What Is Not Cheating In A Relationship? These 10 Things

Finding out that your partner’s been unfaithful can be devastating and often cause irreparable damage to the relationship. Even so, a sizeable section of couples dealing with tries to reconcile after one of the partners has had an affair. Statistics suggest that infidelity is an underlying factor in about 20-40 percent of all divorces. Even if you make it through these troubled waters and survive an affair, there is a good chance you’ll always be on the lookout for signs of a cheating partner in a relationship.

However, just because your partner has slipped once doesn’t mean they will resort to infidelity repeatedly. Sometimes, even if our partner has been nothing but loyal, we tend to be suspicious of their intentions for no valid reason. That’s not fair! Right? Neither to you nor your partner. So, to put your mind at ease and help the process of healing yourself and your marriage, we are here to decode what is and what isn’t cheating in a relationship.

These 10 Are Not Signs Of A Cheating Partner In A Relationship

When a relationship is going through such a period of uncertainty, doubt becomes your constant companion, and reposing complete faith in your partner again can be a long process. Knowing that your partner broke your trust once can make it difficult for you to completely trust them again. Every late night at work, every alert on their phone, every work-related trip is bound to arouse your suspicion.

But for the sake of your sanity and the relationship you’re trying to salvage, you’ve got to break away from these tendencies. In the dilemma of cheating vs not cheating, knowing that these are not the signs of a cheating partner in a relationship can be just the reassurance you need to make a fresh start:

1. They are ready for honest conversations

Cheaters behave in a certain way after getting caught cheating. When a person has something to hide, they do their best to dodge uncomfortable questions. Worse still, they lash out when put in a spot. If your partner is now making an earnest effort to assuage your doubts and is ready to sit through difficult conversations, it is one of the key signs they are not lying to you anymore. You don’t have to feel guilty about broaching such topics for as long as it takes for you to believe them again.

2. They spend more time with you now

Pursuing affairs is time-consuming and one of the clear signs of a cheating partner in a relationship is your partner’s frequent absence. If you see your partner spending more time at home with you, then it is a positive indicator that they aren’t cheating anymore and have ended the affair.

Related Reading: 7 Cheating Spouse Text Message Codes

3. There are no more mysteries

Cheating involves a lot of lying and deception. You may not have noticed it when it was happening, but in retrospect, these tell-tale signs seem obvious. Knowing what you know now, a change in their schedule and behavior patterns is an encouraging indication that the affair might just be over for good. If you are wondering, “What is not cheating in a relationship?”, keep an eye out for these signs:

• Your partner does not sneak around anymore
• There are no mysterious gaps in their schedule
• They don’t go on random ‘business trips’ anymore
• Their phone doesn’t ring at odd hours and they’re completely okay with you answering their calls

4. Their priorities are in order

When infidelity enters a relationship, it robs it of a lot of things, apart from trust and love. Infidelity also makes a person’s priorities change. A partner prioritizing you to redefine your love for each other and reinstate trust in the relationship clearly resolves the ‘cheating vs not cheating’ conundrum. Here are the signs that their cheating days are behind them and they are completely devoted to building a healthy relationship with you:

• They check on you frequently about your feelings and emotional needs
• They would always loop you in while making plans
• They are more attentive than before and notice the little things
• They ask for and value your opinion in all decisions, big and small
• They invite you to meet their family and friends

Related Reading: How To Confront A Cheater – 11 Expert Tips

5. Their stories check out

When going through the process of healing after being cheated and trusting again, you may be overcome by the need to verify their stories from time to time. If their stories check out consistently you can rest assured that your partner is no longer cheating on you. In the long run, this can help rebuild trust in the relationship. At some point, you may no longer feel the need to cross-check every detail they give you.

6. Your sex life is back on track

Sexual and emotional intimacy in the relationship is the first to take a hit when one of the partners is cheating. No matter how easy it seems to cheat for a person, a voice in their head constantly tells them that they’re wronging their partner and so withdrawal from intimacy manifests as one of the classic signs of a cheating partner in a relationship. However, you can finally stop running between the thoughts of what is and what isn’t cheating if:

• You and your partner have reached a stage in the healing process where you can be intimate again
• The physical intimacy doesn’t feel distant or forced anymore
• They don’t try to overdo it to compensate for the betrayal and yet initiate intimacy very spontaneously
• They don’t feel shaky or nervous at your touch and respond in a wholesome way to your affection

Once the healing process reaches a stage where the awkwardness is gone and your sex life is flourishing again, you can rest easy and work toward strengthening your relationship further.

Related Reading: Understanding Post-Infidelity Stress Disorder – Signs and Recovery Tips

7. They are not guarding their phone 24×7

No matter how smart a cheating person tries to play, there is one behavioral pattern that’s extremely hard to suppress – a cheater’s overprotectiveness for their mobile phone. After all, one phone call or a text message revealed to their partner can make or break both the relationships they are so carefully trying to balance. And to maintain that status quo, their phone will get z-category security around the clock. If you notice a break in this pattern, you probably have nothing more to worry about:

• Your partner is casually leaving their phone on the bed when they are in the other room
• They are not receiving hundreds of messages from the same ‘Joe work’
• They won’t sneak out to the terrace to answer a call every time
• They don’t almost jump to snatch the phone from your hand if you take it just to order some food

8. Their words and actions match

Wondering what is not cheating in a relationship? Well, if your partner promises to pick you up from work and they actually do, they are, in all probability, invested in the relationship. If they make a commitment and then keep it, it’s a sign they are trying to win back your faith. In short, when your partner stops saying good things and making plans just for the sake of it and they start showing up at every date night, every doctor’s appointment, every visit to the grocery store, you can trust their motive.

9. They don’t start petty arguments

Unnecessary arguments and criticism are common byproducts of infidelity and cheating guilt. They are a person’s way of justifying their transgressions to themself. If such petty arguments have abated, you can check another box in the list of signs you should not worry about him/her cheating anymore. But remember,

• This doesn’t mean that they have to be extra nice to you or that you two will never argue again
• Once the affair has ended, the person just goes back to being their old self again – someone who is not conflicted and anxious
• This return to normalcy should help keep your doubts at bay

Related Reading: What To Do If You Suspect Your Husband Is Cheating But Have No Proof

10. Your presence makes them happy

Tell me how this sounds – you come back home from a two-day work trip and there they are, waiting for you with open arms, and a table full of your favorite meal. Their eyes sparkle the moment you enter. The wide grin on their face tells all about how happy and excited they are to see you. Well, it’s a sign — a clear one — you are the only one for them.

Signs Of Cheating

So far we have tried to protect your relationship from unnecessary suspicion, fights, and trust issues. At the same time, we don’t want to you turn a blind eye to the possibility of your partner having an affair under your nose and getting away with it. So, if your gut tells you something is not adding up, keep an eye out for the obvious signs of cheating:

• You have no idea about your partner’s whereabouts and they are barely available for you
• They are indifferent about you, your needs, and this relationship
• Your very presence seems to annoy them and it results in frequent bickering
• Suddenly there is a lack of transparency in financial matters
• They would barely initiate physical intimacy
• They become very defensive of the most regular questions you ask
• They would invest extra time and money in their appearance
• And goes without saying that they would be overprotective of their phone

Now that you know the color of grass on both sides, we hope you will be able to handle the situation with dignity and perfect balance. Don’t confront your partner with false allegations because that might make things even worse. But if the signs your partner is cheating are evident and it’s driving you crazy, perhaps you should have an honest conversation. Either way, we are always here rooting for you and your relationship.

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