Counselling

Complicated relationship: I am in love but am I attracted to someone else?

She is in a relationship for three years but can't just get someone out of her mind
It's a complicated relationship because she loves someone and is attracted to someone else

I am presently in a very bad state of mind because I don’t know what is happening to me. I am in a relationship for nearly three years. He is not a bad guy only that he is really busy and cannot give me time.  It’s a complicated relationship. We don’t live in the same place so we meet very less.

It’s a complicated relationship and I met someone else…

Dear Madam,

I really don’t know what to do because I am confused about love. I met a guy at a family function (he is not a direct relative). I hardly know him. He hardly speaks to me. He is very handsome and I think I have started liking him. Now it could just be because he is good looking and I thought I could just dismiss it as a regular fling but I am not able to do that. This is because I am really disturbed to see his advances towards his ex (she was also there at the family do). It is evident that he is not over her yet and they are in regular touch. Also I don’t hate the girl (I am really not jealous). I felt he showed me some care. I don’t know if this is just brotherly affection for him. I had this feeling he was trying to suppress his feelings for me. There is no vague chance that he will ever contact me. But we can end up meeting again at some family do. So I just want to know how to move on from here? How to behave normally in his presence? Can you please tell me how to make sure that next time I see him he does not matter to me anymore? I wonder why I am bothering so much. Am I in love?

relationship counselling

Dear Girl -in-two minds

Are you in love or do you just want to be loved – by someone? You feel ignored by your present partner and not totally concentrated upon by the potential partner and hence the dilemma. Most of us face this dilemma. This is common. This makes us prone to feel attracted to anyone who pays us attention. We are all often confused in a relationship.

You are not in love

In fact, you are not in love with your present partner. You like the concept of being with someone. You are not in love with the potential partner either. If tomorrow someone else comes along and pays you any attention you will feel love for him as well. There is a difference between loving someone and being in love. Don’t get into a complicated relationship. You are very troubled and more than love, you are looking for peace. Finding a lover will not give you a solution.

Focus on your priorities

Peace is an inner feeling. Keeping everyone else out, this is the time to reflect on your life and priorities. Think of what you want to achieve and work towards it. Once you do this, the new man and his actions will not matter. Nor will your present partner’s ignorance for you. Then you can be more self assured and you will know who you want in your life. He will be the only person whose presence will matter to you and you will be happy around him.

Wish you all the best!

Joie Bose

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