When Your Partner Finds Someone Else Attractive

Deepak Kashyap
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Is it normal to find others attractive while in a relationship? Counseling psychologist Deepak Kashyap says it is both normal and human. When you enter into a monogamous relationship, the commitment between partners is that they will not breach each other’s trust or cross the line of fidelity. ‘I will never find anyone attractive’ – that is not the commitment.

Given that 75% of partners cheat at some point or another, it is imperative to reflect on: Is having feelings for someone else cheating? As long as your partner is not acting on their attraction for someone else, why not let go of it as a normal – almost inevitable – human tendency.

The next time you are fretting over ‘my boyfriend is attracted to someone else, what should I do?’, ask yourself: have you never been in love and infatuation at the same time. Chances are your answer will be yes. If so, then grant your partner the same leeway.  

Yes, ‘my partner loves me but is attracted to someone else’ can be confusing to process. But being sexually attracted to someone else while being in a relationship does not amount to cheating as long as the person understands and respects the boundaries that have been established in a relationship.

Related Reading: I Am Attracted To Another Man And I Don’t Regret It

It all then boils down to one question: what to do if your partner is attracted to someone else? There are three key components of handling this situation: no shame, no blame and lots of communication.

It can undoubtedly be hurtful to realize that your partner is emotionally or sexually attracted to someone else. The way out of this conundrum is to contextualize the pain rather than generalize it as per the societal constructs or lofty romcom-peddled notions you have grown up with.

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