Are you stuck in a more than friends with benefits but not a relationship situation? A friends with benefits relationship is a great idea if you’re looking for something casual with no strings attached. And it’s super convenient because you aren’t answerable to anyone.
If you want to be friends with benefits you just need to ensure you don’t start falling for the other person because that will defeat the whole purpose of your relationship. If you can handle your emotions well and keep them under check, this type of arrangement will work wonders for your sex life.
It’s More Than Friends With Benefits But Not A Relationship
Is friends with benefits a good idea? Well, it depends on what you’re looking for as well as your general behavior pattern in relationships. If you know you’re someone who enjoys security and commitment in a long-term relationship, a friends with benefits relationship may not work out for you. There are some friends with benefits rules to swear by if you genuinely want it to work.
The more than friends with benefits but not a relationship stage is the trickiest to navigate because both parties may perceive the situation differently. Your partner may not necessarily think you’re more than FWBs whereas you start to feel like there’s something more than just sex to your relationship.
Know what you’re getting into – that is the best advice I can offer. A friends with benefits relationship worked out great for me because I was looking for something lowkey but fun. Here’s how I found my man:
He charmed me
The hall was adorned with red scented candles as I stepped into my boyfriend’s house. The shimmer of candles fell on his cheeks and those adorable dimples became prominent as he smiled at me. Looking dapper in his black tuxedo, he came forward, and holding my hand, whispered in my ear, “Happy second anniversary, baby.”
I was astounded. He remembered our anniversary, and on top of that, he planned a surprise dinner for me. His habit of surprising me wasn’t new. He would constantly pamper me with surprise visits and gifts. My dream of a romantic boyfriend was coming true and maybe he would soon be my life partner. I was so excited.
He asked how the dinner was and as I began to talk, he cut me short to tell me how each dish was prepared. He jumped to his love for chicken and then to how he had a skirmish with his boss and on and on. While I appreciated him sharing his day, I felt like an audience watching a movie, without a feedback button.
I wanted to share my excitement about my sister’s upcoming wedding and how much my new job sucks but I couldn’t because I was no longer in the mood.
Related Reading: What Are The Most Common Reasons For Breakups?
The accusations began
Having finished our dinner, we collapsed onto the couch and I rested my head on his shoulder. He picked up my phone and went through my chats and questioned me about this guy who messages me a lot. “He is my colleague,” I responded, “And we chat generally. He is a nice guy though, very helpful.”
“I can see that he is a nice guy, that’s why you keep chatting with him. Your last conversation was at 1 am yesterday,” he replied.
“What? I can’t ignore him, I work with him. Besides, we’re becoming good friends.”
“Yeah, of course. Now that you are getting along so well why don’t you make him your boyfriend?” he taunted.
“What the hell! Now I’m barred from making friends?”
“Oh, just don’t say anything, OK!” he answered aggressively. He continued, “How many friends do you need? You already have that creepy best friend. You both keep calling each other and I can see the obvious flirting signs through your texts. I’m suspicious about you two.”
I couldn’t take any more. “Don’t you dare say anything about my best friend. How dare you question my loyalty? I’ve always been faithful to you but now I can’t take it. I AM BREAKING UP WITH YOU,” I shouted in anger.
I banged the door shut on my way out and cried, wondering what I’d just done. I wanted to rant, talk to someone, so I called Roland, my best friend. I asked him to come to my place. My boyfriend had always been suspicious that I wanted to be friends with benefits with Roland.
More than friends, but not in a serious relationship
As I reached home I saw Roland waiting for me. I immediately hugged him and cried, as I told him, “I broke up with Sam. ” I couldn’t control my tears. He took me to my apartment and calmed me down. He offered me some water and asked, “What happened? Tell me everything.”
“He accused me of cheating on him with you. How dare he say that?” I told him the whole thing.
“I trust you, Max,” proclaimed Roland. “I know how loyal and dedicated you are. I’m not mad at Sam, I’m just sorry for him that he failed to notice how amazing and wonderful you are. You always stood by him in those two long years, quit your job and went against everyone’s advice to support him when he was fired, and moreover, you couldn’t hear a word against me. I’ve seen people backbiting but you took a stand for me.”
He reminded me that I’m wonderful, which I’d forgotten for a long time. He brought a smile to my face and made me feel important and significant. I loved the way he appreciated me and I leaned toward him and kissed him. Wait, what did I just do? Kissed my best friend? Are we now friends with benefits? Do friends with benefits relationships work? I was unsure.
I found what I was looking for
Perplexed, I sat there still thinking about what I had done when he kissed me back. I felt compassion, warmth and a feeling of security as he encircled me in his arms. In the heat of the moment, we went ahead and had sex. And the sex was amazing, unlike with Sam.
Is friends with benefits a good idea when you’re already best friends and colleagues as well? If you keep this aspect of your life out of the workplace, no one has to know. All sorts of thoughts were racing through my head.
The evening made my long-term best friend my friend with benefits, with no strings attached. It’s been four months now and I can’t think of a single reason to complain. We can talk endlessly, go out and have fun, share a great understanding, have some great sex, and all this without any unnecessary questions, mistrust and jealousy.
Related Reading: We were friends with benefits, but I wanted more..
I don’t have to tell him where I’m going, who I’m talking to, who the new guy on my friend list is, and so on. I realized that more important than the romantic surprises were understanding, compassion and friendship. Sometimes it feels like what we share is more than friends with benefits but not a relationship. That’s because we’re best friends too and tell each other every little thing.
The reason a friends with benefits relationship worked for us is that we both knew what we wanted and there were no mismatched expectations from either of us. Just remember that if you’re looking for a fun time with no commitment, don’t let feelings get in the way.
Rarely. When one person in the relationship learns that the other person is looking for more, they usually back out because this was not what they had signed up for.
Usually, an FWB starts right after one gets out of a relationship and can continue as long as the arrangement works for both the people involved.