• Affair & Cheating
    • Emotional Stress
    • Extra Marital Affairs
    • Infidelity
    • Office Affairs
  • Breakups & Scars
    • Break up & Loss
    • Divorced
    • Suffering & Healing
  • Single & Dating
    • Dating experience
    • Friendship
    • Love & Romance
    • One -Sided Love
    • Online Dating
    • Single Life
  • Married Life
    • Arranged Marriage
    • In-Laws
    • Loveless Marriage
    • Married Romance
    • New-Age Couples
    • Pregnancy and Kids
    • Second Marriage
    • Working On the Marriage
  • Hindi
    • In Hindi
    • Hindi Quotes
  • Relationship Experts
    • Relationship Counselling
    • Expert Speak
    • Live Chat with Experts
    • My Questions and Answers
    • Counsellors
  • Sex and Passion
    • Great Sex
    • Sexless Marriage
    • Spice It Up
  • Fun & Masti
    • Humour
    • Illustrations
    • Quiz
    • Quotes
    • Readers’ Corner
    • Relationship Memes
  • Trending
    • Trending Topics
    • Zodiac
    • Celeb Corner
  • Videos
    • Bollywood Special
    • For Singles
    • Handy tips
    • Relationship Videos
    • Romance
    • Relationship Advice
    • Sex and Passion
    • True Stories
  • More
    • Happy To Help
    • LGBTQ
    • Live-in & Open
    • User Blogs
    • Spirituality & Mythology
    • Women’s Issue
  • Confessions
    • Read Confessions
    • Confess Now
  • Login OR Register
Bonobology.com
Bonobology.com
  • Affair & Cheating
    • Emotional Stress
    • Extra Marital Affairs
    • Infidelity
    • Office Affairs
  • Breakups & Scars
    • Break up & Loss
    • Divorced
    • Suffering & Healing
  • Single & Dating
    • Dating experience
    • Friendship
    • Love & Romance
    • One -Sided Love
    • Online Dating
    • Single Life
  • Married Life
    • Arranged Marriage
    • In-Laws
    • Loveless Marriage
    • Married Romance
    • New-Age Couples
    • Pregnancy and Kids
    • Second Marriage
    • Working On the Marriage
  • Hindi
    • In Hindi
    • Hindi Quotes
  • Relationship Experts
    • Relationship Counselling
    • Expert Speak
    • Live Chat with Experts
    • My Questions and Answers
    • Counsellors
  • Sex and Passion
    • Great Sex
    • Sexless Marriage
    • Spice It Up
  • Fun & Masti
    • Humour
    • Illustrations
    • Quiz
    • Quotes
    • Readers’ Corner
    • Relationship Memes
  • Trending
    • Trending Topics
    • Zodiac
    • Celeb Corner
  • Videos
    • Bollywood Special
    • For Singles
    • Handy tips
    • Relationship Videos
    • Romance
    • Relationship Advice
    • Sex and Passion
    • True Stories
  • More
    • Happy To Help
    • LGBTQ
    • Live-in & Open
    • User Blogs
    • Spirituality & Mythology
    • Women’s Issue
  • Confessions
    • Read Confessions
    • Confess Now
Happy To Help

Why is space so crucial in a relationship?

Raksha Bharadia June 17, 2020
Raksha Bharadia June 17, 2020

When you persist they resist, when you resist they persist…

One challenge that perhaps all couples identify with is being on opposing ends of a point of view. It could range fromtrivia to fundamental, from dressing-up styles and where to eat-out on Sunday afternoons to how to discipline children or how much to spend on what. Couples constantly negotiate for a working balance, giving-in on one front, claiming ground on another; the power balance continually shifts, the individual’s take-away can be less or more, but the family’s larger interests are rarely compromised. The domestic machinery chugs along, years turn into decades and somewhere between the 25th and 50th anniversary couples begin to see back and are confident enough to laugh on and share about how two such different people as they did last to create all that they did. It was during one such celebration that the anniversary lady shared her story in front of a close crowd of family and friends. She was celebrating her 50th anniversary.

Related reading: Best wedding stories – collection of romantic stories

‘If I have to give you newly weds a mantra, (which for her was any of us married for a year to 40!) it would be this understanding, ‘when you persist, he will resist, and vice-versa where he persists, you will resist.’ When two people in coupledom find themselves at contradictory stands, their first response is to be further polarized. In order to get the other to agree to their viewpoint they unwittingly inflate the merits of their stance and de-merit the other’s. And in the same wave they minimize the negatives of their perspective and undervalue the other’s positives. Once they have repeated it enough, it becomes their truth. The other does the same. He not only resists the exaggeration with an exaggerated force but in turn overstates the value of his own, while devaluing the other’s standpoint. And thus for the two, the more they persist, the more they resist! Constantly, equally, with an escalating force…

giving space

‘space is extremely important’ Image Source

‘What if they were to pause for a moment and ask, ‘do they believe in their own hyperbole? Is it really their truth? Or perhaps they have come so far with it, that it has to be?

‘That is all that is needed. One question. ‘What if in trying to make my point I have distorted my own truth?’

Related reading: Take Me as I’am: The 8th Vow

The wise lady continued. ‘You know our brain is tricky in that sense. The more you say a certain thing, the more you will believe in it. The brain will carve out inroads in that very direction. The unfortunate thing is you may make something small actually big in your head and let it stay that way’.

What do you do? I asked.

‘Stop persisting.  Take a step back. Let the issue resume its original proportion. Get an understanding of your own sense regarding it, without the pressure of the need to have your partner conform to your point of view. For just a while, stop the acceleration…give space, take space.

I thought of a quote by Nietzsche, ‘The weight of every burden must be reviewed afresh’.

Ancient Love Story: Lapita, Found Love and Lost it Too

He gives me space & freedom

challengesFirst Year of MarriageHandy Tipsrelationship rules
Share
FacebookTwitterLinkedinWhatsappEmail

Leave a Comment Cancel Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Categories

  • Affair and Cheating
    • Emotional Stress
    • Extra Marital Affairs
    • Infidelity
    • Office Affairs
  • Breakups and Scars
    • Break up And Loss
    • Divorced
    • Suffering and Healing
  • Fun and Masti
    • Humour
    • Illustrations
    • Quiz
    • Quotes
    • Readers' Corner
  • Gift Idea
  • Hindi
    • Hindi Quotes
    • In Hindi
  • Married Life
    • Arranged Marriage
    • In-Laws
    • Loveless Marriage
    • Married Romance
    • New-Age Couples
    • Pregnancy and Kids
    • Second Marriage
    • Working On the Marriage
  • More
    • Happy To Help
    • LGBTQ
    • Live-in and Open
    • Spirituality and Mythology
    • User Blogs
    • Women's Issue
  • Relationship Experts
    • Expert Speak
    • Live Chat with Experts
    • My Questions and Answers
  • Sex and Passion
    • Great Sex
    • Sexless Marriage
    • Spice It Up
  • Single and Dating
    • Dating experience
    • Friendship
    • Love and Romance
    • One -Sided Love
    • Online Dating
    • Single Life
  • Trending
    • Celeb Corner
    • Trending Topics
    • Zodiac
  • Videos
    • Bollywood Special
    • For Singles
    • Handy tips
    • Relationship Advice
    • Romance
    • Sex And Passion
    • True Stories
  • About Us
  • Advertise With Us
  • Contact Us
  • Submit Your Story

ABOUT US

Bonobology.com is the couple-relationship destination for couples everywhere! Couple relationships…the pains and pleasures, the anxieties and comforts, the craziness and calm. The inevitable distance between two people in love, the restless neediness of love. Follow us at:

Facebook Twitter Instagram Pinterest Linkedin

PARTNER WITH US

Email : [email protected]
PARTNER WITH US

Our Policies

  • Cookies Policy
  • Privacy Policy
  • Terms and Conditions
  • Advertise With Us
  • Content Posting Rules
  • Submit Your Story
  • About Us
  • Contact Us

@2020 - All Right Reserved. Developed and Maintained by Creative Brains