we wanted to stop lying to ourselves. Another thing that helped was that we had been friends all through and often talked about how we really felt.
So when is it time to leave a relationship, and will there ever be a perfect opportunity? Yes and no. It depends on how connected you are with your emotions and your willingness to accept the situation. When all you can see is pain and heartbreak in the future of the relationship, then it’s time to break up.
When your heart’s not in the relationship anymore, you’ll know. It’s better to confront your emotions than avoid them, suppressing your feelings will only lead to more problems in the future.
When there’s no trust, no sense of companionship, and minimal communication. Let go when your partner is bringing you down instead of making you happy and confident.
Rip the band-aid off. You need to do what’s best for you, and if the relationship is getting in the way of something that’s important to you, you need to let go.