What signs did you miss?
Finding out that your partner’s been unfaithful is devastating and often results in the end of a relationship. However, there are the odd ones out, who make it through the heartbreak and sail through the troubled water coming out through the other side, if not victorious, at least bandaged up. When a relationship is going through such a period of uncertainty, doubt becomes your constant companion and to reach a place of trust can be a long process. The doubt can make you feel a variety of things. Especially knowing that your partner already broke your trust once, it can get difficult to completely trust them again. It is impossible to be a hundred percent sure that your partner has stopped cheating on you and this doubt can keep resurfacing. Here are a few things you might notice or do to pacify that doubt.
Just ask your partner
More often than not, taking the bull by the horns is the best thing you can do. If the question is eating you alive, directly asking your partner might just be the best solution. How you ask is of importance here. If you do want your relationship to work out, lashing out and hurting each other can become a vicious circle and instead of sitting them down at the end of a long day with a cup of tea or a glass of something stronger might be a better way of broaching the topic. Honest and difficult conversations bring in the light on the darkness that doubts breeds; have them often.
Related reading: “We’re in lust, not love,” she said
They spend more time with you now
You might just notice physical signs of your partner’s faithfulness. As blunt as it may sound, having affairs is a time consuming and stressful process. If you see your partner spending more time at home with you, then it might by default mean that they aren’t cheating anymore. You can’t ever be a hundred percent sure, but this might be a sign.
No more mysteries
Another sign that your partner is not sneaking around any more is the lack of mystery in their schedule. They don’t have random “business trips” any more, they don’t sneak out of the room to have conversations, their phone doesn’t ring at odd hours, you don’t pick up the phone only to get blank calls any more. Cheating and sneaking around includes a lot of lying and deception, which in retrospect might seem obvious to you, but won’t always be noticeable in the moment. Knowing what you know now if you don’t see your partners behaving in those deceptive ways, then, like they told you, their affair might just be over.
Your partner makes you and your needs a priority again. When infidelity enters a relationship, it robs it of a lot of things, apart from trust and love. Infidelity also tends to make the priorities of the partners change. When recovering and redefining your love for each other, if you see your partner making your their priority again, then it might be a sign of them not cheating anymore. All these actions, of course, go hand in hand.
It checks out
When you found out about the infidelity, you must have realised that there were loopholes in the false narrative that your partner had given you. All the lies can be heart-breaking, and yet they can also be a blueprint you can use to identify whether your partner is cheating or not. The truth is, the broken trust may never heal completely, but if making sure that all the things they tell you are true is going to make it easier for you to trust again, then doing so without judgment is necessary.
The sex is back on track
Usually, when a person is cheating, they take away sexual and emotional intimacy from their partner. It’s ironic, considering they are giving it away to someone else by robbing you of it, but it is what it is, however unfortunate it might be. If you and your partner have reached a stage in the healing where you can be intimate again and if the intimacy doesn’t feel distant or forced any more, they might have stopped cheating. You see, no matter how easy it seems to cheat for a person, a voice in their brain points out the wrong things they are doing and it is this voice that tends to restrict them from giving you the intimacy if they are cheating. It’s a twisted way of punishing themselves by not being intimate with you since they think they don’t deserve your intimacy because they got it somewhere else. Once the healing process reaches a stage where this thought is gone, the sex does get back on track, and it can be looked on as a sign.
If they don’t start petty arguments
If the unnecessary arguments and criticism that often become the by-products of infidelity have gone away, it might be a sign that your partner isn’t cheating anymore.
They don’t have to be extra nice to you, the way most people are out of guilt when they are cheating; they just have to go back to being a normal person, one that is not conflicted and anxious because of the affair. This return to normalcy might be a sign that could keep your doubt at bay.
Staying with a person after they have cheated might seem like an insane idea to most people, but sometimes these relationships become stronger. They know they can survive the worst and therefore transform into better relationships.