Sex and Passion

Why it’s OK to watch porn after marriage

Why watching porn after marriage might be a good thing for your relationship
couple on bed with laptop

As students of ‘Gender in Literature’, our fantastically feminist professor surfing high on the third wave of feminism encouraged us to watch blue films. “Note the categories, the role play and the treatment of women,” she’d insist. Back then, I was officially entitled to watch these erotic movies – for educational purposes and as a stimulant; given the impatience of the Indian, or any man for that matter, to help his woman reach the climax.

Unlike the great Indian male, a porn film doesn’t keep asking a woman if she has hit the high spot yet.

(Isn’t it annoying when the man wants to butter his fingers, but stops just when you’re about to reach the top?)

The best part about being a writer is that you don’t have to take the effort to log on to an XXX website or bribe a friend to load your hard disk with ‘that’ stuff.

Woman enjoying coffee with eyes closed

Writers can just close their eyes and dream – of men with ripped bodies, ropes and ravages. Of girl on girl action, gagging and gadgets. Of back doors, BDSM and beads.

Not a sign of inadequacy

So even after marriage, I continue to watch porn – with or without my husband. It’s funny how many women regard watching porn a violation of marital trust; and men, a severe blow to their ego. Just because your husband fantasises a certain Dakota Skye once in a while doesn’t make you sexually undesirable, provided you are really done with the sheets and the magic that ensues in between them. Just the way my fiery fantasies don’t mean my man is inadequate.

Psychiatrist Dr Avani Tiwari explains that it’s good to keep the spice levels up in the bedroom, for a better relationship

I know too many couples who scout each others’ Google histories. Thankfully, my husband and I don’t have time for that. I’m the last woman to feel insecure about my husband’s flights of imagination with a 19-something blondie perfected with endless plastic surgeries and Photoshop. I trust that he is probably only looking for some virtual inspiration or tips to reignite the spark between us.

silhouette of couple at beach

As far as I concerned, I’m certain that he knows I love these erotic scenes, and I still watch them with the excitement of a teenager. In a way, I’m blessed that he lets me be.

Taken women watch more

While I don’t deny that there are men and women who have turned into porn addicts over a period of time, I think there’s nothing wrong with positive inspiration. Most importantly, there’s nothing to fuss about if you’re otherwise happy in your marriage and your sex life.
According to a study published by Sexologies Journal, 9 per cent of female participants reported viewing pornography before marriage while 28 per cent said they viewed it after marriage. The reverse trend was noted in married men; with 23 per cent saying they viewed it before marriage while 14 per cent viewed it after marriage.

Counsellor Prachi Vaish has some insights into why it’s OK to let your partner indulge in some porn

The findings suggested that men, after marriage, are more involved in establishing their socioeconomic status in the society. Hence, their priorities may change from virtual pleasures to actual sexual practices with their partners. Women, on the other hand, indulge in more porn once they’re ‘taken’.

Not just for men alone

All said and done, porn is not just a guy’s obsession. When my Joy Luck Club meets once in a while, we often confess to each other about the bliss of erotic literature. “Day before, my husband and I decided to meet at the club and had a one night stand in a hotel room, like strangers”, “I picked up a lube at the supermarket the other day… and asked him to take the back door… it was savage”, “I kissed a girl after I got drunk over the weekend… I think it was one of the most beautiful moments I’ve ever experienced,” reveals my girl gang.

Sex after marriage does get boring, more so because it is official, and the fact that you can do it whenever you want to doesn’t help much.

So you’re done with it – in the steam, under the stars and on the beach – what next? Pop the corn! To tell you the truth, marriage makes couples slightly lazy.

And blue films are perfect when you want to eat the cake without having to bake it (just don’t make it a habit). So what if threesomes don’t fit your journal of experiments, as long as you have your collars and cuffs in place, you’re good to go on this erotic adventure. Hop on!

Published in Sex and Passion

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